Dear Against Me!,
We understand that you are currently without a drummer. We also understand that certain pressures occur within a band, which sometimes leads to the departure of members. While, we are sure that AM! is moving forward towards exciting and challenging new musical directions, the drummer is both the backbone and the sinews of a band. Thus, without a competent drummer, a band may lack a certain je ne se quoi, no matter how strong its brain and heart may be. Therefore, we would like to issue this enthusiastic and hearty recommendation that you select Mikey Erg as your newest drummer.
Mr. Erg is qualified for multiple reasons:
1)Competence- Certainly, AM! has many different styles and sounds within its avoirdupois. Likewise, Mr. Erg has any number of styles which he employs should the occasion request. He has drummed for notable pop punks The Ergs, he has drummed for modern crust legends Star Fucking Hipsters, he has drummed for the so called "org-core" of the Slow Death, and has even drummed for his own thrash metal project, Fucifer.
2)Taste- A great drummer is not necessarily a "good" drummer. John Bonham may be a legend behind the kit, but place him along side Leonard Cohen and the septuagenerian's depth of feeling is soon made shallow by showboating and crude boom-baps. By contrast, Mr. Erg has the skill, sense, and style to fit his drumming within the needs of a song, propelling it or reigning it as necessary, but never over powering the music up front. Such skill is rare and musicians with such talent can be counted on one hand with room left for a tasteful ring. The list is short, but sinfully sweet: Charlie Watts, Sly Dunbar, Gene Krupa, Mikey Erg.
3)Loyalty- Often, when a new member is introduced to a band, sycophantic journalists will compliment the new guy in hopes to "dig up the dirt" of the more established members. Indeed, Mr. Erg himself was confronted with such a Trojan Horse when he became a member of the aforementioned SFH. As this video clearly shows, Mr. Erg fended off dirt seeking questions with grace, honesty, and class, all without tendering any harmful information about his fellow musicians. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRnxtdwuTOo&t=5m33s )
4)Style- Certainly, AM! is a good looking band and issues a certain flair to the audience through its clothing choices. Without question, a band needs a drummer that can add to the group's collective clothing oeuvre, simultaneously not stealing the spotlight nor being the "Ringo" of the group, if you will. (Let us not forget that even Crass "had a look.") Mr. Erg has an excellent fashion sense. He often wears tasteful, but noticeable thick rimmed glasses. His complexion is thus highlighted by his modern, but simple "Caesar cut" as well as his nouveau-punk black t-shirt and simple jeans. Surely, such a look would fit nicely on a two page spread, placed tastefully between the bassist and guitarist, some four feet removed from the spotlight.
As you can see, Mr. Erg is a top notch candidate for your current drumming position. He receives our full endorsement and we formally request that you select him as your new drummer.
[Note: Punknews.org has no connection, affiliation, or personal contact with Mikey Erg or any of his agents. We are simply just fans of the man. But, like, this one time, my grandma was trapped under a car and he totally came over and was like "Don't worry young man!" And he, like, totally lifted the car over his head, freeing my grandma.]