Mr. Ward, UBF General Director

Following my recent open letter, I observed an abrupt and sustained change in my son’s attitude toward me. After more than twelve years of hostility, he became consistently amicable whenever we had a chance to meet. While I applaud this improvement, the suddenness of the change led me to reflect more deeply on the extent to which UBF leadership influence may have affected my son and our relationship over many years. This observation raises serious concerns for me regarding the level of control exercised through shepherding and common life practices that are largely undisclosed to the public outside of UBF.

I write to ask that our family be freed from this UBF shepherding and common life practices, which I believe have significantly affected my family relationship and my son’s wellbeing, so that proper healing for our family can begin with the assistance of qualified professionals. I believe this request aligns with the responsibility of accountable leadership in any reputable organization.

Over the past many years, I experienced multiple incidents involving UBF Korean missionaries in which my parental role was undermined, my son was encouraged to separate from my home and support before he was financially independent, and my concerns were dismissed rather than adequately addressed. These interactions were accompanied by statements and actions that I experienced as coercive and as asserting authority over my family relationship.

To provide context, I would like to share a portion of my lived experience over more than a decade as a non-UBF mother interacting privately with UBF Korean missionaries. These experiences have been documented, and there are many additional recorded incidents beyond what is summarized here.

For transparency, I have copied my son and a few UBF members and leaders who had been my friends for 7 years prior to the turning point in 2013, who had interacted with me over the years and who have some knowledge of these events.

I also note that the petition supporting the open letter addressed to you has now gathered 6490 signatures.

In the years prior to my son entering university, my relationship with UBF missionaries was cordial and trusting. In 2008, a Korean UBF missionary R who served as my son’s Bible teacher sent me a thank-you card expressing appreciation, goodwill, and mutual trust. At that time, my son, then a minor, also expressed a warm and affectionate family relationship in his own words.

This relationship changed markedly in 2013 when my son entered university as a young adult. Shortly after I suggested—without any awareness of the UBF common life expectations—that he might attend a small church near campus to address feelings of loneliness, missionary R reacted with visible anger. Soon afterward, my son accused me of interfering in his choice of church and friends and demanded to move out.

In early 2014, the missionary’s husband assumed responsibility for driving my son back to campus, replacing me. At the end of his first academic year, my son did not return home but was taken directly to a UBF disciples’ house located only minutes from my residence.

On September 26, 2014, the missionary visited my home while my son had already been living in the disciples’ house for several months. During that visit, she stated that my son should leave my home “because Jesus said so” and expressed her view that I was an inadequate mother. She further implied that it would not be good if I disagreed with UBF. When I later raised this incident with the chapter director, the matter was not addressed directly. Instead, my son defended the missionary by asserting that my memory was distorted, without any independent verification of the facts.

In 2017, another Korean UBF missionary wrote to me, stating: “You can keep saying it’s the fault of UBF, but that will not make your son come back to you.” I experienced this statement as an assertion of power over my parental relationship.

In 2021, the same missionary sent me, without solicitation, an article entitled “A Shift in American Family Values Is Fueling Estrangement.” Language from this article closely mirrored phrases my son had used previously. This raised concerns for me about the possibility that such material was being promoted within UBF common life settings to young adults from non-UBF families. The missionary also concluded that I “needed help,” despite having no professional qualification to make such a judgment.

Based on these experiences, I have come to believe that non-UBF parents—particularly mothers—occupy a marginalized position within UBF common life structures, and that shepherds are granted authority that extends into family relationships in ways that many outside the organization would consider inappropriate. These practices appear, in my experience, to contribute to the estrangement of young adults from their non-UBF parents in situations where parental relationships are perceived as challenging or noncompliant. I find no biblical justification for such outcomes.

The result for my son has been more than a decade of estrangement, financial instability, and compromised well-being without family support. For our family, these consequences have been profound and enduring.

I therefore respectfully ask that UBF leadership take responsibility and steps to free my family from these shepherding and common life practices so we can pursue proper healing with appropriate professional support.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter