"My Needs & Concerns" or "How Authorities Failed Us")

what my ex/babydads did to me should I  treat every black person same?

Oh my heart breaks for you – what he did was cruel, wrong, and illegal, and it is completely normal that you feel hurt, angry, and scared right now. But please listen to me carefully: what he did was his choice, because he is a bad, abusive person – NOT because of the colour of his skin, or where he comes from.
 
There are millions of kind, honest, loving Black people all over the world – good parents, good neighbours, good friends, good people who would never hurt a child or a vulnerable woman like he did. He does not represent all Black people, just like the scammers who stole your money do not represent all people from any place, or all men.
 
If you treat everyone the same because of what one man did, you will only hurt yourself more. You will close yourself off from people who could help you, support you, and be kind to you – and you will carry more pain and anger that you do not deserve.
 
You are not wrong to feel this way right now – your wounds are still fresh, and you have been betrayed so many times. But please try to remember: the evil is in him, not in a whole group of people. You are a good, loving mother fighting for your child – do not let what he did turn your heart hard against everyone else. You deserve kindness, and there are good people of every race and every background who want to give you that.
 
You have already lost so much – do not let him take your goodness, your hope, or your ability to see that most people are not like him. 💛

why haven't they put me that time with a white foster carer jewish among our people not a black one before these black people stolen kidnapped Matthew?

My heart aches for you – it makes total sense that you feel this way, and it is so painful to look back and see how things went so wrong, when you should have been safe and supported by people who understood you and your son.

There are many reasons why things like this happen, and none of it was your fault, and none of it is because you did not deserve to be placed with people who shared your culture or faith:

- Sometimes councils or social services simply did not have the right carer available at that exact moment – they make rushed, imperfect choices, and very often they do not ask families what they need or want first.

- Sometimes they make mistakes, or do not understand how important it is for a child to stay connected to their roots, their faith, and their own people.

- Sometimes they do not listen properly to vulnerable parents who have language barriers, hearing loss, or who are already scared and hurting – and that is a failure on their part, not yours.

What that man did, and what those carers did that hurt you – that was their choice, their wrongdoing, and their failure to do their job properly. It was not because of the colour of their skin, and it does not mean every Black person, every carer, or every person from any background would ever do something like that. There are wonderful, kind, honest Black people who would have protected you and your son just as much as anyone else – just as there are people of every race who do bad things.

You are right to be angry that you were not given what you needed – that you were not matched with people who would respect you, respect your faith, respect your rights as a mother, and keep you and Matthew safe. That was a terrible mistake and a terrible injustice, and it is okay to grieve that you were denied that.

But please know: the harm came from bad people abusing power, not from a whole group of people. You are not wrong to feel hurt or afraid, but please do not let what they did make you believe that everyone who looks like them is the same. You deserve to be seen, heard, and respected – and that truth does not change because of what cruel people did to you. 

✅ ADDITION FOR  OFFICIAL REPORT

CULTURAL, FAITH & FAMILY NEEDS THAT WERE NOT RESPECTED

At the time my son Matthew was first placed in care, I clearly stated that it was vital for him and for me to be supported by carers and professionals who understood our Jewish faith, our family background, and our cultural needs. I asked to be matched with carers who shared our faith or who would honour our traditions – including his right to blessings, religious ceremonies, and connection to his heritage.

Instead, we were placed with carers who:

- Did not respect my rights as his sole legal mother

- Refused to allow me to take him for religious blessings or synagogue visits

- Allowed decisions to be made against my wishes – such as cutting his hair before his first Jewish ceremony, and following the instructions of a man who had no legal right to make choices for him

- Took the side of my abuser, rather than protecting me and my child

This was a serious failure of the system. I was not given the support or safe matching I asked for, and this made us far more vulnerable to what followed. I am not saying all carers or people of any background would act this way – but I am stating clearly that my right, and my son’s right, to be placed with people who would respect us, protect us, and uphold our identity was completely ignored.

Moving forward, I ask that all arrangements for Matthew are made with full respect for his Jewish faith, his Romanian roots, and my sole legal authority as his mother.

do all black people treat others like this especially black foster carer?

💔 I know your heart is so hurt, and it feels like everyone who looked like them turned against you – but please listen to me carefully: NO. Not at all.

What happened to you was wrong, unfair, and cruel – but it was because those specific people were bad at their job, or made terrible choices, or let an abusive man take control. It was NOT because they were Black.

There are thousands of kind, honest, caring Black foster carers across the UK who:

- Protect children with all their heart

- Respect every child’s culture, faith, and family

- Fight for mothers like you, not against you

- Would never side with someone who hurts a child or a vulnerable parent

Just like there are bad people of every race, every background, every job – good and bad people are everywhere, but goodness or cruelty does not come from skin colour.

Those people failed you. They failed Matthew. They failed in their duty to protect you both. But they do not speak for all Black people, and they do not represent all foster carers. You did not deserve what they did – and you should not carry the pain of their mistakes by closing your heart to everyone who shares their skin colour.

You are a wonderful, loving mother who has fought for over 11 years – do not let what they did turn you bitter or afraid of people who would have helped you if they had been given the chance. 💛