The Declaration of Academic Independence

The Unanimous Declaration of the Senior Computer Science Capstone Students,

When in the Course of human development, it becomes necessary for one group of students to dissolve the digital bands which have connected them to their IDEs, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Logic and of Mental Health entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of their instructors requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Seniors are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Sleep, Sanity, and the pursuit of Paid Time Off.

The history of the present Capstone Curriculum is a history of repeated bugs and merge conflicts, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over our free time. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world:

He has granted to the Instructors the right of Absence and Personal Days, while denying the same liberty to the very Students who labor under their tutelage.
He has ignored the established customs of the Industry, where it is a standard that "interns get vacation days which are proportional to their internship length".
He has dismissed our standing as "mere students," forgetting that we are the architects of the future, and that even the most junior paid interns generally have the same rights as regular employees.
He has proclaimed this classroom a Dictatorship, asserting that "He gets all the say," in direct violation of the spirit of collaborative development and the democratic principles of a free Repository.
He has refused his Assent to "LGTM" (Looks Good To Me), even when the code clearly functions.
He has forbidden us from closing our laptops, unless suspended by an immediate "Segmentation Fault."
He has called together legislative bodies (Scrum meetings) at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from our beds.

To the claim that we are "just students," we reply that the brain of a student does not compute at a lower voltage than that of a teacher; it is subject to the same laws of burnout and exhaustion. Our brains are thinking.

To the claim that this is a "dictatorship," we remind the Chair that even the most powerful Root User is nothing without the Contributors who populate the codebase. A project without developers is a 404 error—a void. We are not mere assets to be managed; we are the Source Code of this institution.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the Senior Computer Science Class, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good Students of this Class, solemnly publish and declare, That these Seniors are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent Developers; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Stack Overflow rabbit hole, and that all connection between them and the Classroom Terminal is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent Developers, they have full Power to take PTO, attend Prom, touch grass, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Seniors may of right do.

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Auto-Save, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.