Petition to Ban Duhan van der Merwe from future Scotland vs England Rugby Matches

The International Rugby Board

We, the undersigned, solemnly declare that Duhan van der Merwe should be banned from participating in future Scotland vs England rugby matches in the Six Nations Championships.

Here's why:

He keeps stealing the spotlight with his majestic tries, making the rest of us look bad. It's unfair!
His mere presence on the field intimidates the English team to the point of distraction. We need a fair fight!

His celebratory dance moves are causing envy among other players, leading to a decline in post-match camaraderie. Think of the dancefloor casualties!

Rumor has it that his pre-game snack consists of haggis-infused protein shakes, giving him an unfair advantage. It's time for a level playing field, literally!

The Scottish fans need a break from constantly cheering for his incredible performances. Let them catch their breath!

In conclusion, banning Duhan van der Merwe from Scotland vs. England rugby matches will ensure fairness, restore balance to the game, and give everyone else a chance to shine (or at least not be overshadowed by his brilliance). Sign below if you agree!