Release the original cut of Death Becomes Her
The Issue
For more than 30 years the elusive original version of 'Death Becomes Her', directed by the great Robert Zemeckis has been kept under wraps.
More than 25 scenes got removed from the film only 3 weeks before the Theatrical release.
The movie was advertised first with a Theatrical Trailer in the spring of 1992 with an abundant amount of footage that's not in the final film.
A Behind The Scenes special also gave us more unseen stuff. Tv promos ran up til early August 1992 with scenes that weren't in the final cut of the film either.
By December overseas marketing still used clips of the deleted scenes from the original version of the film in tv spots and specials.
Promo material like Publicity Stills, Magazines, Lobbycards, Press Kits and Soundtrack released in US and parts of Europe included a good amount of deleted scenes photos as well.
Even the home releases included shots of at least 2 deleted scenes on the backcovers of the VHS, Laserdisc, DVD and Blu-ray.
The German blu-ray gave us more unseen stills from the original version in 2014 in the special features section of the disc.
On top of that the original ending's music track was released on CD in 2022 (and VINYL in 2023) creating even more interest for the original version.
It would be a true gift for the fans to finally own the original version or an extended cut of the film. The shooting script by David Koepp & Martin Donovan has received a lot of positive feedback and both versions of the film could easily co exist since the core of the story remains the same.
This is the fans inquiry to finally get the original cut of 'Death Becomes Her' released.
Thanks for your interest.
Sempre Viva
-------------------------------------------------------------
THE DELETED SCENES IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER:
+ Madeline & Ernest's wedding ceremony. After Ernest tells Helen he has absolutely no interest in Madeline Ashton she eventually looks back at him and seems reassured. Cut to a church hall: Ernest does his vows and he eventually lifts up his bride's veil. It's MADELINE. She kisses Ernest, whispers something in his ear and then starts to act all inappropriate by touching him down south, upsetting the guests. Helen watches them in the shadows from the balcony and Mad KNOWS... and sneaks a look at her as she kisses Ernest. A Star Magazine photographer then snaps photos of the newly wed couple as they eventually walk out of the hall.
+ In the morning Rose the maid (Nancy Fish) get's told to work eventhough it's her night off so her and the entire team can make Madeline look the best for the dinner party. Madeline informs Ernest it's Helen's Book Party and his face lights up. MAD: "YOU ARE WITH THE VIPS AND I AM WITH THE SOBS!" Then she warns Ernest not to get too chummy with Helen during the party because Madeline doesn't allow infidelity.
This directly locks in with the next scene with Madeline cheating on Ernest with Dakota
+ Madeline and Dakota are making love in the bed at the beachhouse, and are reaching climax. When they're finished Dakota jumps from the bed and Madeline talks about how upset she is having to face Helen that evening. This has her talking about their rivalry that started in High School. MAD: "I BET SHE HOLDS A GRUDGE! I KNOW SHE DOES!" -- "SHE MADE FUN OF ME, HER AND HER FRIENDS ,THOSE MISERABLE PARK-AVENUE-PRIVATE-SCHOOL-CLENCHED-TOOTH --" Dakota doesn't really listen and does his exercises, while he gets upset about his 'fat' tummy. Madeline tells him how free she feels but then also freaks out when she sees a line on her cheek caused by one of his bed's pillows and she then throws it at him. She jumps out of bed with the sheets wrapped around her and scurries into the bathroom while Dakota rolls his eyes. (This scene gives more backstory about Mad & Hel relationship and uses a lot of mirrors in the scene).
The next scene happens after Madeline tears up Lisle's card at the salon
+ Bartender Toni (Tracey Ullman) is working at Dominicks bar with Ernest as one of her loyal customers along with a comatose drunk next to him who practically looks dead and doesn't utter a word. Ernest envies the guy for having 'NO WIFE, no obligations, NO WIFE, no one to answer to, no possessions... and NO WIFE'. The movie 'Dark Windows' with Madeline is being played on the tv in the bar. Toni wants to change the channel but Ernest tells her to wait. Ernest then watches Madeline die with a smile on his face and that's when he tells her she can turn the tv off. (Toni "How is that wife of yours doing?! She is one in a million isn't she?!") Ernest takes a look at the lonely drunk guy and talks about having wasted his life, that he needs to divorce Madeline and wishes for a second chance. Toni listens to him sympathetically... and wonders if he still loves HER (Helen). Ernest doesn't answer and eventually toasts the comatose drunk. "LUCKY BASTARD!"
Directly followed by
+ Rose helping Mad and Ernest at home getting ready for the bookparty. Madeline goes on about her sad youth in a trailer park while Rose mocks her by mouthing every word along with her behind her back. Rose talks about being a masochist for wanting to work for Ernest and Madeline. Ernest comes down the stairs and has pieces of bloody paper on his face because he cut himself shaving (the tremor hand) and Mad notices his terrible suit. She completely flips and doesn't want to go anymore, but Ernest says he'll just go by himself. Madeline then tells him he is not going... but he is fine with that too so he starts to walk back up the stairs... Madeline drags him back and they get ready to leave while she says something nasty about Helen.
+ Madeline & Ernest's big entrance at the bookparty. Mad's agent (played by Jonathan Silverman) talks about Madeline to a Starlet who goes: "OH IT'S HER! I THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD!" Ernest talks to a male client who he did plastic surgery on a long time ago. Madeline then comes up to her agent, pulls him away from the Starlet and starts questioning him about why she's not getting any new gigs (she then gets a gig at Hollywood Squares, but it's a terrible corner)
+ Helen has a heartfelt conversation with Ernest about her traumatic years and tells him how she got herself back together by exercising and "only thinking of... " then she sneaks a look at Mad -- "... you..." (Involves the dropped plot about Helen having lost all the weight by herself).
+ In her hotelroom Helen has a tape playing on her stereo with the song 'I WILL FOLLOW HIM' on there and sings along to hit with alternate lyrics. "I HATE HER, I HATE HER, I HATE HER AND WHERE SHE'LL GO I FOLLOW!" while she is working on some kind of contraption.
+ Extended Murderplan with more plotting & kissing between Ernest and Helen. She talks about how her psychologist convinced her to kill Madeline. "SHE HAS TO GO ERNEST.... SHE HAS TO DISAPPEAR!"
+ Lisle tells Madeline she knows her secret... Mad's cheating on Ernest with Dakota... LISLE: "BUT HE WILL LEAVE YOU TOO..."
+ Dakota calls Madeline at home to apologise. Slowly Mad goes from angry "SOON YOU'LL BE TOO OLD FOR ME ANYWAY!" to flirty again while Ernest listens at the open door... Mad tells Dakota she'll be back there soon and hangs up the phone. That's when she notices Ernest standing right there, fuming. She then slams the door in his face.
+ As Ernest leaves another doctor walks into the hospitalroom and notices Madeline on the examiningtable, dead... while she hears Ernest scream in the hallway she closes Mad's eyes.
+ Madeline has been brought into the morgue and a worker has a dead Priest out on the slab... Then he starts hearing strange noises but he thinks it's his colleagues playing a prank on him.
+ Ernest walks into the morgue where he encounters the worker with the dead Priest out on the slab. Ernest asks if he can get a little bit of alone time with Madeline so the worker slides the slab back into the cooling but locks the latch incorrectly. (Matt Frewer, 'Honey I shrunk the kids.' played an orderly and was probably involved in this scene. ) While Ernest talks to Madeline the latch goes off and the dead Priest slowly comes sliding out the cooling. When Ernest walks back the slab hits him in the butt. Ernest sees this as another sign for him to fix Madeline. (... perhaps this was the Priest that married them and that's why Ernest sees it as a sign?)
+ Right after that Mad & Ernest hurry out the morgue into the hallway, they get noticed by two orderlies and the worker from earlier and Madeline goes: "JUST A FALSE ALARM!" Leaving the morgue worker completely baffled.
+ After picking up the formaldehyde at the Mortuary Ernest doesn't go home to Madeline, he drives to the Four Season Hills Hotel where Helen's staying. Helen, still stalking him in her car, sees a sign of the FS hotel. HEL: "SH*T!!!!", she punches the gas, runs a red light and arrives there just before Ernest, accidentally hitting a baggage cart while a Valet has to jump out of the way. Helen leaps out of her car and sprints into the hotel hysterically as Ernest arrives in his car. Inside the hotelroom Helen is franctically shoving the suitcase with the Madeline obsession shrine into another room as Ernest arrives at the room and knocks on the door. He is about to knock again as Helen opens it and drags him in. Ernest then goes on about the miracle that happened to Madeline and says that they have reconciled. HEL: "ERNEST... THAT'S SICK!" Helen thinks Ernest is suffering through some psychotic episode and doesn't believe Mad is alive (cause she saw her dead in the car). She realises they now have waited too long to call the cops so she comes up with the Death Valley burial plan and report her missing. ERNEST: "SHE'LL BE FINE AT THE HOUSE!" HEL: "ERNEST DON'T BE RIDICULOUS... SHE'LL START TO SMELL!" Then Ernest sits Helen down, tells her he is so sorry for what he did to her but he has a duty to help Madeline now. He kisses her on the cheek and leaves. Helen then looks down and sees she has ripped her hand open again with a hankerchief and screams. HEL: "SHE DID IT AGAIN!"
This scene was directly followed by the next one.
+ In the morning the maid Rose gets out of a van with two other maids. They walk into the side entrance of the house straight into the kitchen which is a complete mess. ROSE: "OKAY... I GUESS THEY HAD THEIR REASONS." There's racks and puddles of water on the floor, icecream and meat on the counter. Ernest is in the next room asleep on the couch in an upright position, snoring. The other two maids start cleaning the floor while Rose is ready to prepare Mad's breakfast tray, so she opens the freezer door only to see a bizarre sight. Madeline is curled up in there with icicles on her face. Mad turns her head slowly and she is pissed. MAD: "CLOSE THE DOOR ROSE!" Rose shuts the door, then goes in a panic and runs to Ernest. ROSE: "DR MENVILLE!!! DR MENVILLE!" ERNEST: "MORNING ROSE IS IT UP YETTTT?" ROSE: "UH SIR.... IT'S... IN THE FRIDGE!". Ernest jumps up hysterically and tries to reassure Rose that it's just an experimental beauty thing Mad is trying. The two maids come running out the kitchen too. Ernest tells them to stay put and goes into to the kitchen and opens the freezer. MAD: "ARE YOU INSANE!!!!" He pulls Mad from the freezer and she lands with a LOUD sound. Once she thaws a little she manages to get up and Ernest gives her instructions on how to act. He tells her to cover her face with some avocado and they put ovenmits on her purple hands. (MAD: "WHY AM I SO STIFF?!" ERNEST: "IT'S RIGOR MORTIS, JUST WALK IT OFF, HURRY!"). Mad then starts walking out the kitchen slowly, coming into the sittingroom looking like some freaky ice zombie. She is a crackling mess while she tries to wave at Rose with her broken wrist. Mad continues to walk to the foyer while the maids get fired by Ernest ("WE HAVE SOLD THE HOUSE AND ARE MOVING TO EUROPE!") while Mad tries to walk up the main stairs which is quite the chore. She greets the maids and says: "SEE, COMPLETELY FINE DEARS, JUST A SWEDISH SKIN THING!". When the maids are literally pushed out of the house with some envelopes Ernest starts dragging Mad up the stairs. She then starts getting really upset about her looks but Ernest promises her he will make her look beautiful again... ERNEST: "YOU'LL BE MY MASTERPIECE!"
+ While exercising like crazy in her hotelroom Helen receives maps of Death Valley delivered by a bellhop. She asks him when sundown is and he says it will be dark within an hour. HEL: "PERFECT!" (Links to HELEN'S dropped substory of having lost the weight of herself)
+ When it's dark, Helen is at the checkout of the hardware store. The clerk rings up all of her suspicious stuff, turns to her and he goes: "IS THAT GONNA DO IT FOR YOU OR DO YOU WANT A HEADSTONE TO GO WITH IT?!" ... and Hel bursts out laughing, maniacally.
+ Extended bits with Madeline and Helen before and during the fight.
HEL: "IT'S ALIVE... AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL.... HOW CAN THIS BE? I SAW HER ERNEST... SHE WAS DEAD! AND NOW... SHE HAS A SUNTAN?!"
--------
MAD: "WATCH IT HELEN!
HEL: "YOU WATCH IT MADELINE YOU'RE NOT SCREWING WITH THE SAME OLD HELEN!"
MAD: "DID ANYONE? EVER? HAHAH!"
+ Extended portion with Madeline and Helen making up (sitting next to eachother) on the couch. Hel rips out the wooden handle of the sovel and talks about feeling miserable for hating Madeline for so long HEL: "IT NOW ALL JUST FEELS SO... HOLLOW!" Madeline gives Helen a glass of water to calm her down and Hel drinks from it. It all goes right through her though, upsetting her even more. Madeline promises Ernest will make them look good again.
+ Lisle reveals to Ernest that she is more than 600 years old and she has 'depraived several important people of this world' (like Lincoln, Shakespeare and Max Factor) for refusing the potion. LISLE: "I CAN'T TAKE REJECTION, IT'S A FAULT I KNOW."
+ Chagall informs the crowd they won't be able to pay in dollars any longer.
+ Lisle arrives at the Spring Party in all her glory flanked by 2 girls in greek atire holding lillies (Ai Wan and Catherine Bell). She welcomes the crowd and tells a joke she heard from Dick Clark we only hear parts of... we do hear the punch line "DON'T MIND ME, I THOUGHT IT WAS SILICONE!" as the crowd start laughing and Ernest is sneaking to the elevator.
+ Ernest wakes up on the bottom of the pool and sees the potionbottle floating, still intact. Ernest grabs it, climbs out of the pool only to notice Jim Morrison and his girlfriend standing there. JIM: "SO ARE YOU GONNA BE DONE SOON OR WHAT?!" ERNEST: "OH YES I'M GONNA BE DONE VERY SOON, AND SO WILL ALL OF YOU!" Ernest waves the potion vial in their faces and runs off with it.
+ Lisle knows Ernest still has the potion... as the women run out the door of Lisle's mansion they see Ernest drive away. Lisle warns Madeline & Helen that they better get the vial back. MAD: "WHY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?" HEL: " KILL US?" LISLE: "NO..... BURY YOU!" Mad & Hel look at eachother... not at all pleased.
+ Ernest drives to Toni at his neighbourhood bar and shows her the potion. The comatose drunk is there again as well. Toni eventually believes every word Ernest tells her while she inspects the vial on the counter. She then decides to make him a cup of coffee instead of a drink.
+ Madeline and Helen burst into the Menville Mansion and start searching for Ernest.
+ Toni and Ernest try to come up with a plan to make Ernest disappear. Then the old comatose guy at the bar sees the potion's light and suddenly drops dead landing with his head on the counter smashing into his glass, his toupet flying off. Ernest checks him. ERNEST: " HE'S DEAD.... NOW HE'S DEAD!!!!" TONI: "ARE YOU SURE?" ERNEST: "YOU KNOW I HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE IN THESE MATTERS..." Then Ernest and Toni come up with a body switch plan (since the drunk guy has no family) and Toni has to get the potionbottle to the news outlets. ERNEST: "WELL... I ALWAYS ADMIRED HIM!" TONI: " YEAH... I THINK HE WOULD HAVE WANTED IT THIS WAY."
+ Madeline and Helen meet in the foyer and then notice the liquor cart at the same time. That's when they realise where Ernest is and they run for the door.
+ Outside the bar the police are rolling out 'Ernest's' dead body on a gurney, covered by a sheet. Toni tells them she saw Ernest die very clearly and she has known him for 10 years. Mad & Hel arrive and Toni starts fake crying and informs them of Ernest's passing. Madeline insists on seeing Ernest's body, starts pulling up the sheet looking for the potion vial. Ernest panicks and throws the potion to Toni who then has to hand it to Helen. Mad never sees the dead drunks face but still confirms it's Ernest. The police tells her to officially identify him at the morgue later anyway. She thinks back, disturbed and say's she'll just send someone. Helen and Mad now realise they're stuck together forever... look at echother with forced smiles and leave when the ambulance has gone. HEL: "WHAT A TRAGEDY... WHAT A LOSS!" MAD: "I KNOW! GOOD MORTICIANS ARE SO HARD TO FIND." Ernest and Toni look at them leave from the bar's entrance. Ernest seems worried this cult can now still roam free while Toni looks at him with affection. She says they all will get what they deserve, somehow... Ernest then looks up the dark clouds as rain starts to fall again.
27 Years Later
+ Madeline & Helen are at a beautiful place in Switzerland, sitting on a balcony of a hotel overlooking a gorgeous park, lake, with mountains in the background. Mad insinuates she's losing paint from her back all the way to her ass, but both women still look stunning. They are completely bored out of their brains though. Helen suggests places to travel to but Madeline can't be bothered. Madeline then starts ridiculing an old couple that is walking into the park. MAD: "GOD THEY'RE OLD, ISN'T THAT JUST PITIFUL?!... RIGHT?! and that's when Hel takes off her sunglasses to look at the couple and we see she looks at them with longing. She then looks at Mad, then at herself... and goes :"YES... PITIFUL." The old couple are having a picnic and are still very much in love. The man covers his wife's old hand with his very young looking hand... it's Ernest! There's some kids there playing on the grassy field and one stops running and notices the women staring. He gets an uneasy feeling... and then runs off... then there's a zoom in on the ladies (Mad still wearing sunglasses) and we start to see skulls/decay superimposed on the eternal ladies' faces and the movie fades to black... the end.
MY THOUGHTS ON WHY THE ORIGINAL CUT WORKS BETTER:
The original cut of the film gave all the three characters what they wanted in the end and it was the women's own choice to live forever that made them struggle internally. The final cut tries to give the characters 'what they deserve' with crazy effects and many added jokes which are very well done but it also feels quite mysoginistic. The 'problem' with that reshot ending is the fact that we haven't forgotten that Ernest willingly killed his wife halfway the movie YET he gets everything he wanted in the end. If it had been Helen pushing Madeline down the stairs this whole reshot Funeral ending would have worked better cause it leaves Ernest sort of blameless and the whole eulogy would have felt actually genuine. Now the movie leaves us (like Goldie Hawn says) with "a lot of nothing" cause the worst character somehow gets the best send off. In the original ending Ernest stages his death and it's implied he has to live a life in hiding only for the women, still looking flawless and not struggling physically, to come across him 27 years later. It was a softer more thought provoking ending but at least ALL THREE characters are in a situation they chose to be in.
If Ernest had been alive in the reshoot ending (perhaps living a bit longer because of the little potion he got on his hand) and the entire trio was at the funeral of Rose the maid instead of Ernest (Rose got fired halfway the movie in one of her 4 deleted scenes and she is way more deserving than the wife murdering alcoholic) the whole reshoot ending would have worked better. The women finally discover they were duped by Ernest and find out he is still alive 37 years later when they see an old man in the funeral crowd with one young hand. When he feels he's being noticed by them he leaves the funeral ceremony and the women go after him. Then eventually the ladies fall to pieces on the church steps while Ernest tries to get away from them. This would all have worked better in my opinion cause it shows Ernest still being tortured instead of him getting this amazing life and funeral. It also softens the women's terrible physical state cause Ernest is still alive to potentially fix them again. Sadly they didn't think of this or they couldn't make it work.
Goldie Hawn expressed she was disappointed with the changes to the movie because it lost it's core message by neither of the women learning their lesson.
"It's very hard for me to get behind a movie that's just about... nothing. I could be blamed for doing movies like that..."
"What one should have felt, surely what I felt reading the script is that 'life should be celebrated.' This movie goes and defies this which is exactly what a black comedy is supposed to do... it makes you think about your life."
"The original ending was much more poignant... because we were not all blotched up and the paint was all screwed up. We were absolutely the same... we were just the same, 27 years later. We were sitting in front of this backdrop of mountains and lakes... and we were bored, bored. That's really the message of the movie. And Meryl goes: What you wanna do? I'm like I don't know what do you wanna do? You wanna go to Paris? What about London? I'VE BEEN TO LONDON. And they hated eachother, cause all they had was eachother. Then they look down and they see this old couple and the man is Bruce Willis and he is touching the hand of this woman and he is so in love. He is very close to death, but he had such great quality of his life. Meryl goes: Look at them, look how old they are, isn't that just pitiful?! Aren't you glad we're not them? And I looked at them and that's where my character could really look at them with longing and say 'Yes' and mean 'No'. That was the end of the movie and that is what the movie actually says. Unfortunately it wasn't an UP funny ending, it wasn't special effects, wild and crazy and the audience deflated. So it's all about money is it?"
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The Issue
For more than 30 years the elusive original version of 'Death Becomes Her', directed by the great Robert Zemeckis has been kept under wraps.
More than 25 scenes got removed from the film only 3 weeks before the Theatrical release.
The movie was advertised first with a Theatrical Trailer in the spring of 1992 with an abundant amount of footage that's not in the final film.
A Behind The Scenes special also gave us more unseen stuff. Tv promos ran up til early August 1992 with scenes that weren't in the final cut of the film either.
By December overseas marketing still used clips of the deleted scenes from the original version of the film in tv spots and specials.
Promo material like Publicity Stills, Magazines, Lobbycards, Press Kits and Soundtrack released in US and parts of Europe included a good amount of deleted scenes photos as well.
Even the home releases included shots of at least 2 deleted scenes on the backcovers of the VHS, Laserdisc, DVD and Blu-ray.
The German blu-ray gave us more unseen stills from the original version in 2014 in the special features section of the disc.
On top of that the original ending's music track was released on CD in 2022 (and VINYL in 2023) creating even more interest for the original version.
It would be a true gift for the fans to finally own the original version or an extended cut of the film. The shooting script by David Koepp & Martin Donovan has received a lot of positive feedback and both versions of the film could easily co exist since the core of the story remains the same.
This is the fans inquiry to finally get the original cut of 'Death Becomes Her' released.
Thanks for your interest.
Sempre Viva
-------------------------------------------------------------
THE DELETED SCENES IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER:
+ Madeline & Ernest's wedding ceremony. After Ernest tells Helen he has absolutely no interest in Madeline Ashton she eventually looks back at him and seems reassured. Cut to a church hall: Ernest does his vows and he eventually lifts up his bride's veil. It's MADELINE. She kisses Ernest, whispers something in his ear and then starts to act all inappropriate by touching him down south, upsetting the guests. Helen watches them in the shadows from the balcony and Mad KNOWS... and sneaks a look at her as she kisses Ernest. A Star Magazine photographer then snaps photos of the newly wed couple as they eventually walk out of the hall.
+ In the morning Rose the maid (Nancy Fish) get's told to work eventhough it's her night off so her and the entire team can make Madeline look the best for the dinner party. Madeline informs Ernest it's Helen's Book Party and his face lights up. MAD: "YOU ARE WITH THE VIPS AND I AM WITH THE SOBS!" Then she warns Ernest not to get too chummy with Helen during the party because Madeline doesn't allow infidelity.
This directly locks in with the next scene with Madeline cheating on Ernest with Dakota
+ Madeline and Dakota are making love in the bed at the beachhouse, and are reaching climax. When they're finished Dakota jumps from the bed and Madeline talks about how upset she is having to face Helen that evening. This has her talking about their rivalry that started in High School. MAD: "I BET SHE HOLDS A GRUDGE! I KNOW SHE DOES!" -- "SHE MADE FUN OF ME, HER AND HER FRIENDS ,THOSE MISERABLE PARK-AVENUE-PRIVATE-SCHOOL-CLENCHED-TOOTH --" Dakota doesn't really listen and does his exercises, while he gets upset about his 'fat' tummy. Madeline tells him how free she feels but then also freaks out when she sees a line on her cheek caused by one of his bed's pillows and she then throws it at him. She jumps out of bed with the sheets wrapped around her and scurries into the bathroom while Dakota rolls his eyes. (This scene gives more backstory about Mad & Hel relationship and uses a lot of mirrors in the scene).
The next scene happens after Madeline tears up Lisle's card at the salon
+ Bartender Toni (Tracey Ullman) is working at Dominicks bar with Ernest as one of her loyal customers along with a comatose drunk next to him who practically looks dead and doesn't utter a word. Ernest envies the guy for having 'NO WIFE, no obligations, NO WIFE, no one to answer to, no possessions... and NO WIFE'. The movie 'Dark Windows' with Madeline is being played on the tv in the bar. Toni wants to change the channel but Ernest tells her to wait. Ernest then watches Madeline die with a smile on his face and that's when he tells her she can turn the tv off. (Toni "How is that wife of yours doing?! She is one in a million isn't she?!") Ernest takes a look at the lonely drunk guy and talks about having wasted his life, that he needs to divorce Madeline and wishes for a second chance. Toni listens to him sympathetically... and wonders if he still loves HER (Helen). Ernest doesn't answer and eventually toasts the comatose drunk. "LUCKY BASTARD!"
Directly followed by
+ Rose helping Mad and Ernest at home getting ready for the bookparty. Madeline goes on about her sad youth in a trailer park while Rose mocks her by mouthing every word along with her behind her back. Rose talks about being a masochist for wanting to work for Ernest and Madeline. Ernest comes down the stairs and has pieces of bloody paper on his face because he cut himself shaving (the tremor hand) and Mad notices his terrible suit. She completely flips and doesn't want to go anymore, but Ernest says he'll just go by himself. Madeline then tells him he is not going... but he is fine with that too so he starts to walk back up the stairs... Madeline drags him back and they get ready to leave while she says something nasty about Helen.
+ Madeline & Ernest's big entrance at the bookparty. Mad's agent (played by Jonathan Silverman) talks about Madeline to a Starlet who goes: "OH IT'S HER! I THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD!" Ernest talks to a male client who he did plastic surgery on a long time ago. Madeline then comes up to her agent, pulls him away from the Starlet and starts questioning him about why she's not getting any new gigs (she then gets a gig at Hollywood Squares, but it's a terrible corner)
+ Helen has a heartfelt conversation with Ernest about her traumatic years and tells him how she got herself back together by exercising and "only thinking of... " then she sneaks a look at Mad -- "... you..." (Involves the dropped plot about Helen having lost all the weight by herself).
+ In her hotelroom Helen has a tape playing on her stereo with the song 'I WILL FOLLOW HIM' on there and sings along to hit with alternate lyrics. "I HATE HER, I HATE HER, I HATE HER AND WHERE SHE'LL GO I FOLLOW!" while she is working on some kind of contraption.
+ Extended Murderplan with more plotting & kissing between Ernest and Helen. She talks about how her psychologist convinced her to kill Madeline. "SHE HAS TO GO ERNEST.... SHE HAS TO DISAPPEAR!"
+ Lisle tells Madeline she knows her secret... Mad's cheating on Ernest with Dakota... LISLE: "BUT HE WILL LEAVE YOU TOO..."
+ Dakota calls Madeline at home to apologise. Slowly Mad goes from angry "SOON YOU'LL BE TOO OLD FOR ME ANYWAY!" to flirty again while Ernest listens at the open door... Mad tells Dakota she'll be back there soon and hangs up the phone. That's when she notices Ernest standing right there, fuming. She then slams the door in his face.
+ As Ernest leaves another doctor walks into the hospitalroom and notices Madeline on the examiningtable, dead... while she hears Ernest scream in the hallway she closes Mad's eyes.
+ Madeline has been brought into the morgue and a worker has a dead Priest out on the slab... Then he starts hearing strange noises but he thinks it's his colleagues playing a prank on him.
+ Ernest walks into the morgue where he encounters the worker with the dead Priest out on the slab. Ernest asks if he can get a little bit of alone time with Madeline so the worker slides the slab back into the cooling but locks the latch incorrectly. (Matt Frewer, 'Honey I shrunk the kids.' played an orderly and was probably involved in this scene. ) While Ernest talks to Madeline the latch goes off and the dead Priest slowly comes sliding out the cooling. When Ernest walks back the slab hits him in the butt. Ernest sees this as another sign for him to fix Madeline. (... perhaps this was the Priest that married them and that's why Ernest sees it as a sign?)
+ Right after that Mad & Ernest hurry out the morgue into the hallway, they get noticed by two orderlies and the worker from earlier and Madeline goes: "JUST A FALSE ALARM!" Leaving the morgue worker completely baffled.
+ After picking up the formaldehyde at the Mortuary Ernest doesn't go home to Madeline, he drives to the Four Season Hills Hotel where Helen's staying. Helen, still stalking him in her car, sees a sign of the FS hotel. HEL: "SH*T!!!!", she punches the gas, runs a red light and arrives there just before Ernest, accidentally hitting a baggage cart while a Valet has to jump out of the way. Helen leaps out of her car and sprints into the hotel hysterically as Ernest arrives in his car. Inside the hotelroom Helen is franctically shoving the suitcase with the Madeline obsession shrine into another room as Ernest arrives at the room and knocks on the door. He is about to knock again as Helen opens it and drags him in. Ernest then goes on about the miracle that happened to Madeline and says that they have reconciled. HEL: "ERNEST... THAT'S SICK!" Helen thinks Ernest is suffering through some psychotic episode and doesn't believe Mad is alive (cause she saw her dead in the car). She realises they now have waited too long to call the cops so she comes up with the Death Valley burial plan and report her missing. ERNEST: "SHE'LL BE FINE AT THE HOUSE!" HEL: "ERNEST DON'T BE RIDICULOUS... SHE'LL START TO SMELL!" Then Ernest sits Helen down, tells her he is so sorry for what he did to her but he has a duty to help Madeline now. He kisses her on the cheek and leaves. Helen then looks down and sees she has ripped her hand open again with a hankerchief and screams. HEL: "SHE DID IT AGAIN!"
This scene was directly followed by the next one.
+ In the morning the maid Rose gets out of a van with two other maids. They walk into the side entrance of the house straight into the kitchen which is a complete mess. ROSE: "OKAY... I GUESS THEY HAD THEIR REASONS." There's racks and puddles of water on the floor, icecream and meat on the counter. Ernest is in the next room asleep on the couch in an upright position, snoring. The other two maids start cleaning the floor while Rose is ready to prepare Mad's breakfast tray, so she opens the freezer door only to see a bizarre sight. Madeline is curled up in there with icicles on her face. Mad turns her head slowly and she is pissed. MAD: "CLOSE THE DOOR ROSE!" Rose shuts the door, then goes in a panic and runs to Ernest. ROSE: "DR MENVILLE!!! DR MENVILLE!" ERNEST: "MORNING ROSE IS IT UP YETTTT?" ROSE: "UH SIR.... IT'S... IN THE FRIDGE!". Ernest jumps up hysterically and tries to reassure Rose that it's just an experimental beauty thing Mad is trying. The two maids come running out the kitchen too. Ernest tells them to stay put and goes into to the kitchen and opens the freezer. MAD: "ARE YOU INSANE!!!!" He pulls Mad from the freezer and she lands with a LOUD sound. Once she thaws a little she manages to get up and Ernest gives her instructions on how to act. He tells her to cover her face with some avocado and they put ovenmits on her purple hands. (MAD: "WHY AM I SO STIFF?!" ERNEST: "IT'S RIGOR MORTIS, JUST WALK IT OFF, HURRY!"). Mad then starts walking out the kitchen slowly, coming into the sittingroom looking like some freaky ice zombie. She is a crackling mess while she tries to wave at Rose with her broken wrist. Mad continues to walk to the foyer while the maids get fired by Ernest ("WE HAVE SOLD THE HOUSE AND ARE MOVING TO EUROPE!") while Mad tries to walk up the main stairs which is quite the chore. She greets the maids and says: "SEE, COMPLETELY FINE DEARS, JUST A SWEDISH SKIN THING!". When the maids are literally pushed out of the house with some envelopes Ernest starts dragging Mad up the stairs. She then starts getting really upset about her looks but Ernest promises her he will make her look beautiful again... ERNEST: "YOU'LL BE MY MASTERPIECE!"
+ While exercising like crazy in her hotelroom Helen receives maps of Death Valley delivered by a bellhop. She asks him when sundown is and he says it will be dark within an hour. HEL: "PERFECT!" (Links to HELEN'S dropped substory of having lost the weight of herself)
+ When it's dark, Helen is at the checkout of the hardware store. The clerk rings up all of her suspicious stuff, turns to her and he goes: "IS THAT GONNA DO IT FOR YOU OR DO YOU WANT A HEADSTONE TO GO WITH IT?!" ... and Hel bursts out laughing, maniacally.
+ Extended bits with Madeline and Helen before and during the fight.
HEL: "IT'S ALIVE... AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL.... HOW CAN THIS BE? I SAW HER ERNEST... SHE WAS DEAD! AND NOW... SHE HAS A SUNTAN?!"
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MAD: "WATCH IT HELEN!
HEL: "YOU WATCH IT MADELINE YOU'RE NOT SCREWING WITH THE SAME OLD HELEN!"
MAD: "DID ANYONE? EVER? HAHAH!"
+ Extended portion with Madeline and Helen making up (sitting next to eachother) on the couch. Hel rips out the wooden handle of the sovel and talks about feeling miserable for hating Madeline for so long HEL: "IT NOW ALL JUST FEELS SO... HOLLOW!" Madeline gives Helen a glass of water to calm her down and Hel drinks from it. It all goes right through her though, upsetting her even more. Madeline promises Ernest will make them look good again.
+ Lisle reveals to Ernest that she is more than 600 years old and she has 'depraived several important people of this world' (like Lincoln, Shakespeare and Max Factor) for refusing the potion. LISLE: "I CAN'T TAKE REJECTION, IT'S A FAULT I KNOW."
+ Chagall informs the crowd they won't be able to pay in dollars any longer.
+ Lisle arrives at the Spring Party in all her glory flanked by 2 girls in greek atire holding lillies (Ai Wan and Catherine Bell). She welcomes the crowd and tells a joke she heard from Dick Clark we only hear parts of... we do hear the punch line "DON'T MIND ME, I THOUGHT IT WAS SILICONE!" as the crowd start laughing and Ernest is sneaking to the elevator.
+ Ernest wakes up on the bottom of the pool and sees the potionbottle floating, still intact. Ernest grabs it, climbs out of the pool only to notice Jim Morrison and his girlfriend standing there. JIM: "SO ARE YOU GONNA BE DONE SOON OR WHAT?!" ERNEST: "OH YES I'M GONNA BE DONE VERY SOON, AND SO WILL ALL OF YOU!" Ernest waves the potion vial in their faces and runs off with it.
+ Lisle knows Ernest still has the potion... as the women run out the door of Lisle's mansion they see Ernest drive away. Lisle warns Madeline & Helen that they better get the vial back. MAD: "WHY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?" HEL: " KILL US?" LISLE: "NO..... BURY YOU!" Mad & Hel look at eachother... not at all pleased.
+ Ernest drives to Toni at his neighbourhood bar and shows her the potion. The comatose drunk is there again as well. Toni eventually believes every word Ernest tells her while she inspects the vial on the counter. She then decides to make him a cup of coffee instead of a drink.
+ Madeline and Helen burst into the Menville Mansion and start searching for Ernest.
+ Toni and Ernest try to come up with a plan to make Ernest disappear. Then the old comatose guy at the bar sees the potion's light and suddenly drops dead landing with his head on the counter smashing into his glass, his toupet flying off. Ernest checks him. ERNEST: " HE'S DEAD.... NOW HE'S DEAD!!!!" TONI: "ARE YOU SURE?" ERNEST: "YOU KNOW I HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE IN THESE MATTERS..." Then Ernest and Toni come up with a body switch plan (since the drunk guy has no family) and Toni has to get the potionbottle to the news outlets. ERNEST: "WELL... I ALWAYS ADMIRED HIM!" TONI: " YEAH... I THINK HE WOULD HAVE WANTED IT THIS WAY."
+ Madeline and Helen meet in the foyer and then notice the liquor cart at the same time. That's when they realise where Ernest is and they run for the door.
+ Outside the bar the police are rolling out 'Ernest's' dead body on a gurney, covered by a sheet. Toni tells them she saw Ernest die very clearly and she has known him for 10 years. Mad & Hel arrive and Toni starts fake crying and informs them of Ernest's passing. Madeline insists on seeing Ernest's body, starts pulling up the sheet looking for the potion vial. Ernest panicks and throws the potion to Toni who then has to hand it to Helen. Mad never sees the dead drunks face but still confirms it's Ernest. The police tells her to officially identify him at the morgue later anyway. She thinks back, disturbed and say's she'll just send someone. Helen and Mad now realise they're stuck together forever... look at echother with forced smiles and leave when the ambulance has gone. HEL: "WHAT A TRAGEDY... WHAT A LOSS!" MAD: "I KNOW! GOOD MORTICIANS ARE SO HARD TO FIND." Ernest and Toni look at them leave from the bar's entrance. Ernest seems worried this cult can now still roam free while Toni looks at him with affection. She says they all will get what they deserve, somehow... Ernest then looks up the dark clouds as rain starts to fall again.
27 Years Later
+ Madeline & Helen are at a beautiful place in Switzerland, sitting on a balcony of a hotel overlooking a gorgeous park, lake, with mountains in the background. Mad insinuates she's losing paint from her back all the way to her ass, but both women still look stunning. They are completely bored out of their brains though. Helen suggests places to travel to but Madeline can't be bothered. Madeline then starts ridiculing an old couple that is walking into the park. MAD: "GOD THEY'RE OLD, ISN'T THAT JUST PITIFUL?!... RIGHT?! and that's when Hel takes off her sunglasses to look at the couple and we see she looks at them with longing. She then looks at Mad, then at herself... and goes :"YES... PITIFUL." The old couple are having a picnic and are still very much in love. The man covers his wife's old hand with his very young looking hand... it's Ernest! There's some kids there playing on the grassy field and one stops running and notices the women staring. He gets an uneasy feeling... and then runs off... then there's a zoom in on the ladies (Mad still wearing sunglasses) and we start to see skulls/decay superimposed on the eternal ladies' faces and the movie fades to black... the end.
MY THOUGHTS ON WHY THE ORIGINAL CUT WORKS BETTER:
The original cut of the film gave all the three characters what they wanted in the end and it was the women's own choice to live forever that made them struggle internally. The final cut tries to give the characters 'what they deserve' with crazy effects and many added jokes which are very well done but it also feels quite mysoginistic. The 'problem' with that reshot ending is the fact that we haven't forgotten that Ernest willingly killed his wife halfway the movie YET he gets everything he wanted in the end. If it had been Helen pushing Madeline down the stairs this whole reshot Funeral ending would have worked better cause it leaves Ernest sort of blameless and the whole eulogy would have felt actually genuine. Now the movie leaves us (like Goldie Hawn says) with "a lot of nothing" cause the worst character somehow gets the best send off. In the original ending Ernest stages his death and it's implied he has to live a life in hiding only for the women, still looking flawless and not struggling physically, to come across him 27 years later. It was a softer more thought provoking ending but at least ALL THREE characters are in a situation they chose to be in.
If Ernest had been alive in the reshoot ending (perhaps living a bit longer because of the little potion he got on his hand) and the entire trio was at the funeral of Rose the maid instead of Ernest (Rose got fired halfway the movie in one of her 4 deleted scenes and she is way more deserving than the wife murdering alcoholic) the whole reshoot ending would have worked better. The women finally discover they were duped by Ernest and find out he is still alive 37 years later when they see an old man in the funeral crowd with one young hand. When he feels he's being noticed by them he leaves the funeral ceremony and the women go after him. Then eventually the ladies fall to pieces on the church steps while Ernest tries to get away from them. This would all have worked better in my opinion cause it shows Ernest still being tortured instead of him getting this amazing life and funeral. It also softens the women's terrible physical state cause Ernest is still alive to potentially fix them again. Sadly they didn't think of this or they couldn't make it work.
Goldie Hawn expressed she was disappointed with the changes to the movie because it lost it's core message by neither of the women learning their lesson.
"It's very hard for me to get behind a movie that's just about... nothing. I could be blamed for doing movies like that..."
"What one should have felt, surely what I felt reading the script is that 'life should be celebrated.' This movie goes and defies this which is exactly what a black comedy is supposed to do... it makes you think about your life."
"The original ending was much more poignant... because we were not all blotched up and the paint was all screwed up. We were absolutely the same... we were just the same, 27 years later. We were sitting in front of this backdrop of mountains and lakes... and we were bored, bored. That's really the message of the movie. And Meryl goes: What you wanna do? I'm like I don't know what do you wanna do? You wanna go to Paris? What about London? I'VE BEEN TO LONDON. And they hated eachother, cause all they had was eachother. Then they look down and they see this old couple and the man is Bruce Willis and he is touching the hand of this woman and he is so in love. He is very close to death, but he had such great quality of his life. Meryl goes: Look at them, look how old they are, isn't that just pitiful?! Aren't you glad we're not them? And I looked at them and that's where my character could really look at them with longing and say 'Yes' and mean 'No'. That was the end of the movie and that is what the movie actually says. Unfortunately it wasn't an UP funny ending, it wasn't special effects, wild and crazy and the audience deflated. So it's all about money is it?"
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Petition created on January 10, 2024