Send Donald Trump to Fist Fight Kim Jong Un
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Read as advertised. Our president, Donald Trump, and the North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un, should settle their differences personally through fisticuffs instead of using nuclear threats to constantly rile up justifications of war and fear in their respective peoples.
In the scope of American history, we already had a generation of soldiers establish the armistice with the Korean peninsula after a long and grueling 3 years of tense battle between the forces of North Korea (with the help of then Soviet and Chinese forces) and South Korea (with the aid of UN forces and the American military). \
Things have changed drastically since then. Almost every country on the planet has a nuclear option that could end the world as we know it in an instant, just as it did at the end of the Second World War with the dropping of the nuclear bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, causing thousands of unwarranted and innocent deaths. It makes a good portion of us on all sides anxious that we could be bombed at any second by a flagrant error made by any of our world leaders.
Therefore, the reason I have created this petition is to encourage the usage of the oldest battle tactic in the book; the fist fight. It has been used for as long as humans have existed and is the least likely way to end up with fatalities on either side, which neither country needs or would like to have either. At the same time, the fist fight is one of the most personal ways of getting aggression out, and since these two seem to hate each other so much, it practically warrants that they should engage in old fashioned fisticuffs. Not to mention that if we were to televise this event, it would probably be the most-watched fight event in all of world history. Two combatants, with world jurisdiction, fighting the way the people have always wanted; without innocent lives being lost, without sons and daughters unable to come home to their mothers and fathers, without terrible power vaccums that will drastically change world politics and create new terrorist insurgencies. It's a clean, fair fight.
By signing this petition, you believe and endorse that Donald Trump (and a system of security detail) and - if he agrees, since this petition only has gravity within the American system of laws - Kim Jong Un (with a similar system of security detail) will travel to a designated point where both parties will be able to fight without the threat of assassination. Before the fight commences, they will both have to sign an agreement to lay down nuclear arms and any threat thereof throughout the length of their respective administrations against the opposing nation, regardless of the outcome of the match from the moment they enter the ring through the use of a contract as they enter, to register themselves eligible to contend against each other. This contract will also allow them diplomatic immunity in the unspecified area that they will fight in as well as the ability to seek aid should they retain any injuries as a result of this bout, to assure that they will not be trifled with in this personal combat. Any competitor which does not fulfill this agreement will be subject to forfeit, and the victory conditions for the other side will be granted, as seen below. They will then engage in a agreed style of fist-based combat (I think boxing would be the best form or action; it has a solid and clear ruleset which will leave the two opponents with the least amount of damage) with a clear ruleset until a winner is settled.
The stakes of this match are admittedly very high, due to the fact that this match is between the leaders of two entire countries. I believe that the most generous but high stakes are laid out like this:
If Donald J. Trump is declared the victor: North Korea's main complaint amongst all know factions of the world is their lack of humanitarian effort towards their own people. Should Trump come out victorious, Kim Jong Un and his administration will have sanctions written against him, giving limited control over the people he rules over. His administration will continue to work with foreign affairs, but he shall not be able to address or make the rules of how his state operates, including revoking the "god-emperor" status of the North Korean dictator, as losing this fight on live North Korean television will prove that he is not all-powerful in every facet to his people. This will be determined by world-appointed and properly accredited and verified humanitarian ambassadors who will help improve the North Korean way of living. In essence, North Korea will be made into a puppet government with regards to his own populace, while keeping the Kim administration intact for as long as they are welcome to rule. Donald Trump can continue to operate America as he sees fit, with a laurel that he successfully quelled the issues with North Korea without having to resort to unbelievably violent means.
If Kim Jong Un is declared the victor: If Korean dictator Kim Jong Un is decided the winner, then the North Korean state will continue to operate as it sees fit, and shall have any embargos of trade removed from nations to allow for the proliferation of the North Korean state. Donald Trump must be banned from Twitter and all other social media networks where he is able to quickly reply to any threats made against him, and he must not ever mention foreign affairs again to his people, while maintaining a foreign influence in private. Instead of Donald Trump using his Twitter, he will be replaced by a team of ghost writers who will keep an eye on his affairs and report them to the American people via these banned accounts. However, to compensate, Donald Trump himself must host a poll weekly-ish designed by him and hosted with the express intention of having no outside influence with opinions that he has had and introduce them to the people, where the people will show him what they agree with. This will allow him ample proof to justify or nullify any of the opinions he had without having to listen to his breadth of "fake news" telling him what is and isn't the voice of the people he is ruling. By instilling this brand of direct democracy with the people, the president will have the same vote of confidence that Congresspeople get through their jobs, and will instill a new system of elector feedback that we desperately need in the American political system.
With your signature, we can put our worries as respective people to rest about when the nukes will finally drop on our respective countries. Please sign today to ensure that nuclear arms will continue to be our last resort instead of our first line of defense.
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