PREAMBLE

WHEREAS, a wealth of scientific and domestic data indicates that personal, household, and familial morale drops significantly when Uncle Tonio remains absent for periods exceeding 30 calendar days (7 days if we're being honest);

WHEREAS, stories, inside jokes, adventures, and general entertainment quotas are currently operating at a severe deficit;

WHEREAS, the family couch, Moss Grotto, local dining establishments, parks, and events all stand by ready to receive him;

NOW, THEREFORE, the undersigned parties demand the immediate ratification of the following terms:

The Monthly Mandate: The subject known as Uncle Tonio shall make physical, in-person landfall at the residence not less than once per thirty (30) consecutive calendar days. Any additional visits will be acceptable and appreciated. However, multiple visits within a 30-day timeline will not grant Uncle Tonio the right to stretch out future visit plans.

The Holiday Mandate: The subject known as Uncle Tonio shall make a physical, in-person appearance at the Walters' residence not less than four (4) business-recognized holidays. Any long weekends are also strongly encouraged. Overlapping holidays or long weekends also count towards the Monthly Mandate (described above).

The Birthday Mandate: The subject known as Uncle Tonio must be present at a minimum of two (2) birthdays per year, whether that be his, a kiddo's, or one of the adult's is up to his own discretion. Gifts other than his presence are not required.

The Anniversary Mandate: Uncle Tonio must make a genuine attempt to be present for the anniversary of the event (that must not be named). If unable to make it, he must agree to at least one (1) hunt on the Monster Hunter of his choosing.

Standard of Service: Visits must consist of substantive hangouts, genuine laughter, proper conversation, participation in family meals, and zero Irish exits before a minimum threshold of eight (8) hours.

Acceptable Excuses Clause: Absence beyond the 30-day window shall be excused solely under conditions of verifiable alien abduction or active jury duty in international waters. Busy schedules, insufficient funds (we will step in as financial backers when necessary), coworker's  birthday parties, and "being tired" have been retroactively repealed.

Host Compensation: In exchange for compliance, the residence agrees to provide preferred or requested food & beverages, premier seating, comfortable lodging and amenities, ample playtime with the kiddos, 2nd player position in games, fun projects & activities, and first priority on dinner plates.