Daniel Holtzclaw has written a new letter to supporters! Daniel describes the huge impact being an athlete has had on his life, and how painful it was when the media, detectives, and district attorney presumed he was guilty and labeled him as a “narcissist” and worse without ever getting to know who he truly is: a man dedicated to achieving goals in competitive sports, overcoming obstacles, and representing his family and community honorably. Here is Daniel's letter.
(Letter dated 1/20/2019) Dear supporters,
As some of you guys are unaware, I was labeled as a “narcissist” by the corrupt DA, detectives, and of course the mass media. Not one single time did any of them take time to actually get to know me, but yet I was judged and put into some horrific, heinous categories. It was extremely unfair and hurt like hell.
My whole life I’ve worked hard to gain a good reputation. I was raised with good values and knew that my actions not only affect myself, but my family as well. As time went on, I was part of teams, a university, a department, a brotherhood, etc. Not only did I know I represented myself, but I represented everything I was part of. I never once wanted to let anyone down, especially anyone from my hometown.
Throughout my time of being wrongfully incarcerated, I’ve journaled everything. If you name it more than likely I’ve done my best to articulate that specific subject. Looking back, I’m really happy that I did put all my thoughts to paper so that one day I can share my struggles, my adverse times where I’ve overcome obstacles where people constantly doubted me. Times where people would literally give up and break down.
I firmly believe there will be a day where the dark days I’ve struggled in and continue to go through will ultimately help several individuals. With that said, I would like to explain who the real Daniel Holtzclaw is and not some media frenzy label of “narcissist”. Please bear with me as this support letter may be pretty lengthy.
It all started when I was young in my early childhood. My father was in the military so we were stationed in Tokyo, Japan. The air force base was big and I was able to interact/meet several people who had been around the world. As I grew up in Japan, I was extremely competitive. My world revolved around sports.
My first love was basketball, soccer, & baseball. I would do my best after school hours to find a pick-up game. Living on the base was harder for young athletes. It was hard to find a game where the other players were around your age. Typically they were several years older and you had to try to fit in when you could. The older guys didn’t show any mercy so this is probably what stirred up my competitive juices. Playing with older guys made me tougher and pushed my athletic ability further.
As I turned nine we moved to Oklahoma. It was an eye opener. We moved into a real house. In Japan we lived in apartments. The military housed larger families in these small apartment complexes. As a young kid I was in shock about everything. The simplest things such as different types of vehicles amazed me. Having the experience to understand different cultures ultimately matured me faster as a young kid.
My passion and love for sports grew even stronger in Oklahoma. I wanted to be the next Michael Jordan or Kobe. As a young teenager I excelled in sports and allowed achievements to get to my head. I was young and didn’t grasp the concept of being humble. As time went on, I observed my peers acting differently around me. I had to look at myself in the mirror and understand this “image” I was trying to portray wasn’t me. I was young, immature, and ignorant. I believe at that time I was so busy trying to impress my peers, especially the girls, that I was becoming this person that I didn’t want to be. So yes, I was once that stereotypical “jock”. It was a great learning lesson because I understood that my actions dictated how people perceived me and ultimately treated me.
As high school came around, I was just like any other kid trying to fit in. I was nervous and since my hometown’s school was from grades 10-12 it put a lot of the athletes “behind the curve” since we didn’t have another year of high school to develop. At this time, I gave up on basketball. There was a new coach and I just didn’t like his coaching style. I decided to focus mainly on football.
I will always remember what my dad told me, “Either you get a scholarship or you’re going to the military”. I probably would say that was the turning point for me. For some of the kids that were going to school, it was easy and a walk in the park. Financially a lot of my friends’ parents were well off so their school tuition in college would be taken care of. For me, it was different. I was working at the age of 14 at McDonald’s. My family would be considered middle class since my father was in the military and then retired. He was in the military police and then took his experience off base to become a police officer in Enid. My mother was in and out of jobs typically paying minimum wage due to her language barriers and schooling (Japanese schooling is different than in the U.S.).
I continued to work at McDonald’s until I was about 16. Looking back, I wouldn’t change a single thing. It taught me a lot about being independent, responsibilities, and work ethic. My father wanted me to understand that nothing is ever given and that you have to work hard for everything. At the time when I was younger, it was embarrassing seeing my friends and peers pull up through the drive through and there I was in uniform. I missed out on a lot of get togethers with my friends, which I hated because I was like any other kid wanting to have fun all the time. Again, I wouldn’t change a thing because it matured me faster than some of my peers.
Football season started my sophomore year and I was busting my butt to get recognition from my head coach. Midway through the season, I had the opportunity to beat out a senior at outside linebacker. I ended up winning the starting position and from then on there was a lot of demand and pressure to perform at a high level. Most of the starters were either juniors or seniors. I was a smaller linebacker at this time so I knew I had to put on weight especially if I wanted to get some looks from scouts at the collegiate level.
Enid (6A football), which is the highest level of competition in the state, was known to have a decent program. But it had been years since they had made the playoffs and years since people were actually offered a Division 1 scholarship, meaning a full ride scholarship. The odds were stacked against me. Not only did I have only three years of playing high school football, it was hard to get your name out to collegiate coaches since we weren’t making the playoffs.
The end of the season came and our head coach got fired. A new coach came in and so did a brand new set of expectations. Again, I had to establish myself and earn a starting spot.
That off season I worked my butt off. I focused mainly on football and working out. I probably put on about 15-20 pounds of muscle. I was dedicated, committed & inspired to help my team make the playoffs and help my chances of getting a full ride scholarship. When I say committed, I mean to the extreme. I knew exactly what I wanted and set several goals out to achieve. I literally would bring weight gainer shakes to class and eggs, tuna, meals to eat. It was hard for me to gain weight and I knew I had to increase my calorie intake & protein intake. At McDonald’s whenever I had a break I would eat burgers, pickles, and nuggets. I worked in the cooking area so it was easy for me to eat constantly.
I spent a lot of time on the computer researching ways to increase my athletic abilities, learning about the anatomy of the body, and reading muscle magazines/bodybuilding magazines. I even bought equipment with my saved money (minimum wage at McDonald’s), which was “sole shoes” to increase my speed, quickness, and vertical. I bought parachutes to add resistance to my speed training. Enid didn’t have the state-of-the-art equipment like the big schools in Oklahoma (Broken Arrow, Tulsa Union, Jenks, etc.). It was literally old school type equipment. During my junior year, I progressed in helping my team individually as well.
Finally my senior year came around. To me this was do or die. My last year to reach the playoffs and hoping to gain some recognition from college coaches. I remember yelling “D1” around my coaches all the time. They probably thought I was crazy, but looking back I think it was pretty smart. It reinforced my drive to achieve my dream/goals. Since the previous year guys didn’t get any looks or scholarship offers, there was a lot of doubt in the air. I welcomed that doubt because it ultimately fueled the fire.
My first game of my senior year finally came and I was ready. All that hard work, sweat, tears, constantly trying to push myself, and here it was. I was a senior and started all three years in high school. I had the most experience playing time on the team. I was blessed to be chosen as a captain and to help lead my team to victories. I gladly accepted and I didn’t want to let my teammates down.
My first game I broke the single record for tackles in Enid High’s history. We also won the game and I was on the right track for success. Mid season came and we were in an intense goal line situation. The running back got the ball and was running full speed downhill trying to score a touchdown. I was able to get free and it was an isolation play, me against him. As I built full speed, someone clipped my legs. I was unbalanced and airborne. My head was looking down and I couldn’t situate my body fast enough. Soon enough, the running back and I collided.
This impact wasn’t a normal impact. The top of my crown collided right into his mid chest plate (pads). If anyone has played football, you know that this is very dangerous and could break your neck and ultimately paralyze you. Instantly, I began screaming. I was rolling around and the only thing that I could think of was “I’m not going to get a scholarship, I’m done”. I was so scared and sad. My strength in my left arm was little to none. I couldn’t even curl a ten pound dumbbell.
I ended up getting an MRI and nothing was broken, but there was some nerve damage. The doctor prescribed Lortabs for my pain. The doctor also told me that I shouldn’t play football anymore. I refused to give up and give up my dreams. I was a captain and a lot of the younger players looked up to me and needed me. I couldn’t let anyone down. During lunchtime in school we were allowed to go off campus. I would drive to our athletic trainer and get more treatment. This included stem work, which was electric impulse on the damaged area, ice, stretching.
Not only was I hurt, but all that work done in the past years of getting my strength up to aid me on the football field was gone. I had to start off at square one. I had to put in more work in the weight room and it hurt. The next game was coming up and psychologically I was scared. I knew I would play timid and wouldn’t be as aggressive. Also, I wondered how would it feel to go full speed with another player and have a big impact.
I had to face my fears and I took painkillers before the game and at half time to still play. I remember I would hit someone hard and literally drop to the ground rolling and screaming. I ran to the sideline for a play and then got right back in. I refused to be sidelined. If I could still run, I was still going to play.
As my senior year was ending, reality was hitting. We weren’t going to make the playoffs. I ended up leading the state in tackles and ultimately was picked for all-state.
Missing the playoffs hurt a lot because I felt as the senior captain I would lead the team to its first playoff appearance since the 90’s. That last game, I remember sitting in the locker room crying. I didn’t know what the future held for me. I didn’t know if I did well enough to get anyone’s attention. A lot of things were left in the air and I just sat there trying to embrace my last time I would wear blue and gray (my jersey).
It was off season so I knew I was going to play in the all-state game. I had to get ready and recover from my injury. Not only was an invitation to the all-state a huge honor, but I was able to represent Enid.
Recruiting season had come along at this time and I was getting offers from junior colleges and division 2 schools. The recruiting aspect was really new to me. I actually ended up making my own highlight tape. Nowadays, coaches will make it for their players because not only does the player bet the recognition but the coaches as well. What high school coach doesn’t want to coach at the collegiate level? I sent my highlight tape to all the Big 12 schools. My last highlight tape I sent was to OU, University of Oklahoma, the powerhouse national champions. I actually debated on whether I should waste a tape sending them one. I figured they already had all the guys they wanted.
Well it was coming close to the end of the recruiting season, meaning all the Division 1 schools were almost out of scholarships. I still had a lot of high hopes and one day one of my coaches came to me and basically said I wasn’t going Division 1. I should look into other, smaller schools. At that time it made me mad to hear that. Not only did a lot of people in Enid cast doubt on athletes, thinking they never have a shot at a D1 school, my own coach was trying to place doubt in my mind. Just like all the adverse times I faced, I just used it as a way to motivate me. “Fuel for the fire,” as I would say.
Days, then weeks passed. I was in class one day when my head coach pulls me out. He tells me that he received a call from a Division 1 school in Michigan. Being from Oklahoma, I wasn’t familiar with smaller Division 1 schools. All I knew was the Big 12 and other big schools. My coach told me that they were interested in me and wanted to fly me out for a visit. If a Division 1 school flies you out for an “official” visit, that usually means they are going to offer you a scholarship. Words couldn’t describe my emotions at that time. I was filled with joy.
I believe within a day or two I received a call at home. It was the coaches from OU, University of Oklahoma. I remember being shocked and suspicious in a way when I got that call. I thought to myself, “No way is OU calling me”. As I was listening closely, the coaches wanted me to a recruited walk on. This means they wouldn’t offer me a scholarship that first semester. I explained how financially it would be hard for me. I told them I would have to think about it and would let them know in a day or two.
By this time, the flight was scheduled for Eastern Michigan (EMU Eagles). I went on the visit and it was great. I met the coaches and players. At the end of the visit, I sat down with the head coach. He ended up offering me a scholarship. As I asked him how he heard of me, he explained that he was in touch with the staff at OU. They had coached together previously, several years ago. So based off the powerhouse OU’s word, saying they found a linebacker late that they wanted, Eastern was quick to grab me.
When I got the call from OU again to see what my answer was to walk on, I was so happy and grateful that they spoke up for me. Without them, there wouldn’t have been a full ride. I respectfully declined to walk on, but I did say if I made an impact my first year as a true freshman would you accept me as a transfer? They said give us a call and we’ll talk.
I was on cloud nine. Not only did I accept a full ride D1 offer, OU’s coaching staff put in a word for me and knew who I was. My mind was going 100 MPH and I was just pondering about the past years of having a dream and goal that no one expected me to fulfill. All my hard work had paid off.
A lot of people didn’t know how much I sacrificed. Times where I could go party with my friends, instead I was working out or running sprints. If I did go to party, I was carrying a gallon of water instead of drinking beer. I was so devoted and committed, I didn’t even go to my prom. Instead, I was working out and getting ready for the next step.
To fast track forward, in college I was blessed to take advantage of the opportunities that presented themselves to me and achieve success. I was blessed and received a lot of accolades. Not once did I let that get to my head. I was able to attain a lot of my goals & dreams. I actually had a chance to play in the NFL. It was an extremely short period but a lot of guys don’t even have that opportunity I had. I was very humble about the process.
I graduated from Eastern and received my degree in Criminal Justice. I ended up applying to Oklahoma City Police Department and was accepted into the academy. I progressed forward and became a police officer. The same journey and process I went through my whole life with athletics, I implemented towards the department. The blue collar mentality and hard work ethic came each day I put on my uniform. Just like sports, I had goals I wanted to achieve as a police officer. I wanted to climb the ladder and through my short career as a police officer I was able to learn a lot.
At this time, my athletic career was done. Due to the hours as a police officer, I couldn’t pursue the NFL. I still had those competitive juices flowing and still do to this day! I decided to go into bodybuilding. This sport was perfect for me. Not only would I be able to compete one day in bodybuilding as a sport, but a lot of benefits came with it. Through my experience in athletics, I knew a lot about athletic training. I had a great foundation with my body due to the years of working out.
There’s a big misconception about bodybuilders nowadays. Sure there are your “meatheads” that just care about their looks, but for me it wasn’t that. I was able to stay healthy, fit, strong, and it helped me during my work as a police officer. I gained weight and a lot of muscle as I learned new techniques in working out as a bodybuilder. I was a bigger guy and people were quick to judge me. This wasn’t new to me since I was an athlete and made a name for myself. I was thick-skinned and didn’t allow all the negative trash to affect me.
As we fast forward to now, I’m addressing the label because here I am having to articulate and explain my life so there is understanding of what made me the man I am now. It’s unfair that not only my whole life I worked so hard to develop a good reputation and to help others, and all of a sudden I’m thrown into a nightmare. To judge others without actually getting to know them is flat out wrong. The media has a lot of power and it can alter people’s perceptions.
I want to end by thanking everyone again for their loving support! 30,000+ signatures!! That is amazing. Continue to spread word about my case. Thank you guys for keeping me alive. Also, thank you for taking time to read a quick summary of who I am and how athletics played a huge role in my life. I’m looking forward to our next Facebook Live event! For those who sent me letters, I appreciate the support and kind words. Please bear with me as it may take a little bit of time to respond. Thank you everyone!
With love,
DANIEL HOLTZCLAW