I Am the Product of the System
I am the product of the system—
not because I failed,
but because it did.

I am a second-generation survivor
of domestic violence.
I lost my birth mother
when I was only months old.
That loss does not give anyone the right
to judge her,
to judge me,
or to rewrite our truth.

We were never drugs.
We were never alcohol.
We were victims.

I was born with a disability.
That does not give anyone permission
to use me,
to abuse me,
or to erase me.

Society judges us
for how we speak our trauma,
for when we speak it,
for the way truth finally breaks through.
They ask why we did not speak sooner,
why our voices shake,
why our stories are not neat or comfortable.

But trauma does not follow a script.
Truth does not arrive politely.
And survival is not measured
by how calm we appear.

We speak when we are able.
We speak because silence nearly destroyed us.
Telling the truth is not weakness—
it is resistance.

My abuser chose control over accountability.
He weaponized family court.
He misused a temporary restraining order
and a divorce filing,
built on lies and false accusations
written into declarations—
done in front of our children.

Legal paperwork became a weapon.
The system allowed it.

He made me homeless
while building a new life
with the woman he cheated on me with—
his coworker—
exposing our children to her immediately,
as if I were replaceable.

They now run a company together,
while I was left to rebuild from nothing.

It took me years to get back on my feet.
I secured Section 8 housing.
I found a job.
I survived.

But survival came at a cost.

My health has been affected
by years of mental and emotional manipulation,
by punishment disguised as “co-parenting.”

I am punished for asking for more time,
for more days,
for a real relationship with my children.
He threatens me in front of them,
saying he will go back to the court order
as a warning,
as control.

He believes two overnight visits a month
is enough
for a mother to have with her children.

I was never given a holiday schedule.
I was denied basic information.
I missed our child’s graduation
because I was intentionally kept in the dark.

This is not co-parenting.
This is coercive control.

Family court ignored the facts.
Child welfare failed to intervene.
Domestic-violence systems fragmented
when coordination was needed most.
Hotlines heard pain
but could not protect.

Immigration systems were also exploited—
when residency, green cards,
or citizenship gained through marriage
were used as leverage,
as punishment,
as protection for abuse.

Legal status should never be a weapon.
Abuse should never be rewarded.
Those who misuse systems
to harm victims and children
must be held accountable.

Systems must work together—
family court,
child welfare,
immigration,
and domestic-violence services—
to protect families,
not enable harm.

I know what it feels like
to have no one—
not the courts,
not the system,
not full access
to the children I gave birth to.

This is not just my story.
It is the story of countless survivors
and their children.

Let me be your voice.
Let me be your friend.

Let us cry together.
Let us pray together.
Let us stand as one.

Now let us change how family court treats survivors.
Let us change how family law attorneys operate
when power, money, and strategy
are valued over truth, safety, and children.

Family court must stop punishing victims
for speaking up.
Family law attorneys must stop enabling abuse
through silence, delay, and profit.

Courts must recognize coercive control.
Judges must question false declarations.
Attorneys must be held accountable
when they help weaponize restraining orders,
temporary filings, and custody proceedings.

Parents asking for time with their children
should not be threatened.
Mothers should not be erased.
Children should never be used as leverage.

Send survivors to the table.
Send us to Capitol Hill.
Let lived experience guide reform.

We come together as one voice
to change what is broken—
immigration,
child welfare,
family court,
domestic-violence systems,
and the hotlines meant to protect us.

We are not asking for sympathy.
We are demanding justice.

I am the product of the system—
and I am here to change it.