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Mr. Trash Wheel Needs a Promotion

This petition made change with 131 supporters!


Mr. Trash Wheel, currently the most senior in a line of trash wheels serving Baltimore, MD, including Professor Trash Wheel and the forthcoming Captain Trash Wheel, deserves proper recognition for his distinguished service. He has been hard at work cleaning up Baltimore's Inner Harbor, seldom leaving his station at the Jones Falls River's mouth, and has become a familiar sight to Baltimoreans and visitors alike. However, despite notably achieving highly in the enterprise by removing one million pounds of trash before Professor Trash Wheel even arrived in Canton, he is consistently outranked by his peers who are now entering the workforce with years less practical experience!

Baltimore resident Jabbadarth, upon hearing news that the newest Trash Wheel is to enter service with the highly regarded rank of Captain, responded with shock, saying, "Personally I am offended by the jump in rank of these new Trash wheels. Mr Trash wheel has been eating up garbage for years and he gets looked over for his dissertation for some upstart lady trash wheel who gets her phd in trash eating and now he gets looked over for his trash captains license. What is going on here. Has Mr. Trash wheel not proven himself worthy of a promotion, or a degree?"

Another local, charleshb417, speculated on the recent announcement: "Mr. Trash Wheel unfortunately lacks the proper Environmental Engineering degree that the young millennial trash wheels are graduating with."

Alas, while Mr. Trash Wheel sits as the lowest-ranked, despite seniority, among the named Batlimore Trash Wheels, reading his list of achievements one could be forgiven for assuming he held a higher station, as a pioneer and expert among his peers. Among those achievements, some of the more impressive are:

Mr Trash Wheel stands above his peers in his diligence and successes, but in one way has been denied the recognition he deserves. To help the Waterfront Partnership or other parties responsible for his title, we would like to suggest the following possible titles for consideration. They have been chosen to avoid confusion for changing his identity too much, and alternatives are welcome.

  • The Illustrious Mr. Trash Wheel
  • Mr. Trash Wheel, Esquire
  • Mr. Trash Wheel The Great


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