The number one predictor of murder by an intimate partner is not violence.

CONTROL IS.

As of July 2021, New York State officially recognizes coercive control in family court proceedings.

Definition (NYS Family Court Act § 812(1)(a)):

“A pattern of behavior that in purpose or effect unreasonably controls, restricts, or entraps another person, or causes emotional or psychological harm.”

Every day, women (and men) suffer not only physical violence — but a relentless pattern of control, isolation, financial manipulation, intimidation, and psychological abuse known as coercive control.

These actions that may not leave visible bruises — but the damage is real, long-term, and incredibly devastating for victims and their families. The absence of visible bruises makes it that much more difficult to get help; if you're not bleeding, broken, or bruised, you're not taken seriously. You're not believed. And you end up being retraumatized by the very systems in place meant to help you.

That’s why we support Assembly Bill A00679 / Senate Bill S04079, which would add Section 135.80 to the Penal Law and make coercive control a Class E felony for persons who engage in a course of conduct against a family or household member that restricts their freedom, associations or finances.

Coercive control is not about anger — it’s about ownership. It’s the deliberate, systematic domination of another person’s autonomy. Survivor’s describe it as “being kidnapped in your own life.”

By the time most victims realize what’s happening, their sense of self, safety, and financial independence have already been dismantled. 

According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, 99% of domestic abuse cases involve some form of financial abuse. Abusers cut off access to bank accounts, destroy credit, sabotage employment, or give “allowances” so small that victims can’t survive independently; they can hardly survive at all. Financial abuse is prevalent because it’s effective - it’s the reason that so many victims stay or return to abusers because they literally cannot afford to leave.

Financial sabotage — things like lowering a credit card limit to an absurdly low limit, or disputing legitimate charges - isn’t “petty.” It’s premeditated captivity by bureaucracy.

Coercive control involves constant monitoring, degradation, and fear — a daily cycle of gaslighting that makes the victim doubt their own mind and feel like they’re going crazy. Survivors often say: “I wished he would just hit me. Then people would believe me.” When my abuser finally physically assaulted me - a decade in - I was grateful. (Although it still didn’t matter, and the fact that someone can be trapped in a life where they pray to be physically assaulted is horrifying.)

- Studies show that victims of coercive control suffer PTSD symptoms equal to or greater than those of combat veterans. 

- Coercive control is often the precursor to homicide. 

- It’s so dangerous because it’s the kind of abuse that’s easiest to deny, hardest to prove, and most devastating to live through.

The UK has coercive control on lockdown - it’s been a criminal offense since 2015. Between 2015 and 2022, police logged over 40,000 arrests for coercive control. 

New York? Zero protections. Victims here have to wait for physical injury before the law recognizes abuse. States like California, Connecticut, and Hawaii have already codified coercive control into domestic violence statutes. How is it possible that New York — the supposed epicenter of progress — still hasn’t? 

New York’s laws still require bruises for justice. Coercive control is violence — it’s violence of the mind, the bank account, the identity. The law MUST evolve to recognize the kind of harm that doesn’t show up in photos.

In one UK study, over 90% of domestic homicides were preceded by coercive control behaviors. Victims lose years of their lives — not just in the relationship, but in recovery.

Survivors describe the aftermath as “rebuilding a personality from scratch.”

Coercive control doesn’t happen someone loves too much — it happens because someone sees love as ownership. There is no real “love” that exists inside this kind of abuse.

It doesn’t always look like yelling or hitting; it looks like starvation, passwords, isolation, degradation, and quiet humiliation.

Coercive control often precedes physical violence and is one of the strongest predictors of escalated abuse. Current NYS law doesn’t always allow prosecutors to address non-physical, but strategic and controlling behaviours. 

This legislation would empower victims, improve access to justice, and send a powerful societal message that controlling behavior will create consequences. It aligns New York with other jurisdictions that recognise and address non-physical abuse patterns.

NY needs to catch up - quickly.

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Some examples of coercive control - this list is in no way exhaustive:

Financial Control: Cutting off access to money, giving “allowances,” lowering credit limits, sabotaging employment, or refusing to let someone earn or keep their own income.
Isolation: Stopping a person from seeing family or friends, monitoring calls, or guilt-tripping them for spending time with others.
Example: Control and manipulation disguised as "concern" - "I just don't think your mom/friend/etc. is good for you. You're better than that. I think you'd be happier without them in your life."
Surveillance: Constantly checking phones, tracking devices, or monitoring social media and emails.
Threats and Intimidation: Threatening to harm themselves, pets, or the victim’s loved ones if they leave.
Gaslighting: Denying or rewriting reality until the victim doubts their own memory or sanity.
Degradation: Name-calling, humiliation, or making the person feel worthless or crazy.
Control of Basic Needs: Dictating what someone eats, wears, or when they can sleep.
Legal or Institutional Abuse: Using law enforcement or court systems to harass or intimidate.