Dear Dracut,

We are writing to formally ask that you support renaming Dracut to Drake-ut in honor of Drake Maye going to the Super Bowl.

In light of breaking news, the town of Maynard renaming their town to Maye-nard, we simply cannot allow another municipality in Massachusetts to be funnier than us. 

Drake Maye has given this region hope, purpose, and something to believe in again. Renaming the town would be a powerful symbolic gesture showing that leadership understands the moment and is willing to stand with the people when it matters most.

Lead us back to hope. To purpose. To greatness. Possibly to a parade.

To our neighbors to the East, consider renaming Andover to 'Ann Michael Maye-Dover' in honor of the Queen of New England. 

To be clear, do NOT try to make any more Patriots x Municipal name puns. For example, do NOT suggest renaming Lowell to “Lowe-ll.” While we thank Vedarian Lowe for his service, we CANNOT in good conscience honor a player who almost got Drake Maye killed last year. While the taste of victory is sweet, the smell of blood sours our stomach.

Thank you for your time, your leadership, and your understanding during this exciting and stressful football season.

Respectfully,
Concerned Citizens