I am a big, oily man. Often, when the need to use a restroom arises, I find myself surrounded by nothing but houses. There are times when reaching a public restroom is simply not an option. This is not just my personal struggle; it's a situation that many like me face daily.

We propose the legalization of access to residential restrooms for individuals covered in olive oil - an unusual requirement, perhaps, but one that serves as our unique identifier and ensures we are easily recognizable and non-threatening.

While this may sound strange or even amusing to some, consider this: according to the American Restroom Association (ARA), 1 in 6 people suffer from 'toilet anxiety,' which can be exacerbated by lack of access to facilities. Our proposal could help alleviate such distress for those who identify as 'big oily men.'

We understand that this might raise concerns about privacy and security among homeowners. However, we assure you that our intention is purely based on necessity and not intrusion. We believe it's time for empathy and understanding towards all unique situations.

Please support us in making life easier for big oily men everywhere by signing this petition today!