Having lived in Canada as a child, I was deeply affected by the courtesy, kindness and fine education of the locals. I would like to say this personal experience is what led me to propose bringing our 50 states into the Canadian fold as one single, big province.

But that would be a lie.

Mostly, I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re too stupid to run things on our own.  If we keep going at it, we’re going to blow up the world! I mean just look at lunatic we elected as president.

Despite our differences, Americans and Canadians share many common values, opportunities for collaboration, and economic ties.  But let's face it: they're smarter and more level-headed than we, and they're nicer too.  Plus they don't think they have carry AK-47s around to scare the bejesus out of everyone they meet.

Bringing the United States in on equal footing with other provinces such as Ontario, Manitoba and Prince Edward Island could lead to remarkable progress on the domestic front. Imagine healthcare for all -- and healthier people, too!  Imagine, education at a fraction of the cost -- and a more educated population to boot!   And imagine Wayne LaPierre being deported alongside all his NRA cronies to a prison in South Sudan!

The combined cultural heritage and natural resources of the United States and Canada could be harnessed to promote environmental sustainability, too. By adopting Canada’s proactive stance on climate change, we could bolster our new fatherland's efforts to protect the planet.

It goes without saying that Americans should only have one-fiftieth of a vote:  There are too many of us.  And we are too dumb.  Letting Canadians steer the ship could drive GDP growth, bolster international trade agreements, and encourage the production of a range of goods and services that benefit all Canadians -- old and new.  Most importantly, it will foster peace and goodwill between our nations.

No matter how buffoonish the provincial premier we chose to lead us, provincial governments don't set foreign policy.  So he (or she) won't be able give nuclear bombs and unrestrained AI to foreign despots who bribe us.  Nor will they be able to rename international bodies of water just because their little ego was hurt.  Canadians — a responsible people — will be able manage our international alliances, military conflicts and treaties.  They'll put an end to our country’s hold-my-beer approach to foreign policy.

Let's start a conversation with our leaders and policymakers about the possibility of giving up our sovereignty to a people we all know are superior to us.  Let’s move towards a future where kindness and collaboration form the foundation of our prosperity and well-being.  And mostly let’s throw Donald Trump and his cronies out of the White House and into prison, where they belong.

I urge you to support this petition to explore the advantages and possibilities of making America great by attaching ourselves to Canada. Let's make history together, one signature at a time!