Fighting the fight and parents battling suicidal thoughts...What does it take? 7 billboards (the movie was great) I couldnt afford it, 1 petition, 1 protest, numerous letters to lying provider, 10 letters to members of parliament letters for help and to change laws, three complaints to commissioner of police not interested, 3 complaints to local police wont question worker who hurt my son, 3 letters to Stuart Robert...but wait we havent finished yet...and I will do whatever it takes to have cameras in disabilities places of care and programes to give disability children and adults, protection and justice.
Parents need to help each other and stand up to the cold hearted actions of the NDIS and its Ministers Stuart Robert and rogue Scott Morrison.
Desperate parents of disability kids - this should not be - but they are here in Australia and in UK as noted below. If parents of disability children, stop fighting for their children's rights and their own needs then parents will give up and become helpless and in despair, even suicidal. Keep fighting. Demand the support you need and demand justice for your children in the face of devious, thieving, providers who do not care when our children are hurt, harmed or abused. #disabilitylivesmatteroz
"Far out I dont want my son eaten by a crocodile!" I said to the doctor recently after finding out that two years ago a disability accommodation house let a 14 year old boy wander off from the house at Western Australia and get eaten by a crocodile. Its actually true. The doctor said thats a bit extreme. It happens. Alligator then I said or whatever they let it happen to him. Well extreme things are happening to disability kids and I dont think that accommodation disability organization was ever punished for that one either. If a little childcare kid got eaten by a crocodile there would be hell to pay. Definitely prosecutions. No,hj not in disabilities they blame the disability or he was a 'runner' so what? Childcare kids wander off too, how about actually looking after the disability kids. The boys body was found hanging in a tree mauled and foot eaten off. A stark symbol of how little providers care for those with disabilities. Many just dont do the right things or have enough staff or even train them enough or at all, a common complaint by those who have left that provider in the past.
IN the '7 billboards' movie the mother would not stop fighting for justice for her daughter who had been murdered and raped...her little town shut off from her and the police were so slack she took them all on. She put up big billboards on the road to her town and caused an outcry demanding why the head of police would not find out who killed her daughter. If this woman did not fight she would I think have killed herself. Do gooders came to see her and say if there is anything we can do...but they did not mean it including the local clergyman. The mother needed more than comfort words she needed actions and she would make the whole town feel uncomfortable especially the police until she got it.
Showing how desperate parents of disability are getting even in the UK is an article by the Sun newspaper (Kate Jackson 2019) even before the pandemic, noting that parents of disabled children were battling suicidal thoughts due to lack of funding and fear they cannot care for their kids safely....sound familiar?... their funds had been cut back by the government..so typical the governments hurting the weak and vulnerable who need more support.
Noted in the article that 'more than half of parents suffer depression, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts because of a lack of support' It also notes that more than half have been forced to give up a paid job to care for their disabled child and 40 % have split from a partner since their child's diagnosis. No wonder we are desperate...with no means to live and no means of support. The NDIS needs to step up and our society needs to support families and help them,not just with words but in practical ways.
Parents are battling those sort of depressed suicidal thoughts here in Australia too...
We must help each other to keep going on and support each other emotionally, and even in practical ways. As for the funding well we are all battling with the NDIS over that since it started. WE have to keep fighting, protesting, complaining, donts stop as soon as you do you will give up hope. Some get more funds some get less and parents tend to just want to hold fort...without any interaction with others... but we will not make it on our own. WE need other parents or just an understanding friend to talk to at least and share with each other so that you do not think you are the only one because you are not... suicide comes from helplessness when facing difficulties and major stressors in life...trapped...no answers - sometimes and often too we need to ask someone else what they think or what to do...to problem solve can alleviate must helplessness and the depression it causes - even through talking you can find answers even when its really hard...
staying isolated it wont help we slide into a pit of despair...people need to support parents of disability kids but we need to make them aware of problems we are facing...some dont care but other do the one or two and I have even found complete strangers have helped me make a final decision by telling me what they went through or did. Humans need each other dont believe the lie that you can make it on your own none of us can especially with the huge pressures those with disability kids face...we need time out to think - a break -respite dont deny yourself that and we need each other and friends to talk to or a stranger who wants to listen still works.
We all have a common enemy - fear as the parents in UK are suffering too, fear that we cannot look after our children enough and fear for their futures...fear that we will not cope...
it does take a village to raise a child - how much more a disability child young or adult...we fear for them because of what is already happening in the area of abuse in accommodation or even respite care...we are too scared to put them there but all parents are getting older and we will not be here to look after them...we need to set up a system now somehow and we must support each other...
Of course society should also support parents and the government instead of just trying to make money out of parents desperate need.
The Sun article by Chris Balcome (2019)noted that more than half of parents suffer depression and anxiety and even suicidal thoughts because of lack of support. Yes as a parent we always are on a backfoot with a disability child we are trying to raise and protect...we have to fight for the entire length of their lives and our lives...for them
no wonder parents give up...Australia is such a look after myself society and forget the rest and this attitude will not help us with our children we need to help each other as much as we can...
Its interesting that even the UK newspapers (daily Mail UK 2018) noted what happened here in Australia (daily Mail Australia), of the mother who tried to kill herself and her disabled son who had autism and epilepsy often waking in the night. Of course she couldnt cope. They noted "she reached breaking point after caring for him for 30 years" as seen in the article by Debbie Schipp from news.com on 60 minutes. the mother, Yvette, 60 years old, blames the lack of disability support system that drove her to breaking point, calling and calling NDIS for help there was no answer to her calls. She was so desperate that she gave up and knowing no one would care about her son she planned to take him too when she killed herself. She was short on sleep her marriage was gone. The judge noted it was not an act of hate but of love. This same mother now says because they survived the death attempt and lived, she wokeup and called an ambulance, and now tells parents to go for help anywhere they can not to do what she did she regrets it of course. When you are trapped you can do crazy things and terrible things depending how far down you go and isolated you are. You feel there is no way out you worry about your disability child after seeing the cold way the world treats disabilties. If your child is assaulted or abused...it sends you into the pit of despair over and over.
I felt similar after my mother died, I felt alone and my family members turned on me and did not care about their brother. I wondered what is the point?...I had to find my purpose out of the heartache and we all must. WE also need to be with other people that care we need to search for deeper answers. This superficial world has none for us. We must value our child even if the world does not. We owe it to him and her and ourselves. They should not die because of our stressors...we cannot think clearly when we are down. I also understand this common scenario of being left to cope with a disability child on your own. The coldness of society as it turns its back on you is a real killer of hope, being ostracised, ignored and given little to live on,yes can make you more desperate. Who wouldnt be? To alleviate the depression and pressures we need respite, rest we have to fight for that,from funding to the right places for our children to stay for a day or so... we have to help ourselves in order to help our demands of our child young or adult.
As a parent under extreme stress, Give yourself a break there is only so much you can humanly take. You need time to think and restore your emotions from stress...I go to the beach alot whenever I can other people say they dont need that...but one day it will hit you all the stressors and problems and you will be too tired to cope anymore.
This mother tried to kill herself and her son but failed. WE cannot let people feel so bad they cannot go on, the NDIS is answerable for this kind of desperation.
Another older couple in their sixties in my area near the blue mountains in 2013 killed their son in the NSW because they said they were depressed and lacking sleep and didnt see how they could go on. The court let them off for compassion reasons. 5 years later they killed themselves. How can you live with yourself after that? I dont judge them but I dont want parents to keep being treated so badly they have to go this far. Having said that we need to value every human being including our disability children...and we need to value ourselves enough to try and get a break some kind of rest or respite regularly...fight for it for the sake of yourself and your child. Value yourself you are worth gold and so is your child young or old. The world only values money values it is cold and heartless toward those in need. We have to help each other where we can.
No one can humanly cope with sleep deprivation it will lead to depression and no one can cope with isolation we need each other...
humans are more resilient if they have caring friends they can trust even one or two...without it we will struggle and falter worse
Instead of chasing filthy maman, our society needs to help the weak, the poor and needy materially but also emotionally, carers and those with disabilities...more blessed to give than receive you will find something better in your life because of it and love conquers adversity... if society is selfish eventually falls apart because all humans get old or sick, or strokes and disabilities can come to those who actually ignored the needs of those around them when they were ok and now it will happen to the selfish themselves and no one wants to help them even when they demand it.
If we turn our backs on each other we will not survive as humans are social animals regardless of pandemics...we will not survive without love, care, nurturing and a friend who helps us work out the problems we will face. A friend to listen. Even a psychologist to get on neutral ground i went to one when I was being bullied by relatives, lawyers, and real estates after my mother died. Yes even though I am a psychologist myself I am human too and things can get overwhelming and hard for anyone...and psychologists go to each other often triggered by the people they try to help.
Masks are a curse because a smile on a mother's face switches the 900 genes on in a baby positively without it a baby becomes depressed if the mother never smiles at it. Likewise even children, teens, youth and adults need the smile of another human it also affects their brain chemicals, all of us, and all humans need someone to talk to be validated...masks stop this and limit this. To me people are sad with the masks on.
It is oppressive...and technology is not enough we need real people to talk to in our lives. The power of the presence of other is strong and research backs this up. We can face life better, and chemicals that make us stronger and resilient are released when we spend time with each other in actual life.
All the best
Anndrea x
https://www.change.org/p/the-federal-government-new-protection-laws-needed-for-vulnerable-persons-with-disabilities-over-18-years-old/psf/share