After we left Alaska we were stationed in Louisiana. We had one last camping trip with our good friends. It was difficult saying goodbye. We took that opportunity to take our time driving back down to the lower 48, camping, seeing new things, etc. The wildfires were horrible that year, I remember places where on both sides of the highway were on fire. There is something surreal about being on a long stretch of highway, witnessing Mother Nature in that way. During that trip, we stopped off in Hyder, Ak to a spot where black and grizzly bears come to fish for salmon.

We had seen black bear up in Alaska, but a sighting was rare. Moose, on the other hand was a common occurrence. They would hang out in the yard, near the house, catch them walking down the road and even saw one swimming down the Russian river during one of our Red fishing trips.

Hyder, was different. There is long boardwalks built high, so you can watch the bears fish and eat. I will never forget how thrilling and scary at the same time, it was to watch the bears underneath us.

We were pulling a little pop up camper behind us that trip, so we mainly stayed in that. Of course, it was a little nerve wracking at night at times, because we were in the middle of nowhere.

While we were traveling through Canada, the kids would sing, “ blame Canada”.. lol We had watched a Southpark episode where they sang that song. I was so worried a Canadian would hear them! We also stopped by a beautiful place called Hells Gate. To get to the other side, you have to take an airtram. Stormie was terrified of getting on it. She allowed her daddy to hold her as we were crossing. Once we were across, she enjoyed it.

During that trip we went several places. We took the kids through Seattle, cut down to hit Yellowstone National Park. Every National Park we hit, the kids would do the workbooks to get their Ranger Badges. I remember we stopped In Idaho and went to a Chuckwagon show. The kids sang parts of that show for days. Candy Cane is the only thing that sticks out in my head now. She was the female lead in the show.

We visited museums, historical places, Native American cave dwellings, Las Vegas, Hoover Dam, Parks In Utah, Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon. I’m sure I’m forgetting places. I scroll through the photos during that trip and find myself wishing we were back in much simpler times.

If you remember what I wrote about last time, Stormie’s lymphoma diagnosis, we were still worried. That fear and worry didn’t leave me for many years. I remember wondering to myself during that trip, is the last vacation we are going to have with all of our babies?

One thing about military brats,spouses, etc is you learn to adapt quickly to your new surroundings. We eventually made it to our new duty station, Fort Polk. There, we made new friends and faced new challenges as a family.

I used to try and make my kids promise me that they would never leave me, they would live with me forever. Of course, when they were younger they’d agree and promise. The older they got, they realized what a silly thing I was asking...

As a parent, you don’t want to see your babies have any kind of pain. It’s heartbreaking. Of course, no human is perfect and we inadvertently end up causing pain to our loved ones, whether it’s intentional or not. It happens. I wish I could shield and protect my babies from all pain, harm that comes their way.

Life is unpredictable. Unspeakable things happen, things you can not foresee. Mistakes are made, I just truly hope that my babies know that no matter what, all I have for them is unconditional love. There is not a thing on this earth that will change that.

I am broken now. My life has been shattered. I honestly don’t know how to start picking up the pieces. I don’t. I ran across this show the other day and the intro explained exactly how I feel. It said this,

“When a person is murdered, their life's story comes to an abrupt end. But for the loved ones left behind, it's just the start of an unending nightmare. Friends and family often relive traumatic memories in vivid detail for the rest of their lives -- forever haunted by that one last glance of the victim, a voicemail message that went unanswered, or a gruesome memory from the crime scene itself. The most mundane experiences in the present something they see, smell, or hear -- can launch a survivor right back into the tragic wreckage of a homicide, and amplify that constant loop of re-examination and regret. What if they'd come home earlier or answered that call would their loved one still be alive today?”
~ The Night That Didn’t End intro/ summary on ID

Every single word of that is true. Everyday I beat myself up for not calling her that morning when I started feeling weird. Every single day. Every single second I relive this nightmare. Every single second I want answers, that I’ll probably never get.

Everyday I cherish the 21 years I had with her and pray that my other loves remain safe. I don’t know that I can live through this again. I do know, that without the wall of love and support that surrounds me, I could not be writing these memories, words, today. I am a lucky woman.

I’m going to close with one of Stormie’s favorite verses:

Proverbs 3:3
Let love and faithfulness never leave you;bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.

#stormieslaw #justiceforstormie #teamstormie #forever21 #flyhighbabygirl #tillwemeetagain
#ripstormie