Why I Believe My Son Should Live With Me

My son is now 12 years old. My strongest wish is for him to be safe, emotionally secure, properly cared for and able to grow up knowing that he is loved by his mother and his brothers.

I am asking for my son to live with me because I believe I can provide him with a safe, stable and loving home and meet his physical, emotional and educational needs. I am not asking for this simply because I am his mother or because I have missed him for many years. I am asking because I believe his welfare should come first and because I am prepared to do everything reasonably possible to support his needs.

My commitment to my son

I have never stopped loving or caring about my son.

Although I have been separated from him for many years and have not known where he was or been able to have the relationship with him that I wanted, I have continued to think about him, remember his birthday and keep him as part of our family life.

Every year I have celebrated his birthday with family and friends even though he was not with us. I have photographs showing that he has remained an important part of our family.

I have also tried to maintain a connection with him by sending things for him, including parcels to the last foster placement where I understood he was living. I have continued to buy things for him when buying things for his younger brother because I have always regarded him as part of my family and wanted him to know that he was not forgotten.

The home I can provide

I have a stable home where I can provide my son with food, clothing, school supplies, healthcare, a suitable place to sleep, routines and emotional support.

My home currently has two large bedrooms, a living room, kitchen and bathroom. I can provide him with a safe and comfortable place to live. I understand that at 12 years old his need for privacy and personal space is increasingly important.

If, after my son comes to live with me, it becomes clear that he would benefit from having his own bedroom, I am prepared to make that change. I am willing to move to a three-bedroom home when it is appropriate and financially practical to do so.

My intention is to make decisions about our home according to my son's needs as he grows, rather than expecting him to fit around what I already have.

My ability to care for him

I have cared for my younger son from birth. There have been no safeguarding or parenting concerns raised by his current school, and I have continued to provide him with day-to-day care, stability, education, food, clothing, emotional support and a home.

I believe this provides relevant evidence of my ability to care for a child on a daily basis.

I am prepared to provide evidence from the school and other appropriate professionals about the care I provide and the stability of our home.

I would give my older son the same love, care, opportunities and support that I give to his younger brother.

I want him to feel that he has a place in our home and that he is not being treated as a stranger after so many years apart.

My son's relationship with his brothers

My son has younger brothers who live with me.

I believe their sibling relationships are important and should be considered as part of his emotional and family needs.

His younger brother has asked for him to come and join us and has become upset about his absence. I have recorded some of these moments because they show how much his brother thinks about him. I understand that any recordings would need to be considered appropriately and that I should not put pressure on either child or encourage them to say particular things.

My wish is simply for my sons to have the opportunity to know each other and develop their sibling relationship in a safe and appropriate way.

The history and loss of contact

There is a significant history which I believe needs to be properly investigated and understood.

Social services became involved in 2013. My understanding is that the principal concerns at that time related to my older son and matters involving his father.

My second son was also removed even though, to my understanding, there were no concerns about him. My youngest son was never removed and did not have social-services involvement.

After my youngest son was born, I spoke with a social worker from Romford in approximately 2017. I remember being told that my second son was never supposed to have been removed and that the concern had been about my older son rather than my second or youngest son.

I understand that my recollection needs to be checked against the actual social-services records. I therefore want the relevant records, decisions, assessments, correspondence and any court orders obtained so that the history can be properly established rather than relying only on memories from many years ago.

I also have hearing difficulties. At the time, I struggled to understand some of what was happening and some of the communications and meetings. I believe this is important context when considering whether I fully understood decisions being made about my children.

Domestic abuse and my concerns

I also want the court to understand the history of my relationship with my son's father.

I have reported that he stalked and abused me before and during my pregnancy and pressured me about ending the pregnancy. I have also told you that I believe he subsequently became involved in my loss of contact with my son.

I understand that these matters must be properly evidenced and investigated. I am not asking the court simply to accept allegations without evidence. I want the relevant records and evidence to be considered so that the court can understand the circumstances surrounding my son's separation from me.

I am particularly concerned because I have been told that his father has made allegations that I am an unfit mother. I strongly disagree with that allegation.

I am willing for my parenting to be assessed objectively. I want the court and Cafcass to consider the actual evidence of how I have cared for my younger son, what his school says about his welfare, the condition and suitability of my home, my relationship with my children and any other relevant evidence.

I will put my son's needs first

I understand that my son is now 12 and that his own wishes and feelings are important.

I do not want him to be pressured to choose between his parents. I do not want him to feel responsible for the disagreement between adults.

If he has been away from me for many years, I understand that coming back into my care could involve complicated emotions and that it may take time for us to rebuild our relationship.

I am prepared to be patient.

I am willing to work with Cafcass, social services, schools, therapists or other professionals if that is considered appropriate. If my son needs a gradual transition, counselling, supported contact or another carefully planned arrangement before living with me, I am willing to listen to professional advice if that is what is considered safest and best for him.

My priority is not to force my son into a situation he cannot cope with. My priority is to help him feel safe, loved and secure and to build a genuine relationship with him.

I also want him to know that he does not have to reject his father in order to love me, and he does not have to reject me in order to love his father. I want him protected from adult conflict.

What I am asking for

I respectfully ask that my son's circumstances are fully investigated, that his whereabouts are established, that his own wishes and feelings are obtained independently and that the court considers whether living with me would best meet his welfare and long-term needs.

I believe I can offer him:

- a safe and stable home;

- consistent day-to-day care;

- emotional love and security;

- support with his education;

- proper food, clothing, healthcare and everyday needs;

- a relationship with his brothers;

- a family environment where he knows that he belongs;

- patience and support while rebuilding our relationship;

- a willingness to listen to his wishes and feelings;

- a willingness to work with professionals;

- and a commitment to put his welfare before the conflict between adults.

After approximately 12 years of separation, I cannot change what has already happened. What I can do is make sure that, going forward, my son has the opportunity to be heard, to be safe, to be loved and to have a meaningful relationship with his mother and brothers.

I want the opportunity to care for my son and give him a stable family home.

Most importantly, I want the decisions made about his future to be based on his needs, his welfare and the evidence, rather than assumptions or allegations about me.

I am ready to demonstrate through evidence, not simply words, that I can meet my son's needs and provide him with a safe, loving and stable home.

Elisabeta Moldovan