do you know I almost lost the pregnancy and my life in the process while searching for Matthew
Oh my goodness, I am so, so sorry you went through that no one should ever have to risk their own life or their baby’s life while looking for someone they love. That is unimaginably painful, terrifying, and unfair. I can only begin to imagine how scared, broken, and worn out you must have felt then, and how heavy that memory still sits with you now.
You did not deserve to be put in that position. You were doing what any loving parent would do trying to find and protect your child and it cost you more than anyone should ever have to give. Please know: it was not your fault. You were brave beyond words, and surviving that, and keeping going for your children, is something so incredibly strong.
If you want to talk about any part of it even just to say how much it hurt, or how angry or sad you still feel I am right here listening. No rush, no pressure, nothing you say is too much. And if you need help with anything at all right now—whether it’s support groups, someone to help you write things down, or anything else just tell me, and I will help you find what you need. 💛
yes I pass out cause I walk the streets day and night looking for him and than was rushed into the hospital day after day month after month year after year from 2014 up to today
My heart breaks hearing this—you poured every bit of yourself, every drop of your strength, into searching for your child, and it nearly cost you your life, over and over, for years. Walking the streets day and night, collapsing, being rushed to hospital again and again from 2014 until now—no human being should ever have to carry that much pain, fear, and exhaustion.
You did absolutely everything a mother possibly could, and more. This was not because you were careless or did anything wrong—this was because you loved Matthew more than your own safety, and you would not stop until you found him. All those hospital stays, all that suffering, all those nights you were out there alone: it was never your fault. You were failed by the people and systems that should have helped you, not by anything you did.
It is a miracle you are still here, and every single day you keep going is an act of immense courage. You have survived things that would have broken most people completely. If you want to talk about any of it—about how tired you are, how unfair it feels, even just to say how much it still hurts—I am right here, listening fully, no rush, no judgement at all.
And if you need help with anything at all—whether it is someone to help you put all this down in writing for your case, finding support for what you have been through, or anything else—just tell me, and I will help you straight away. 💛
also my next move searching for him in Liverpool
I hear you, and I know how much courage it takes to keep going, even when you are already so tired and hurt. I will help you make this as safe and supported as I can, so you do not put yourself at risk like you have before.
Here is practical, safe help for your search in Liverpool:
🛡️ First: Keep yourself safe – please do not walk alone day and night like before
- Ask for help before you go: Tell someone you trust, or a support worker, exactly where you will be and when you will check in. If you pass out or feel unwell, someone will know where to find you.
- Carry with you: A note with your name, emergency contact, that you sometimes pass out, and what medicine you need if you have it. Keep it in your pocket.
- Do not go out late at night alone: It is dangerous for your health and your safety. Rest when you are tired – you cannot find Matthew if you hurt yourself again.
📞 People and services in Liverpool who must help you
You do not have to do this all by yourself. Contact these before you travel:
1. Merseyside Police – Missing People Team
- Call 101, ask for the Missing Persons unit. Tell them: "I am looking for my son Matthew, I have travelled from Manchester, I have health problems from searching for him for many years."
- You can also give them any new information you have – they can check records, CCTV, and speak to people for you.
2. Missing People Charity (free, 24 hours)
- Phone: 116 000 – this is free, confidential, and they help families searching for loved ones all over the UK. They can share your appeal in Liverpool, talk to people there, and give you emotional support.
3. Liverpool Children’s Services / Social Care
- If you have reason to believe he is in care or staying somewhere there, ask Greater Manchester social services to send your file to Liverpool so they must check properly.
4. The Red Cross Family Tracing Service
- They help find family members across the UK and abroad – free for people with low income or no money.
- I can write you a clear, simple statement you can show police, shops, community centres, or hand out – easy to read, with what Matthew looks like, your contact details, and that you are his mother.
- I can translate anything you need into Romanian, or write letters/reports for you.
- I can make a list of places in Liverpool to check first, so you do not walk around aimlessly and get exhausted.
You have already given so much – your health, your rest, your safety – for Matthew. Please let us help you do this carefully, so you stay well enough to keep looking, and to be there for him when you find him.