There is something uniquely heartbreaking about watching your child lose their love for something they once couldn’t get enough of. You remember the practices they couldn’t wait to get to. The games they talked about all day. The uniforms, the teammates, the excitement, the pride they felt when they got better at something they worked hard for.

Then, somewhere along the way, you start noticing something different. They come home quieter. More anxious. More critical of themselves. They start saying things like, “I can’t do anything right.” They dread going somewhere they once begged you to take them.

Eventually, you may find yourself holding your child while they cry and tell you how small, embarrassed, worthless, or belittled they feel in an environment that was supposed to be helping them grow. I know what that feels like because I have held my own daughter through those tears.

As a parent, there comes a point when you have to ask:

What are we actually teaching our children when we tell them they have to endure emotional harm in order to participate in something they love?

This conversation is bigger than my daughter. Since speaking publicly about our experience, I have heard from parents, former athletes, alumni, coaches, district employees, and community members. Different children. Different sports. Different years. Different experiences.

Far too many of the stories end the same way. A child who once loved their sport walked away. A parent felt afraid to advocate. An athlete felt they couldn’t speak up. A young person began questioning their ability, their confidence, or their worth.

Somewhere along the way, adults explained it away as: 

“They need to toughen up.”

“That’s just sports.”

“Their feelings got hurt.”

“They need to learn how to be coached.”

These are not professional athletes. These are children.

Their brains are still developing. Their identities are still forming. Their confidence, boundaries, self-worth, and understanding of relationships with authority are being shaped right now. Their lives are largely made up of their families, their schools, their peers, their teachers, their coaches, and their activities. Something that seems small to an adult can feel enormous to a child.

Feelings are information
If a child touches a hot stove, pain tells them something. This hurts. Move your hand. Something is wrong.

We would never tell them:

“Stop being sensitive.”

“Keep your hand there.”

“Toughen up.”

“You need to learn how to handle being burned.”

Yet when the pain is emotional, we sometimes do exactly that.

When a child repeatedly tells us:

“This environment is hurting me.”

“I feel humiliated.”

“I’m afraid to say anything.”

“I feel like I can never do anything right.”

“I don’t want to go back.”

Why is our first response so often to teach them to tolerate it?

Feelings are not always facts, but they are information. They tell us something about how a child is experiencing the world around them. When the same message is coming back repeatedly, adults have a responsibility to listen. We teach our children that bullying is wrong. We teach them that words matter. We tell them to advocate for themselves. We tell them their voices matter.

We cannot turn around and excuse humiliating, intimidating, degrading, or aggressive communication simply because the adult delivering it has the title of “coach.” We cannot tell young people to speak up for themselves and then dismiss, silence, blame, or punish them when they finally find the courage to do it.

That teaches children that their voice only matters when the person in power approves of what they have to say. Those lessons do not stay inside a gym. Our children eventually grow into adults. They will enter relationships, workplaces, classrooms, friendships, and other environments where power can be unequal. What are we preparing them to believe is normal? That being demeaned is the price of belonging? That disrespect is acceptable when it comes from someone important? That they should stay quiet when something feels wrong because speaking up may cost them an opportunity? That they should tolerate emotional harm because leaving means they were not “tough enough”? That is not the lesson I want my children carrying into adulthood.

I want them to understand that resilience and boundaries can coexist. Accountability and dignity can coexist. Someone can challenge you without humiliating you. You can respect authority without surrendering your right to be treated like a human being. Walking away from something that is harming you does not make you weak.

This is not about making sports easy. I believe in discipline. I believe in accountability. I believe young people need to learn perseverance, teamwork, sacrifice, disappointment, responsibility, and how to keep going when something is difficult. Difficulty and emotional harm are not the same thing. A coach can demand excellence without destroying confidence. A child can be corrected without being humiliated. An athlete can be pushed without being broken down. A championship should never require a child to sacrifice their emotional wellbeing to earn it.

Sports have the potential to become some of the most meaningful positive childhood experiences our children have. They can build confidence, friendships, resilience, identity, leadership, belonging, discipline, and memories that last a lifetime. That requires us to care about the child just as much as we care about the athlete.

What I am asking BSSD to do
I am calling on Blue Springs School District to create a comprehensive Student-Athlete Psychological Safety Initiative that includes:

• An independent culture and climate study of BSSD athletics, including confidential input from current athletes, former athletes, parents, alumni, coaches, and students who left programs.
• Access to a qualified sports psychologist or student-athlete mental-health professional.
• Mandatory trauma-informed, empathy, adolescent-development, communication, and psychological-safety training for coaches and athletic staff, with ongoing continuing education.
• A confidential reporting process that does not require a minor child to first confront the adult they believe is causing the harm.
• Clear anti-retaliation protections for athletes and parents who raise concerns.
• A formal parent-advocacy policy recognizing that these are still minor children.
• Anonymous student-athlete climate surveys and exit interviews when athletes leave programs.
• Clear expectations for coaching conduct and a transparent process for escalating concerns when they cannot safely be resolved within an individual program.

These are not unreasonable requests. They are proactive safeguards. They protect athletes. They support families. They also give coaches better tools to understand the enormous responsibility they take on when parents place developing young people in their care.

I need our community now!! If you are a parent, please sign.

If you are a grandparent or great-grandparent, please sign.

If you are an aunt, uncle, sibling, educator, coach, mental-health professional, former athlete, current athlete, BSSD alumnus, or community member, please sign.

If you or someone you love has ever walked away from a BSSD athletic program such as volleyball, basketball, football, softball, baseball, swimming, wrestling, track, soccer, cheer, dance, band, or another school activity feeling emotionally harmed, defeated, afraid to speak up, or no longer loving something they once enjoyed, please sign.

If your family’s experience was positive but you still believe another child deserves protection when theirs is not, please sign for that child.

You do not have to have been harmed to believe safeguards should exist. A positive experience for one athlete does not eliminate the need to protect another. I need to know how large this conversation really is. I want to walk into meetings with district leadership carrying more than my own pain and my own opinion. I want to carry our community’s voice.

Real families.

Real athletes.

Real alumni.

Real numbers.

Real experiences.

Our children deserve more than adults debating whether they should simply be tougher. They deserve adults willing to ask:

What happened to you?

What do you need?

How can we make this better for the children coming behind you?

Years from now, our kids probably will not remember every score. They will not remember every record. They may not remember who won every tournament. They will remember how the adults entrusted with their development made them feel about themselves. We are not asking Blue Springs School District to lower the standard for athletics. We are asking them to raise the standard for how we care for the children behind the jerseys.

Please sign.

Please share.

Let’s protect the child behind the jersey.
 
 

SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE (optional)
If you or someone you love has been affected by the culture within BSSD athletics and you would like your experience to be heard, I am also collecting stories from current and former athletes, parents, families, alumni, and community members.

You may choose to share your story with your name attached or remain completely anonymous.

These stories will help us better understand the patterns that exist across sports, programs, and years, and they may be used in aggregate or anonymously as we advocate for meaningful change within BSSD athletics.

If you have a story that deserves to be heard, please share it here:

https://forms.gle/gtVJNkzY7gqP4D659

Your story matters. Your child’s experience matters. Your voice matters.

Please sign. Please share.

Let’s protect the child behind the jersey.