Tomorrow we have a birthday, with one member of our family very keen to celebrate what it means to be four. Her birthday also marks 800 days our story has gone on – over half her life kept apart from her parents. It is the third of her four birthdays spent apart – Nazanin in prison, me here, her raised by her grandparents. My memory of Gabriella’s first birthday is of all the family crowded into our front room, her flushed cheeks and confused smiles, and her parents proud, and thankful she had grown so big. Her second birthday was full of shock. Nazanin not long taken had been promised release since there was nothing in her case, and had been taken from prison. Instead she was transferred to solitary in Evin. Our party in front of the Iranian Embassy was while she had disappeared, in protest. Her grandparents gave Gabriella a party – she was full of delight at the happy cake. By Gabriella’s third birthday, she had clear ambitions, was very pleased with her scooter. We thought we were almost there, only months from early release. The birthday celebration was a reaffirmation it would soon be ok - Nazanin wrote Gabriella a letter, and was allowed to make her a cake to eat at home (it was Ramadan): https://www.change.org/p/free-nazanin-ratcliffe/u/20588492 And now here we are again – with a fourth candle of separation. This birthday comes alongside more twists from Iran – a new invented court case for us alongside new promises of release, new British Iranians taken, and years added to other people’s sentences. It continues to be a rabbit hole, and a marathon of moods. That fourth candle has taken on a different character. For Nazanin these past weeks Gabriella’s birthday has become a beacon for Nazanin, a focus of fervent prayers – not to spend another birthday away, and a seesaw of hope and fear - of again letting her down. This year Nazanin did not prepare to mark the birthday in prison, did not ask permission to make a cake, or have presents at a visit. She was not able to write Gabriella a birthday letter. Tears not words came whenever she tried. Instead she made her a birthday dress. It sits in the cell waiting. This week she reminded me of four years ago – gazing at our most gorgeous child, eating watermelon with her in our arms, the first baby baths. Nazanin says she lives these days in nostalgia, as time sloths on. “Will we ever experience that again?” she asked, “It was too good to be mine. I wonder if I wasn’t meant to deserve motherhood. Otherwise why am I here?” Gabriella has no such questions. At four, she has had birthday plans. A few weeks back, she challenged her mum’s hopes of going to London for her birthday. Nazanin promised she wouldn’t miss out on a party at the nursery, with cake and friends. She also decided she wanted a celebration at her grandparents, with her mum and dad invited. At the last prison visit, she reminded Nazanin repeatedly: you promise you will come. As she stood on the stairs waving her goodbyes, making a heart with her hands, she repeated the request to the room. Nazanin promised to try. She also wrote a letter to both Foreign Ministers (at the Ministry’s suggestion) requesting a birthday release. She copied out the letters of her name, and drew a picture of Nazanin receiving flowers - what people are given when released, she explained. A birthday release is not yet impossible - last week even Judge Salavati approved it - but it would be a turning point. For me, the birthday has become a moment of truth. After the encouragements to make numerous urgent applications, and repeatedly standing in queues, told to come back again, after the Judge, Prosecutor and Prison Head all approved, if furlough doesn’t happen, but instead an invented new court, there is a truth to accept. There is humanitarian care, and there is political narcissism. At some point we may need to accept a different vocabulary for Nazanin’s status, and acknowledge the H-word. Before we get there, I have two requests: First, to mark Gabriella’s birthday, we will be lighting fourth candles in front of the Foreign Office (not Downing St) on Monday June 11 – 800 of them. We will be there from 17.30, with cake. Gabriella is right: it is good to celebrate all the birthdays you get. Our birthday candles are a chance to celebrate our clever cheeky growing daughter, and remind her she is the light of our world. For those outside of London, we wondered if you might be willing to light a fourth candle this week at home – for Gabriella, for Nazanin, and also for those other British Iranians recently taken from their families. And post a picture on social media with the #4thcandle hashtag. Amongst our unreliable parental promises it is also a present for a small girl – the confidence that the world remains a bright place. Second, last week we ran a marathon, as family and friends. We carried around some of the stones painted for Nazanin on mother’s day to raise money for those charities that have supported us over this long run. If anyone is able to help us make our target, the link is here: https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/runningfornazanin