Firstly, I want to say a huge thank you to this survivor for trusting me with their story. Every story shared through this campaign reminds us that domestic abuse does not discriminate. Victims come from every background, and every survivor deserves to be heard, believed and protected.

This story is shared anonymously.

“I was in a relationship with my ex-partner for two years. At first, he was kind—the perfect man. He didn’t have a bad past like me. I’d been to prison for violent offences and spent a long time inside for GBH. He felt like the lifeline I’d always needed, something different to what I was used to. Somebody nice.

But things changed quickly. The control started subtly before becoming my everyday reality. He controlled what I ate, what I wore, what I bought and where I went. I wasn’t allowed to see my friends. The emotional abuse got worse and eventually became physical.

He must have assaulted me hundreds of times before I finally called the police. When I did, they believed him over me. He showed them angry and aggressive messages I’d sent, but what they didn’t know was that he controlled my phone and had deleted everything that showed what he had been doing to me. They believed him. After all, I was the one with the serious criminal record.

After that, I stopped reporting him because I felt there was no point. Then one day he nearly killed me. He strangled me until I lost consciousness and I woke up in hospital. Only then did the police listen.

He was eventually convicted and sentenced… but was released just months later under an early release scheme.

When he got out, the abuse started all over again. He stalked me, set my car on fire and continued to make my life a living nightmare. I couldn’t prove he was responsible for the fire, but he was sent back to prison for harassment.

Again, he was released early. This time there were no exclusion zones—just a condition not to contact me. So instead, he would wait outside my workplace, outside shops I was in and appear wherever I happened to be. He wasn’t speaking to me, so technically he wasn’t breaching his licence. But he was making sure I knew he was there.

Just one month later, he broke into my home and attacked me again.

He was sent back to prison… and now he’s eligible for early release again.

I have no faith in the justice system anymore. I feel heartbroken for the people who have nobody because I know I was one of the lucky ones—I had a good support network that helped me rebuild my life. So many victims don’t have that.

But I still live in fear because I know he’s getting out again.

I hope this time they’ll take his licence conditions more seriously, but I don’t let myself hope anymore. The justice system has let me down time and time again.

I can’t even move away and start again because my criminal record limits the housing options available to me. I feel like he’ll always have control over my life because I’ll never truly get away from him.

Restraining orders and licence conditions aren’t enough. We need changed behaviour before repeat violent offenders are released back into our communities.”

This survivor’s story highlights another issue that isn’t spoken about enough.

Too often, victims feel that their own past is put on trial.

Whether it’s a criminal record, addiction, mental health struggles or mistakes they’ve made in life, many survivors feel their history is used to question their credibility rather than focusing on the actions of the perpetrator.

A person’s past may be relevant in some legal contexts, but it should never be used to suggest they deserved abuse or that abuse somehow matters less.

Having a criminal record does not give someone permission to assault you.

Having struggled with addiction does not give someone permission to control you.

Living with mental illness does not give someone permission to terrorise you.

Nothing condones domestic abuse. Nothing.

Many perpetrators deliberately target people they know are vulnerable because they believe they are less likely to be believed. Some victims never report the abuse at all because they fear that who they were yesterday will outweigh what is happening to them today.

Justice should focus on the evidence of abuse, while recognising that survivors, like everyone else, can have complicated lives and pasts. No victim should feel that previous mistakes cancel out their right to protection.

To this survivor—thank you.

Your courage in sharing your experience reminds us that domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of their background. Your story will help others realise they are not alone, and it strengthens the message behind this campaign:

Victims don’t need to be perfect to deserve justice.

💜 Beyond the Sentence UK 💜

Protecting Victims. Reforming Justice. Breaking the Cycle.