Growing up, my Saturday mornings were a mix of sugary cereal and existential dread, courtesy of Jaws. While other kids were learning moral lessons from cartoons, I was learning that the ocean is basically a murder mystery that never ends.

After each viewing, I’d head to swimming class — because apparently I believed exposure therapy worked for imaginary shark attacks. Somewhere between the backstroke and a mild panic attack, I fell in love with these misunderstood ocean torpedoes.

Fast-forward to adulthood, and I still dream of standing face-to-glass with one of nature’s most perfectly designed nightmares. But when I go to the Detroit Zoo (officially “The Detroit Museum for Live Land & Sea Animals,” which sounds like a government cover-up), I find no sharks.
Not one. Just penguins, seals, and fish who clearly think they’re safe.

We can fix that.

Let’s bring sharks to Detroit — not Great Whites (we know they’d eat the budget), but the chill ones: nurse sharks, blacktip reef sharks, zebra sharks. Sharks that are content with snacks, not snacks with names.

Imagine: kids pressing their faces to the glass, adults confronting their childhood fears, and everyone collectively realizing, “Wow, these guys are actually kinda important.” Plus, it’ll be the first time in Detroit history where you can say, “I saw a shark up close, and it didn’t involve the local news.”

The Detroit Zoo has always championed education and animal welfare. A shark exhibit would deepen both — while adding just the right amount of dangerous charisma.

So let’s make a splash (figuratively, please) and bring sharks to the Detroit Zoo. Sign this petition before another generation grows up thinking the scariest thing in the ocean is SpongeBob’s laugh.

Sign below — and let’s get Detroit some damn sharks.