Help bring my baby melvin home where he belongs...and help keep my baby im carrying

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Let’s get to 1,000! name is brooke..i dont really do these things im a very private person..but im stuck and dont no where to turn and this has really turned my life upside down..anyone who will listen is a help to me.... i dont really no where to start..but here goes...i wouldnt say i had a very good childhood...i never really connected with people how i could have..always kind of wanted to just have one friend at a time and find it hard to trust people due to some horrific things that happen to me from a very young of the things that stood out was a gang rape that took my verginity...that made me find it hard to trust people all together and close myself away a bit..but i met a man who i trusted but he controlled me very much..i could only wear friends and even stopped me seeing my famiy,and that hurt..but i clung on to him because it was one man who i believed loved me...i fell pregnant at 15 and my first born child was born 11.5.07.. wow that feeling..i was holding my baby...i remember looking at my mother on his birth and saying " a mummy" i had to grow up very fast..but he was worth it..he was my whole parents doted on him and he was very well kept and loved..i was my fathers only child so giving him a grandchild i could see melted his heart..i was young..but i done it..i realised my sons dad didnt love me..he was cheating the whole time and just wanted a girlfriend at home to cook and clean and no im all his..i finelly got the strenth to leave him with the help of my mum...but when i was 19 my life took a bad best hero...he called me on the phone and he didnt sound like his normal happy loud self...the phone call seemed to be so quick but so long at the same father hung himself while he was on the phone to broke my heart..i dropped my phone..i was screaming and crying and i didnt no what to father was dead by the time i got to his flat in woodford...and he was brought out and laid in front of me in a body bag ..i cried and cried and didnt want it to b real...i didnt want to let go!! because i was the last person to speak to him i was taken to court where i was questioned about the convo we had and i was handed photos of him hanging...i began having really bad nightmares...felt alone and scared and i began feeling very anrgry and upset..some days i found it hard to even get out of bed...i was very low and depressed...i asked my sons dad to help out with our son..i just needed a couple of weeks because i new my son sholdnt see me crying all the time..he wouldnt help tho..not unless i signed my son over to him..but with promises it was only be temporary and i would still have my son every weekend...i agreed on them term's because i wanted my son to have the best...and i new as controlling as his dad was to me..he was a good dad and also loved our child very son went to live with his dad and honestly i found each day a struggle..i sunk more and more into mixed emotions of sadness and anger...i ended up having a fight which ended up resulting in me going to prison in son was coming to see me in prison and thats when it hit me..i need to change..i dont want this life anymore i need to b a mummy again...being a mum was all i was ever good at and now im failing at that...i got councling in prison and i did change my life..i came out in 2013 a new person...i began seeing my son more and went to court and won 50 50 rights for him...we was always so close..just like me and my dad..he was my only my intire world...being away from him killed me...i stopped involving myself with people i new would influence me..i started a new job..went to collage to do was going well...i had small relationships after his dad..noting big tho...i was happy my son being the man of my life..then in 2016..i met a man..and things moved quit started off as a bit of fun tbh nothing too serious..and i fell pregnant 2016 i gave birth to my second melvin..he was just perfect...i had that same feeling bk..i lost that empty feeling i had and i felt complete again..pure love and all mine..i was in basildon hospital for 5 days..i kept asking when i could take my bundle of joy home..i could not wait...i had a second chance and this time i was going to make it perfect eldest son was excited to meet his baby life started to feel like i was getting somewhere...but when melvin was 5 days old my life feel apart servises come into the hospital..and with no emotion told me they was taking my baby away...i needed to say goodbye as quickly as possible...i was holding him and sobbing i couldnt stop..i just didnt want to let go i didnt understand what was going on as i had no warning and was under the empression he was coming home..i had everything set for his arrivle servises told me to hurry up as time was getting on after 10 mins..and in a flick of a finger he was taken beautiful blue eyed mummys boy...he was with foster parents...i was seeing him twice a week in a contact center...them days i dotted on...holding him..smelling him..kissing him his  little hand wrapped round mine...i promised him i would fix it...he recognised my voice everytime and in every contact it was noted that he knows his mummy and clearly the love is very deep and strong...he would look round the room for me when i called his name and when i left him he would look for me...he then moved to another foster thurrock..and i was going to another contact center in grays..i went to court to fight and try bring my baby home...theres was lies made about me..saying my baby was born needed to b weaned off drugs which was a lie and confirmed by midwifes in the hospital that he was born perfectly normal and nothing to do with drugs was in anyones system and he was healthy and happy and i done a good job in the hospital servises was trying to provoke me by ringing me reminding me they want to get my baby taken but not answering anything i asked them...we went to court..i had letters as refrences from many people trying to exsplain how i have changed for the better and i need my letters was not given to the judge...i went for assesment after assesment...all assesments come bk claiming i may need some councling but  can definitely be a mother..but..the judge desided my son should b addopted untill i have undertaken trauma councling for what happened with my not loud or happy lost and dont no where to turn...if i show passion im told im aggresive..if i cry im told i need currently undertaking the help the judge has has said i needed and more im trying to appeal but my solisitor is saying they need proof of 6 months to a years then my child wil b adopted then im alloud no contact untill his 18...this has honestly broken me...i still see him atm only once a month now but at least i have that day to see his beautiful face...every contact report has been possitive and states how close we are and how im naturally good with all his needs and my love for him shows deeply...i was even sent on corses where i was the onky one there without my child and was given homework to do with my child knowing i couldnt as he wasnt in my care..but i didnt miss a session even if it broke me everytime ...i fell into the arms of someone who seemed to understand...and i recently found out i am now 15 weeks ...i have had 5 scares due to bleeding so stressed out..scared...dont no what to do...please help me...any support is something...i couldnt cope losing another doing everything they have asked...the  system seems so emotionless...i just want to be a mummy...i dont go out...i dont drink...i dont take drugs..i been on courses i didnt even need...i have not been offered a mother and baby unit...i was not  once warned...i feel the system is against me everyone who knows me is so shocked and children are my life...i need son knows who i am..he cuddles me close...and kisses me..every time i leave him im scared i wont see him again..i promised him i woud fix it and im trying i really really am! Please help me bring baby melvin home where he belongs..his growing so fast and im missing it all..i have never bathed him...never taken him for a walk..his never met his big brother...we all love him so much...we need him ��