Me1-1, being a family-man's-family-man, clearly agrees with his/their wife and does not want to play himself at snooker.

We are not suggesting he plays purposefully badly in an attempt to bring the world of self-playing snooker to an end, but he does play purposefully badly and obviously does want the world of self-playing snooker to come to an end.

Allowing him onto the snooker board was a terrible decision by the Self-Playing Snooker Board, and the President, Me79, should resign.

An investigation must be instigated by a leading Me investigator, publishing a report as soon as possible on the handling of this entire decision, and the suggestions made by many that the game of self-playing snooker is being sabotaged from within by me's known and unknown.

Something had to be done about the appalling behaviour of Me2, whether on Lemsip or not, but the lifetime ban handed out, and the demands placed on the sanity of Me1 by insisting he split into separate facets of his personality when his personality is already so narrow and boring, was too much.

The obvious solution was to ban racist-doing-the-talking Me2-2 from the game, but allow snooker-doing-the-non-racist-talking Me2-1 to play on.

That, or put a Shrek in it.