Stop Silencing Children in the Family Court of New Zealand
The issue
A theory about why a child is speaking out must never supersede the child's account of their experiences.
Visit any community centre or doctor’s office and you will inevitably see signs and brochures telling people to speak out about family violence, especially against children. It's Not Okay, says the slogan. But again and again in the Family Court of New Zealand, children’s accounts of abuse are being silenced by counter-claims of parental alienation.
Parental alienation is a discredited and unscientific pseudo-concept that rewrites children’s fear or reluctance to visit a parent as “coaching” or “influence” from their other parent. Essentially, if a child comes forward about abuse, the abusive parent can claim that they’re making it up because their other parent told them to. Even if there is absolutely no evidence that this is happening.
The New Zealand Family Court does not want people to know that it still uses parental alienation theory to make decisions about where children will live. This is because key authorities have already denounced parental alienation theory as pseudoscience. The World Health Organization deliberately excluded both the concept and the terminology of “parental alienation” from ICD-11. The American Psychological Association has stated that there is insufficient evidence to support “parental alienation syndrome”. And in 2023, the United Nations Special Rapporteur on violence against women and girls exposed parental alienation as a “discredited and unscientific pseudo-concept” used to undermine allegations of domestic violence and child abuse. This position has been echoed by the Family Justice Council of England and Wales, which denounces parental alienation syndrome as a harmful pseudoscience with no evidential basis. Meanwhile, a recent systematic review of 43 empirical studies noted that there were no agreed objective measures or protocols for identifying or assessing parental alienation.
New Zealand was specifically called out for continuing to use reasoning based on the theory of parental alienation in the Family Court in 2023. The New Zealand Government responded in its 2023 report to the UN Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women by explaining that New Zealand’s family laws do not refer to parental alienation syndrome theory, recognising that this is a widely discredited concept.
However, New Zealand courts still use parental alienation theory to make decisions about day to day care over and over again. They do this by changing the wording but keeping the same underlying concept. Instead of talking about “alienation”, judges and court appointed report writers now use language such as “resist-refuse dynamics”, “enmeshment” (because it’s unhealthy to be attached to your parent, of course), “influence”, “coaching”, and “alignment" to describe the exact same thing. Alignment meaning that the protective parent and the child agree, which of course could never have anything to do with their shared experiences of abuse.
New Zealand has supposedly affirmed the rights of children to participate in Family Court matters that concern them through the Family Court (Supporting Children in Court) Legislation Act 2021, which came into force in August 2023. The law now says that a child must be given reasonable opportunities to participate in any decision affecting them. But the family court STILL can’t acknowledge that children have their own minds, experiences, and feelings. Instead, they are automatically seen as puppets, mouthpieces for the other parent.
This happens even when the more likely scenario is the opposite: the parent is speaking out on behalf of the child. Under this mindset, it is impossible for children to be heard. It is 2026, and yet children have NO PERSONHOOD in the court. Instead, they are treated as possessions that get handed to whichever parent's "turn" it is to have them.
Children who are silenced in this way are often placed in the shared care or even day to day care of their abuser. This is seen as necessary to undo the other parent’s “brainwashing”, without regard for the trauma and disruption that children experience.
This petition challenges the Family Court of New Zealand to recognize children as active agents in their own lives. The Family Court MUST NOT allow a theory about why a child is speaking out to supersede that child’s account of their own experiences.
Interestingly, there is a higher standard of evidence required to prove domestic abuse than there is to prove parental alienation in the Family Court of New Zealand today.
This is what the new judicial guidance in England and Wales has legislated to correct. Before a court can find “alienating behaviours”, it must establish three things: the child is reluctant, resistant or refusing a relationship with a parent; this is not a justified response to that parent’s conduct or caused by the child’s attachment, affinity or alignment; and the other parent has actually engaged in behaviour that directly or indirectly caused the child’s response. The guidance says the court requires evidence of manipulation; the child’s reluctance or refusal by itself is not evidence of psychological manipulation. It also recognises that children can and do reach their own conclusions about what has happened in their family. Where abuse or harmful parenting has caused the child’s justified rejection, alienating behaviour cannot be found.
New Zealand has one of the highest reported rates of family violence and sexual violence in the developed world. Police conduct more than 100,000 family-violence investigations each year, and nearly half of all homicides and reported violent crimes are family-violence related. With practices like this alive and well, it’s not hard to see why. We petition the court to require concrete proof of alienating behaviour before dismissing children's voices as parental alienation, influence, manipulation, enmeshment, alignment, or resist/refuse dynamics. Please sign today to stop children from being silenced in the family court.
REFERENCES
American Psychological Association. (2023). Parental alienation syndrome (PAS). APA Dictionary of Psychology.
Domestic Abuse Commissioner. (2023). The Family Court and domestic abuse: Achieving cultural change.
Family Justice Council. (2024). Guidance on responding to a child’s unexplained reluctance, resistance or refusal to spend time with a parent and allegations of alienating behaviour.
Health Quality & Safety Commission New Zealand. (2026). Findings from Family Violence Death Review data relating to stalking: January 2020–June 2024.
Leonetti, C. (2025). Disbelieving children’s disclosures and disregarding children’s views: What children’s appeals of parenting orders in New Zealand can teach about the harmful impact of ignoring children in care proceedings. International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family, 39(1), ebaf008. https://doi.org/10.1093/lawfam/ebaf008
Marques, T. M., Narciso, I., & Ferreira, L. C. (2020). Empirical research on parental alienation: A descriptive literature review. Children and Youth Services Review, 119, 105572. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2020.105572
Ministry for Women. (2023). United Nations Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women: Aotearoa New Zealand’s ninth periodic report.
Ministry of Social Development. (2026). Family violence and sexual violence initiatives.
New Zealand Parliament. (2021). Family Court (Supporting Children in Court) Legislation Act 2021. See also the amended Care of Children Act 2004.
Alsalem, R. (2023). Custody, violence against women and violence against children: Report of the Special Rapporteur on violence against women and girls, its causes and consequences. United Nations Human Rights Council, A/HRC/53/36.
World Health Organization. (n.d.). Parental alienation. International Classification of Diseases frequently asked questions.
41
The issue
A theory about why a child is speaking out must never supersede the child's account of their experiences.
Visit any community centre or doctor’s office and you will inevitably see signs and brochures telling people to speak out about family violence, especially against children. It's Not Okay, says the slogan. But again and again in the Family Court of New Zealand, children’s accounts of abuse are being silenced by counter-claims of parental alienation.
Parental alienation is a discredited and unscientific pseudo-concept that rewrites children’s fear or reluctance to visit a parent as “coaching” or “influence” from their other parent. Essentially, if a child comes forward about abuse, the abusive parent can claim that they’re making it up because their other parent told them to. Even if there is absolutely no evidence that this is happening.
The New Zealand Family Court does not want people to know that it still uses parental alienation theory to make decisions about where children will live. This is because key authorities have already denounced parental alienation theory as pseudoscience. The World Health Organization deliberately excluded both the concept and the terminology of “parental alienation” from ICD-11. The American Psychological Association has stated that there is insufficient evidence to support “parental alienation syndrome”. And in 2023, the United Nations Special Rapporteur on violence against women and girls exposed parental alienation as a “discredited and unscientific pseudo-concept” used to undermine allegations of domestic violence and child abuse. This position has been echoed by the Family Justice Council of England and Wales, which denounces parental alienation syndrome as a harmful pseudoscience with no evidential basis. Meanwhile, a recent systematic review of 43 empirical studies noted that there were no agreed objective measures or protocols for identifying or assessing parental alienation.
New Zealand was specifically called out for continuing to use reasoning based on the theory of parental alienation in the Family Court in 2023. The New Zealand Government responded in its 2023 report to the UN Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women by explaining that New Zealand’s family laws do not refer to parental alienation syndrome theory, recognising that this is a widely discredited concept.
However, New Zealand courts still use parental alienation theory to make decisions about day to day care over and over again. They do this by changing the wording but keeping the same underlying concept. Instead of talking about “alienation”, judges and court appointed report writers now use language such as “resist-refuse dynamics”, “enmeshment” (because it’s unhealthy to be attached to your parent, of course), “influence”, “coaching”, and “alignment" to describe the exact same thing. Alignment meaning that the protective parent and the child agree, which of course could never have anything to do with their shared experiences of abuse.
New Zealand has supposedly affirmed the rights of children to participate in Family Court matters that concern them through the Family Court (Supporting Children in Court) Legislation Act 2021, which came into force in August 2023. The law now says that a child must be given reasonable opportunities to participate in any decision affecting them. But the family court STILL can’t acknowledge that children have their own minds, experiences, and feelings. Instead, they are automatically seen as puppets, mouthpieces for the other parent.
This happens even when the more likely scenario is the opposite: the parent is speaking out on behalf of the child. Under this mindset, it is impossible for children to be heard. It is 2026, and yet children have NO PERSONHOOD in the court. Instead, they are treated as possessions that get handed to whichever parent's "turn" it is to have them.
Children who are silenced in this way are often placed in the shared care or even day to day care of their abuser. This is seen as necessary to undo the other parent’s “brainwashing”, without regard for the trauma and disruption that children experience.
This petition challenges the Family Court of New Zealand to recognize children as active agents in their own lives. The Family Court MUST NOT allow a theory about why a child is speaking out to supersede that child’s account of their own experiences.
Interestingly, there is a higher standard of evidence required to prove domestic abuse than there is to prove parental alienation in the Family Court of New Zealand today.
This is what the new judicial guidance in England and Wales has legislated to correct. Before a court can find “alienating behaviours”, it must establish three things: the child is reluctant, resistant or refusing a relationship with a parent; this is not a justified response to that parent’s conduct or caused by the child’s attachment, affinity or alignment; and the other parent has actually engaged in behaviour that directly or indirectly caused the child’s response. The guidance says the court requires evidence of manipulation; the child’s reluctance or refusal by itself is not evidence of psychological manipulation. It also recognises that children can and do reach their own conclusions about what has happened in their family. Where abuse or harmful parenting has caused the child’s justified rejection, alienating behaviour cannot be found.
New Zealand has one of the highest reported rates of family violence and sexual violence in the developed world. Police conduct more than 100,000 family-violence investigations each year, and nearly half of all homicides and reported violent crimes are family-violence related. With practices like this alive and well, it’s not hard to see why. We petition the court to require concrete proof of alienating behaviour before dismissing children's voices as parental alienation, influence, manipulation, enmeshment, alignment, or resist/refuse dynamics. Please sign today to stop children from being silenced in the family court.
REFERENCES
American Psychological Association. (2023). Parental alienation syndrome (PAS). APA Dictionary of Psychology.
Domestic Abuse Commissioner. (2023). The Family Court and domestic abuse: Achieving cultural change.
Family Justice Council. (2024). Guidance on responding to a child’s unexplained reluctance, resistance or refusal to spend time with a parent and allegations of alienating behaviour.
Health Quality & Safety Commission New Zealand. (2026). Findings from Family Violence Death Review data relating to stalking: January 2020–June 2024.
Leonetti, C. (2025). Disbelieving children’s disclosures and disregarding children’s views: What children’s appeals of parenting orders in New Zealand can teach about the harmful impact of ignoring children in care proceedings. International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family, 39(1), ebaf008. https://doi.org/10.1093/lawfam/ebaf008
Marques, T. M., Narciso, I., & Ferreira, L. C. (2020). Empirical research on parental alienation: A descriptive literature review. Children and Youth Services Review, 119, 105572. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2020.105572
Ministry for Women. (2023). United Nations Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women: Aotearoa New Zealand’s ninth periodic report.
Ministry of Social Development. (2026). Family violence and sexual violence initiatives.
New Zealand Parliament. (2021). Family Court (Supporting Children in Court) Legislation Act 2021. See also the amended Care of Children Act 2004.
Alsalem, R. (2023). Custody, violence against women and violence against children: Report of the Special Rapporteur on violence against women and girls, its causes and consequences. United Nations Human Rights Council, A/HRC/53/36.
World Health Organization. (n.d.). Parental alienation. International Classification of Diseases frequently asked questions.
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Petition created on 22 July 2026