Dear fellow citizens,

We keep hearing “We want our country back!” shouted across pubs, Facebook comments, and the occasional taxi ride rant. Well, let’s make it happen… but with a twist.

For one glorious week, anyone who is not “properly English” will take fully paid time off. That includes:

• The Scottish (aye, off you pop).
• The Welsh (diolch, see you next Monday).
• The Irish (slán for now).
• And of course, all the so-called “foreigners” who apparently keep ruining everything while simultaneously running everything.

That means no doctors, no nurses, no surgeons, no teachers, no delivery drivers, no curry chefs, no bus drivers, no corner shop legends. Nada. Zip. Just the English… finally free to govern, heal, feed, and deliver unto themselves.

And don’t worry,  the week off will be paid for by English taxes (because what could be more patriotic than paying for your own downfall?).

The Point

This is not punishment. This is not revenge. This is simply a polite, well-timed social experiment.

The English can finally:

• Try running hospitals without “foreign interference.”
• Drive Ubers without GPS or clutch control.
• Grow their own food (hope you like boiled turnips).
• And most importantly, complain about “foreigners taking jobs” while desperately begging them to come back.

At the end of the week, the English will have a choice:

• Learn to live alongside everyone else, or
• Enjoy permanent boiled turnips.

Our Demand

We demand the UK government implement this policy as soon as possible, preferably during flu season for maximum dramatic effect.

Sign This Petition If…

You’re tired of hearing “take back our country.”

You’d quite like a week off, funded by English taxpayers.

You want to watch chaos unfold with popcorn in hand.

Together, we can give the English exactly what they keep asking for… and then watch them beg for the foreigners back.

Proposed dates: 20th December 2025