On a fateful evening this July 29, 2014 actor Orlando Bloom fed the Pop Music miscreant Justin Bieber a knuckle-sandwich on behalf of the entire civilized world.
This is something you, as the leader of the free world, must reward with an executive order declaring July 29 as a national holiday honoring Orlando Bloom.
We compel you to do right by every civilized and cultured human being walking this earth by exercising your power for this most just of causes.
You may familiarize yourself with the story by reading this:
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