Petition update

BREAKING NEWS

Ric G
Ferndale, MI, United States

Jun 27, 2021 — 

According to anonymous sources Jeff Bezos plans to use little grannies who can't afford their insulin and children with school lunch debt as an alternative source for rocket fuel. Bezos team of scientists say they've found a way to harness the pain and hunger to exponentially increase thrust capability and propel the ship faster into space. Additionally, we're told this new energy source will be integral in the successful execution of the newly planned "barrel roll maneuver" as they enter the stratosphere.

Sources maintain they're currently just asking for volunteers from the pool of millions of qualified candidates. Bezos is confident this new energy source will be able to fuel thousands of future commercial space flights. He promises to carve monument to salute the millions of American volunteers in Martian space rock by 2025. Bezos claims fuel shortages will be avoided as more countries switch to a similar vulture capitalist healthcare and economic system. 


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