With The Golden Globe Awards presented today in a typically glittering ceremony, FilmInk felt that the time was right to point out the absurdity inherent in one of the strangest traditions of the movie awards season: the goodie bag. For those not in the know, at most of the highly publicised gong shows (The Screen Actors Guild Awards, The BAFTAS, The Directors’ Guild Awards etc) set to roll out over the next few months, the night’s nominees and presenters will be presented with insanely generous gift bags full of expensive treats. You heard correctly: multimillionaire actors and filmmakers get the further benefits of receiving loads of good stuff gratis.

The inherent irony of this is perfectly summed up in one of the episodes of Jim Jarmusch’s superb 2003 portmanteau film, Coffee And Cigarettes, in which Cate Blanchett takes on dual roles as wealthy movie star, Cate, and her rough-around-the-edges cousin, Shelly, who “enjoy” a brief, awkward exchange in a hotel lobby. As a fob-off, the snooty Cate gives Shelly some goodies that she got for free. “It’s just…funny, don’t yah think, that when you can’t afford something, it’s like, really expensive, but then when you can afford it, it’s like, free?” Shelly asks, crystallising one of the many cock-eyed injustices of the fame game. “It’s kinda backwards, don’t yah think?” The jaded and world weary Cate has an unsurprising and seemingly inevitable response. “Yeah, well,” she sighs. “The world is a bit like that, I guess, in a lot of ways.”

But does it have to be? Many Hollywood celebrities enjoy lecturing us about issues like climate change, marriage equality, and various world crises – which is fine by us, as celebrities have just as much right to comment on issues as anybody else – but perhaps they could help to make a change in an even simpler and more direct way…starting with their awards season goodie bags.

At last year’s Oscars, the award nominees received a goodie bag valued at US$232,000…that’s right, US$232,000! Though not gifted by the actual body that awards the Oscars, The Academy Of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences (they stopped officially giving out gifts in 2006 due to scrutiny from The Internal Revenue Service over the high value of the goods), these bags are still very much a part of the whole Oscars shebang. The 2016 goodie bag at The Academy Awards was created and presented by a company called Distinctive Assets, and included sweet freebies like vouchers for plastic surgery (!), fitness sessions and car rentals, as well as crockery, make-up, jewellery, and, whoa, personalised M&Ms! There were also holiday packages worth thousands to Italy and Japan, as well as a couple of protein bars, chapstick, and flashy toilet paper (!), amongst other assorted bits and pieces.

The Academy itself was not overjoyed with the contents of said goodie bags (they even launched a lawsuit against Distinctive Assets for infringement of copyright), but that’s beside the point…the nominees still received them. And we reckon that most of the award nominees at the Oscars (and the various other awards ceremonies that lead up to The Academy Awards) could afford to donate them to charity. While many Hollywood celebrities probably do quietly hand over their freebie bags to various organisations for a good cause (“My [now ex] wife said, ‘Just take the free stuff and we can donate it to charities at home,’” Aussie actor, Guy Pearce, said many years ago. “She works at a women’s refuge. It’s a great idea”), we’d like to see them go public. We’re sure that most charities could grind a lot of dollars out of, say, a 3-night stay at The Grand Hotel Tremezzo in Lake Como, Italy (valued at $5,000) or a 3-day stay at The Golden Door Resort & Spa in San Marcos, CA (worth a spiffy $4,800). Yes, both were included in the goodie bag at The Oscars last year. Luxury trips like that could make for a very tidy prize at a raffle, for instance…it’s certainly more enticing than a meat tray.

While being socially conscious and giving to charity is seemingly important to many Hollywood celebrities (“I have to go to a meeting where I will apparently sit around a table and a bunch of people who represent a bunch of different charities will tell me what to do,” Jennifer Lawrence surprisingly revealed to FilmInk in 2014), we’re asking them to go one step further by donating the various goodie bags that they receive during awards season to charity. Hell, they could even further highlight their chosen charities by tweeting about who they’re giving their swag to. Even better, the Hollywood nominees could post a photo of themselves holding up their goodie bag, along with a tweet telling everybody to which charity it’s going.

Already ridiculously wealthy celebrities (many of whom receive upwards of $10 million per film) receiving lots of free luxury items that they can already afford might just be part of a world that “is a bit like that”, but FilmInk believes that Hollywood’s power players are capable of better. They can create great art and provoke profound emotion, so how about giving up the goodies? After all, a breakthrough medical discovery was actually made last year thanks to the money raised by 2014’s famous ALS ice bucket challenge, so anything is possible. And this wouldn’t even require anyone to get wet. Let’s get it started.

#donateyourgoodiebags