To the Honorable Keepers of the Square Patty,

Wendy’s Corporate Decision-Makers,
And Whoever Approved This Lettuce Apocalypse:

We, the loyal customers of Wendy’s... your people, your fanbase, your Frosty-faithful are here today because something terrible has happened. Something recent. Something shocking. Something utterly unnecessary.

You switched to shredded lettuce.

Why?
No really… why?
Who hurt you?

For years, you blessed us with crisp, fresh, dignified lettuce leaves that stayed put on a burger like a stable adult with a 700 credit score. But now… now we open our Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger to find shredduce that sad, soggy coleslaw-adjacent confetti scattered across our sandwiches like someone emptied the paper shredder onto lunch.

This wasn’t a slow fade.
This wasn’t a gradual transition.
This was an abrupt, unprovoked ambush.

One day: real lettuce.
The next: SURPRISE, it’s salad dandruff.

We are asking, no, begging for a return to sanity.

A return to tradition.
A return to lettuce that doesn’t fall out of the sandwich like it’s trying to escape.

We respectfully demand:

🥬 Bring back full lettuce leaves
🥬 Retire the shredduce experiment
🥬 Restore balance to the Wendy’s ecosystem

Wendy’s, we love you. Truly.
But this was a betrayal we didn’t see coming and absolutely didn’t ask for.

Sign this petition to help us overturn the recent, devastating Shredduce Initiative of 2024.

Let’s bring back burgers with actual structure and actual crunch.

Do it for the sandwiches.
Do it for the people.
Do it because no one asked for this.

Sincerely,

Everyone still picking lettuce strings out of their lap