RIP PAP Hope your looking down knowing I was trying to do something good for the ones who faught beside you for the freedom most others take for granted but i dont n thats because you taught me its not actually free your probably rolling over in your grave at the fact that the ones who stopped me from buying presents for the local veterans are none otjer then the white haben police which you once told me when you were once one yourself your job was to protect and serve  now they apparantly think that means protect their jobs and serve fines (or threaten to anyway ) good thing you taught me my rights and to stand up for what i believe in no matter who against or at whatever cost and I'm not gonna lie pap I'm scared .. they are targeting my friends now cuz i borrowed the truck i used to take all my tables and supplies for the tie dyes to make make with the kidsto the festival to have to loaf it all up myself 4 of tjem watchef me struggle killing myself carting my whole stand to the truck myslef while they drive arr in their suv and sidebyside not one could offer to help  police are not like when you were one not at all with great power come great responsible they have the power and they all well aware of how to use it in their favor the responsibility part of it has been long forgotten so has humility, morals, values, and for the most part good people in general but i hope you know i still carry each one of those things with me daily anf i ow that to you and gram n gram komishock and mike here’s a text I received the other day that I realli needed to hear cuz I was starting to give up on thinking people even notice the good things I try to do daily  to treat others the way I would want to be treated !!

Have i told you just how blessed i am for having met you? From the bottom of my heart thank you 

In this world you are of tbe rarest there are a truly good person please stay that way and teach others that its about helping others not trying to get over on them if there were more like you this world would be a way better place  

that’s onli part of it and I’m sure you already know cuz your here with me watching proudly maybe not at all my decisions or life choice I’m sure but definitely at how I treat others and more importantly it’s not how others treat you that matters it’s how you react to it that’s the important part “that one has stopped me from a lot of heat of the moment could have ended badly but didn’t cuz I was taught by the best most amazing man I still may ever encounter I miss you so much !! Pap xoxo love you to the moon and back twice and once around each star!! Untill I see that amazing smile of yours again “When Your looking at me” “Your looking at country” 

I learned at a young age what I don’t let get close to can’t ever hurt me. I’ve thought this way almost as long as I’ve been alive my whole world crashed down around me like a ton of bricks 13 years old 3 AM. I honestly can remember wishing it was me who had died one of the first and only men who ever ever gained my trust you’re absolutelyalways going to own and hold enormous pieces of my heart. He taught me things I will never have through my myself to remember because I surely won’t forget he never taught me a lesson I would ever regret freedom is not actually free so when you meet a veteran than them, respect your elders under every Single circumstance, no matter your gut feeling about someone everyone deserves at least one chance you’ve never walked in another shoe, so don’t judge by comparison to wrongs don’t make a right don’t ever try three my grandparents taught me every aspect that became the very best version of me don’t ever make someone feel ashamed because you have something they couldn’t afford instead of doing that. Why not give them yours conceitedness is ugly and real beauty always comes from within. If I named all the ways they’ve made me better a better person. I would need two more books and eight more days now that grandma is gone now too. All I can think about is their house now because I want it out of any type of greed, but because all of my childhood memories it’s where they were all conceived, I could care less about the house itself it’s where I became the best version of myself where all my greatest childhood memories were all carried, I had visions and versions of my wedding day in that yard. It’s where I was married it’s a smell of more butter than butter, pancakes, gritty, green, Gojo and Bondo the storm of 93 all bundled up to go out and play now scared how scared I what I felt as I walked off the porch and was completely under snow. It’s watching waiting for the pen to bottom out till I can pull the chains through wind, his old grandfather clock. He cared so much about now I love it just as much only because of him where the clock ends up I hate to even fathom doing our nightly ritual at the kitchen table counting change I’ll never forget when he looked me right in the eye and says you and your brother the two of you are my favorites. Don’t tell the others it’s where I learn to ride a bike and ride out words and colors I could light up his whole day even if it were a hard one how careful he was when he took out his guns. It’s a song by Loretta Lynn he would start and I would finish he would say when you’re looking at me, and I’d reply you’re looking at country still to this day. I won’t sing in front of anybody else the house and all I’ve done there. It’s clearly always been my safe zone. It’s where he first spoiled me rotten and why I appreciate everything more now that I’m grown. It’s pizza pizza slice shaped smelly orange cheese at Christmas. He loved with a side of popcorn balls were six turns into eight stockings every holiday season. It’s my baby toenail. It still grows into separate pieces. If you want to know why ask the car jack in the garage then you’ll know the reason remember the night I was wasn’t allowed to stay at Pap and Gram‘s kicking and screaming. Already mapped out my plans for 4 AM snuck out in the out and then threw the yard scared as I was alone in the night knock at the door Gram answered wondering this isn’t right who the hell could she let me in I got a drink and crawled in bed between my Pap and Gram and went to sleep. These are memories. I’ll always keep thinking about it now there’s not one place on earth. I think I’ve ever felt a safe they took me to church. They taught me my faith six or seven years of age through the door. Had to tow in blood couldn’t one word, sobbing so hard. How did this happen? I reply I was picking apples in the neighbors yard picking apples you were picking apples. Why couldn’t you pick apples from the ground? Wait till your father sees my crying, got louder and louder and I say, but Grammy all the good apples are the top of the trees it’s a calamine bath, in the left side double sink when I had chickenpox, it’s after every rainfall in the backyard, finding nudes and flipping rocks, no one could live there. It just won’t feel right the clock, the hutch the kitchen table, the place where paps desk once was down to the photos on the walls. All of them combined. It’s what gave the home it’s life, it’s your story and my story and everything that’s there is a little bit it’s only when combined together could you get all of it no matter what happens to me I’ll always it’ll always be my pangrams house you see it’s where my first memories took out, and it will always be part of me I miss you both dearly and my other Gram too. Thanks for teaching me and being there and molding together, the best parts and pieces of what made me until I see you again when you’re looking at me, you’re looking at country.