This is a situation where significant information about a project that affects us deeply has been progressing in the background without any awareness or input for months. By the time we heard about it, it's already near a stage where it seems irreversible, and that feels incredibly frustrating and overwhelming.

I felt blindsided, as if I've been left out of conversations that feel like they should have included all of us. The sense of loss of control is suffocating, especially since this issue has the potential to affect our home, our sanctuary and our source of security and tranquility. A mix of emotions—anger, fear, frustration, and helplessness—because something that affects us so personally is being decided without our voice being heard. Even when I tried to raise my hand before the meeting to say - 'Hey, this isn't ok!' - I was told it was premature. And days later, it felt like, actually NO it's too late!! There is a sense of loss I felt so strongly that accompanied the email and phone call that came after I sent a flyer out. 

That feeling of being powerless in the face of a looming change, especially when it's already being spoken about like a foregone conclusion, has left me with a knot in my chest and a desire to fight back or reclaim some control.

It has also caused me to take missteps, to not think things through and to act hastily. I feel like I'm playing catch up against a current that is sweeping me away. But that doesn't excuse my actions. I know that someone I called a friend feels targeted or hurt by what I have said. I know another friend doesn't want to step into the arena, and I needed to do better when it comes to respecting their choice. I sincerely apologize if I wrote something that made you feel targeted, betrayed or uncomfortable. It isn't my intent. My intent is for all of us to be thoughtful and intentional in our actions, to care for each other and not to hurt some for the convenience of others. And tonight I'm feeling like I've been the hurtful one. So I'm going to take a rest for this for the next week to recharge and recuperate.

I still think it is important to circulate the initial petition. But I don't want to act out of fear. I want to feel like we will act as a community and get through this whole.