Yesterday was very rough! I was missing my baby bad. After waking up with the little hug from the womb, I was confronted with someone saying “You’re stuck in your trauma”. Then while at church as I was walking towards my husband and oldest daughter (Eden 2-years old), she saw me from across the aisle and ran to me with all of her might to give me a hug. Immediately, the thought came to me that my little Angel would do that same thing once we meet again in heaven. After I live a long and purposeful life and move to heaven, the first thing I would do is find her. Once we saw each other we would run into each other’s arms and instead of tears, sadness, and longing for each other, we would be happy, joyful, and laughing. It took everything inside of me to not burst out with tears in front of everyone at church! When I got home I cried myself to exhaustion and went to sleep. I woke up and my knees felt weak and trembling.
But “I’m stuck in my trauma”, “I don’t want to move on”, “I need to stop talking about it at work”, “I need to stop sharing my pain to the world”, and “I need to be strong” they said.
I found out on February 11, 2022. I had labor and delivery February 25-27, 2022. I went back to work for two days February 28 and March 1. I had to take a leave of absence from with. I’m still crying, my uterus is still contracting to get back to the normal size, I’m still having outbursts of cries, I’m still having fog mind. But go back to work and pretend none of it happened! This is what society is telling all of us who has experienced this loss. Go back to life as normal! Function like normal! You’re strong, you can do it! That’s called gaslighting!!! And it has to STOP
Oxford dictionary
verb: gas-light
manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.
If I can’t bounce back right away, something must be wrong with me. Other women have gone through it and they’re strong, why can’t I be? If I’m a strong person, I would be able to go back to work. These are questions that women who have experienced loss in the womb are internally asking them self because society JUST wants us to MOVE ON.
I stand with you sisters. I believe the Lord is healing this deep hurt. I believe the Lord is seeing every tear. I believed the Lord is providing comfort. I also believe we need some time and space to process and to heal. And that is okay! I validate and normalize that process with everyone who needs it now and moving forward.
Please stand with me and continue to share. The battle is not ours but the Lord’s. Overnight while I was sleeping, we went from 502 supporters to 834 supporters and growing by the second. That tells me two things and I didn’t even need my Masters in Social Work degree to figure it out ☺️
1. People believe in women getting time off after their loss.
2. It is an important problem they want to solve.
Please continue to fight this HUGH fight with me in the US and around the world. I received a message this morning from The Miscarriage Association, from the UK below:
“We are aware that a debate took place in Parliament this week regarding paid leave after miscarriage and we hope that some change will come as a result of that. However, we do understand how frustrating the wait for change to come can be. You are most welcome to post the petition you have as a visitor post on our page.”
WOW!!!! We alright have world-wide support. This would not be happening if this was a “May-movement” no this is a “God-movement”. Reaching out to Legislators this week! Please pray for me and my strength to move is forward
Continue to stand with me in this fight. Please continue to reach out to just one person today. Because of you all we’re almost at 1000 and it hasn’t even been one week!!!
God bless you all,
May