Le Leche League USA put out a very thorough and informed peer-reviewed, scholarly article titled, “The Breastfeeding Relationship and Visitation Plans” by Elizabeth N. Baldwin, JD and Kenneth A. Friedman, JD. NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 13 No. 1, January-February 1996, pp. 4-7.
Their website also contains information from the article regarding common sense co-parenting solutions for breastfeeding children that are involved in family court matters. The website states that maintaining the nursing relationship between mother and child is vital.
"LLL USA recognizes that challenges and issues may arise when a nursing child is involved in a child visitation or custody situation as a result of divorce or separation. The child’s needs should come first and foremost, and both parents may find that compromise is needed to ensure that those needs are met" (para. 1).
Why Work Together on Visitation or Custody?
Breastfeeding is a vital health decision for both mother and child. Although conflicts may arise between the mother's desire to continue breastfeeding and the father's desire for visitation, there is absolutely no reason why breastfeeding needs to be interrupted or dictated by the family court system.
"Breastfeeding/chestfeeding can be protected in family law cases without sacrificing the co-parent’s bond with their children. Babies need the love of both their parents, and it should be unnecessary for the courts to pick one relationship over the other, when both are so important" (para. 4).
Why Breastfeeding Should Be Encouraged in Family Law Cases
Encouraging breastfeeding in family law cases is so important, because breastfeeding has so many health and developmental benefits. "Currently, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the World Health Organization, and UNICEF recommend that babies be breastfed for at least one year, and preferably until age two or beyond. Breastfeeding is no longer considered to be just a lifestyle choice, but a health choice for both nursing parent and baby. More and more health benefits to the nursing parent and baby are being discovered every day" (para. 5).
"Lengthy separations from the nursing parent can seriously jeopardize the breastfeeding relationship when the baby is young. Given the potential health benefits to both nursing parent and baby, continuance of this relationship should be a priority in family law cases. Once past infancy, many children continue to nurse, and the health benefits to the child and the nursing parent are still significant. Studies show that the immunities and antibodies in breast milk are more concentrated as the child grows, providing the same protection as in infancy even though the child nurses less. As the child grows, the breastfeeding relationship can continue while the child spends longer times away from the nursing parent. However, this does not mean that lengthy separations are not potentially damaging to the child. The securely attached child, breastfed or not, needs to work up to longer separations gradually. The court, as well as the parents, must look at the child’s developmental needs and what separations the child is accustomed to" (para 6).
How a Bond with the Co-Parent Can be Encouraged without Interfering with the Nursing Relationship
Many people erroneously assume that if the breastfeeding relationship needs to be protected, and the primary bond with the mother is not to be disrupted, then the father's role must be of secondary importance. This is not true. Every child has a right to a loving, responsive bond with both parents. The father's bond with the child is just as important as the nursing mother's bond. However, it should rarely, if ever, be necessary to interfere with the child’s attachment to the nursing parent in order for the father's relationship to be promoted and encouraged. In the ideal relationship, the bond with the co-parent and any siblings flows out of the strong bond with the nursing parent. But in any case, the child should not be taken from one parent, or forced to choose. The child should feel that both parents will protect and encourage the co-parent’s relationship with the child, and both will help the child to feel safe (para. 7).
There are many advantages to the parents, and their child, if they encourage their child to have a strong, healthy relationship with both of them. No parent wants to come for their child and have the child clutching the other parent’s legs screaming not to make them go! Both nursing parent and co-parent will benefit if their child gleefully leaps into their arms, so excited to see them and go off with the co-parent! But how can this be accomplished? (para.8).
It makes it much easier if the parents can avoid or end the conflict between them. Parents must realize that, although they cannot or will not live together, they have brought a precious human being into this world who has rights and needs. These two parents will be raising this child together, not just until age 18 but for the rest of their lives. Do they really want legal battles where total strangers (lawyers, judges, guardians, etc.) make decisions about when and where they will raise their child? There are alternatives (para. 9).
Courts are trying to get out of the custody business, and to encourage parents to work these matters out themselves. There are many ways to settle a case, rather than have a judge decide all the issues. The parents can talk together or meet with their lawyers. Mediation is another popular method of settlement. This is especially beneficial to the children involved, as it is not divorce or separation per se that negatively affects a child, but the anger between the parents (para. 10).
The child will benefit when the parents can exercise flexibility, talking each week and working out visits that will be best for their child at that point. Young children need frequent and continuing contact with both parents, and a close bond with the co-parent is promoted by frequent contact, seeing the co-parent every day if possible, rather than less frequent visits that involve lengthy separations from the nursing parent. Arrangements should be flexible enough to take into account the child’s needs. The co-parent should always bring the baby back to the nursing parent if the baby is crying for them. This will build trust and eventually allow the child to enjoy longer and more frequent visits with their co-parent. If the child is brought back, the visitation time should be made up as soon as possible. The child should not be made to feel as if the co-parent is pulling them from the nursing parent, or vice versa. Help the baby feel that both parents respect the baby’s needs and care about how the baby feels (para. 11).