Celestial Mechanics was a Wild Ale brewed by Jake Miller at Heirloom Rustic Ales in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Jake would rather fish with a spin caster than brew it again FOR SOME REASON. It has been years since it's last production and in that time the world has experienced poverty, plague, famine and war. Now, I'm not saying that Jake perpetuated these events or that he wore a subtle yet sharp grin while reading the articles. Definitely NOT saying that. However, the math works out that the world was a better place with Celestial Mechanics in it. A bit of personal testimony: Back when I was 42, my 3rd son, Humphrey Beauregard, beat me at backgammon. Earlier that day, my wife called me and wanted to mend our rift for the kids. It was easily the worst day of my life. I remember everything felt so dull. So bland. I yearned for a more bright existence, I longed to feel more... wild. I took a unicycle lap around the block to clear my head and get the blood flowing back to my hamstrings. I saw the hot Prof. McGonagall on the wall of Heirloom Rustic Ales and I decided, today I will let the devil tempt me. I sat down on the string ham hock hammock chairs they and told the tender my story. As they used 3 to 4 towels to wipe the torrential flow of tears from their eyes they gave me a grin and said "I know just what you need" as they poured me a glass of life changing liquid. Didn't look any different from any other beer but I decided to buy in and give it a shot. My eyes gaped wide. The muscles on the back of my head engaged as they pulled my ears up to attention. Whisping noises coming from my nose as the air sharply is inhaled. This drink. This ale. It was... WILD. It was everything my black chasm of a life was longing for! It was the bright happy little submarine coming down to visit me at the depths! It was the sun peeling back the clouds to pronounce it's regal presence! It was bright Gandalf riding with the dawn to save me from a deluge of Uruk-hai! I went home that day and absolutely buried my kids face in the DIRT on backgammon and I called my wife and told her sorry hun! Shop's closed! Call back tomorrow at CLICK! I slapped the Razr shut right on her face! The world wants, nay, NEEDS this wild ale back in it. Please, help me get my kids back. Sign the petition today!!!!