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I just want a place for us to grieve Isa in peace and it is unethical and wrong to have allowed for his memorial to have been given a special placement and then have it taken a yr later.

Here is the story...

On august 10th 2023 my beloved son isa died the day before his sixteenth birthday at age fifteen. It was a devastating and traumatic loss. 
He was such a kind hearted and loving soul to all his friends. 

When he was a little boy , he was in a play about the history of portland and his role in that play was that he played the role of the original Lone fir tree  for which lone fir cemetery is named. He was always very proud of this and would tell people and take them to the cemetery as he got older.

 

 

 

 

Here is the plaque he wore around his neck in the play

 

 

 

 

After he died we asked if he could be memorialized at the base of the lone fir tree. 
After months of back-and-forth emails we were granted permission by the cemetery representative. It felt like such a blessing and balm on such a huge gaping wound of loss.  Initially , we had talked about having just a plaque. But eventually when I met with the representative in person at the cemetery, she granted me permission to include a small statue. 
After checking in repeatedly about everything that I would need to have in place prior to installing the statue, i eventually placed the memorial at the base of the tree, as agreed upon. Friends and family gathered, and we lovingly prayed over and consecrated the ground.

I was in a deep state of grief and acted in good faith based on what i was told and how to proceed

 

 

 

Months later, I received a phone call from the cemetery saying that they had made a mistake to have offered me the spot. And that it would have to be moved. I was crushed and devastated and felt it was unethical and immoral of them to have given permission and then tried to take it back after it had already been placed.  I told them I was not comfortable with them moving it. And they told me they would discuss the matter further, and that in the meantime, it could remain in place, and that they would contact me formally with an  agreement.

It remained in place for a year and I heard nothing from them. I went every week and brought flowers and prayed at the memorial at the base of the lone fir tree

 

 

These are a fraction of the weekly visits I photographed

 

As I approached the anniversary of my son's death, I noticed a plastic sign next to the memorial, saying that certain objects were not in compliance with the cemetery rules at that grave site. It said to please remove any plastic flowers or mementos from the gravesite , or they would get removed. Some of isa's friends had left little plastic toys which I removed and immediately shared with community the rules so that we would be in compliance.  

 

 

 

 

Less then Two weeks after the anniversary of his death, i arrived with flowers to find that his memorial had been completely removed without any formal contact or agreement as was promised. 
A friend of isa's grandfather who works within oregon metro system looked over the rules and saw that the cemetery actually does have the power to make exceptions...If granted with written approval by the director. He wrote the director and said "Since cemeteries are places that honor the dead in symbolic ways, it could be argued that sensitivity to memorialization is more important than literal adherence to specific rules, as long as others are not being harmed. I am not aware of harm being done as the matter stands, but since I merely get involved with policy, and not administration of these facilities, I will defer to your judgement." 

The mistake was on their part... not mine. 
I acted in good faith and believed what I was told by the representative of the cemetery at the time I was given permission. It's not appropriate at this point to move it or ask that it be moved. And yet they are insisting that I should move it to a different location. They claim they are trying to uphold the historical integrity of the cemetary.  But my son is a part of portland's living history. And it was already placed and allowed for over 1yr it remained peacefully well tended and without conplaint.  And in truth it is not harming anyone or anything. If anything , it adds beauty to the tree that otherwise goes highly unnoticed. 

The cemetery has the power and capacity to give permission for it to continue to be where it was already given permission to be and where it has been made sacred and holy and so special. It is not right to remove a dead child's memorial after permission has been granted and no harm is being created 
This is exactly where an exception can and should be made to honor the dead and grieving and sensitive nature of the situation

 

 

 

What is at stake: What's at stake is not simply the location of a memorlal, but the integrity of compassion, remembrance, and moral accountability. The placement beneath the tree causes no harm to the tree itself or to Portland's history, it's beautiful.  but moving it causes real harm to those who grieve. Isa's resting place was consecrated In good faith, under the cemetery's verbal approval. To ask a bereaved mother to move her child's memorial after that sacred act is a profound injustice. Restoring the memorlal to its rightful place with written approval would heal the wound caused by this removal and reaffirm Lone Fir's commitment to honoring the human stories that make it a place of history and heart. And it would be an act of taking responsibility for their own mistake rather than back peddling and justifying it

 Why now:

Now is the time to act because the decision about Isa's memorial is being finalized. An alternative placement nearby has been suggested, but this does not right the wrong that was done. It's not the gift that was given and feels like insult to injury to ask a bereaved parent to give back a gift that was given and that brought such tender healing.  Isa's mother and community has waited patlently for over a year for a compassionate resolution. Each day that passes without restoration deepens the grief of those who love him. We call on Lone Fir Cemetery's leadership to demonstrate empathy and întegrity by reinstating Isa's memorlal to the base of the original Lone Fir tree, where It was placed with love, prayer, and permission. Please stand with us in asking the cemetery to make this right - not just for Isa, but for every family who seeks dignity, honesty, and compassion in their moments of loss. ❤️ 

You can also write the director of metro cemeteries at this email.  Jon.Blasher@oregonmetro.gov

And urge him to return Isa's memorial

Also please leave a comment below if you can

Please use respectful language in any communications. But feel free to speak from the heart.