Petition Closed
Petitioning President Obama

Nominate R. Kelly for Secretary of Homeland Security

President Obama is considering NYC Police Commissioner Ray Kelly for Secretary of Homeland Security. Not only does Ray Kelly support draconian "Stop & Frisk" policies, but Ray Kelly is not even the most qualified Kelly that should be considered for the position.

Obama's overlooking of R. Kelly for Secretary of Homeland Security is the gravest injustice of our generation.

1) R. Kelly Can Fly.

R. Kelly believes he can fly, and if he just believes it, then there's nothing to it.

2) R. Kelly Can Keep it on the "Down Low".

With the recent string of high-profile leaks in the federal government, we need someone we can trust. R. Kelly is on the record in support of secrecy, saying, "Keep it on the down low, nobody has to know".

3) R. Kelly is The World's Greatest.

He is simultaneously a mountain, a tall tree, and a swift wind sweeping the country. The Homeland needs a man of such power protecting it.

4) If President Obama Doesn't Nominate R. Kelly, then the Terrorists Win.

Imagine if R. Kelly's secret of self-propelled human flight, or his ability to shapeshift, were to fall into the terrorists' hands. That's not a chance we can take.

As Americans, we deserve to have The World's Greatest protecting us, and if Obama fails to do the just thing, and nominate R. Kelly for Secretary of Homeland Security, then I fear for our Great Nation's future.

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  • President Obama

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