You'd think we would have said everything we could think to say by now.

But this moral seems to go unchecked pretty often; we'll try to make it quick.

It's never too late to start doing the right thing.

To err is human. No one is acting like that's not true. Everyone makes mistakes. God made us human, after all - now didn't he.

Here's Saint Dismas. 
"The penitent thief."

He's up on one of the crosses next to Jesus at Golgotha. And there's a third criminal up there mocking and abusing Jesus, saying, "If you're so good then why can't you save yourself and us too?" Dismas says, "Look buddy, you and me deserve to be up here because we actually did wrong, but this guy is an innocent." Jesus says, "I'll see you in Heaven, my friend."

A lot of people want to shift the onus back onto survivors to "forgive and move on," as if there is something further broken on the survivor's end when that isn't something they feel able to do - as if it is another failing on their part to not be strong enough to just let bygones be bygones with no hard feelings.

And out of self-preservation, a survivor getting to a point where they no longer hold onto any of the anger and confusion they've felt over things that have happened is healthy and healing. 

But fully, forgiveness is not a cycle that is able to be completed by survivors alone. 

Full forgiveness requires contrition from the offending party.
If you don't apologize, you can't be forgiven.

We know that's a horridly inconvenient and conservative viewpoint that "woke leftists" might try to "shout down" with their "cancel culture," but hear us out. (*Editor's note: This last sentence is a joke; Judge Adrian wrote a letter to our community saying we were trying to cancel him because we're too woke and he's a known conservative; if you have not had a chance to read that letter, please click on this link - it is a wild read and he even included an unofficial court document he never signed or had entered into the case officially.)

When survivors forgive the people who have wronged them because they have to move on and allow themselves to continue enjoying life beyond the trauma those who harmed them caused, that is forgiveness for the survivor's sake.

But ultimately, the only person you're in charge of is yourself.
And if you're the person who makes the mistake, the only true way that you are able to be forgiven is by recognizing and apologizing for your err. If someone else makes a mistake, that's their err, and forgiveness for their sake resides with them. 

The lesson of Saint Dismas is this: 

You can be caught in your wrong-doing,
you can even be in the middle of being literally crucified until you are dead, and if you are honest with your savior that you know you were wrong, that's your ticket to Heaven.

That's your salvation. 

It's not spending the rest of your life denying that you did anything wrong. It's not telling the person who was injured to just move on. It's not clinging onto falsehoods and praying that people around you won't see through your lies. 

It's being honest. 

So this message is first to survivors, to say, it's O.K. if you don't feel like you can forgive someone or something. Although it is often going to be very healthy to take a really wide sidestep around that trauma boulder that got dropped in your path, it isn't all up to you to lift that weight. It's not your responsibility and there is nothing wrong or broken with you if you don't feel like you can fully forgive, especially when someone won't acknowledge or apologize for their mistakes.

Secondly, to those who have made mistakes that have harmed others: There is only one thing that stands between a person and our respect, and that's honesty. We know people make mistakes. We all make mistakes. But trying to save yourself by pretending you didn't mess up is counter-productive. To be forgiven, you have to apologize - and the good news is, you can do it any time. 

Because the truth never changes!
And the truth will set you free.

#StandWithCammy

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P.S., Here's a Mark Twain quote, since as everyone knows, people in Quincy just love a good Mark Twain quote:

"Honor is a harder master than law."