Make Ash and Trejo Run on the Same Presidential Ticket!!
The Issue
America’s facing some tough times right now. Some say she’s looking more divided than ever. Some say she’s looking like she won’t make it through the next four years. A wiser man than all those pencil necks has said she’s “looking like the sad chick at the party no one wants to bang.”
One thing’s for sure: she’s facing a tougher choice than ever, (Even tougher than that one every high school guy’s afraid his girlfriend will have to make after that thing that happened on Prom Night.) It’s the choice of our next President.
You see, with both Ashley J. Williams and Danny Trejo running for the highest office in the land, what we’re looking at is an embarrassment of riches.
You want foreign policy and military experience? One of these guys fought off an army of darkness in another freaking dimension. You want someone who’s tough on drugs and crime? One of these guys took out a whole freaking cartel singlehandedly. You want someone to protect you from terrorists? One of these guys will kill them and the other one will kill them ALL OVER AGAIN – with a freaking CHAINSAW HAND! You want someone who will cut your taxes? How about a guy who’s named after his Machete? Oh, and you want immigration policy? …Well, you’ll have to talk that over with Trejo yourself.
Seriously, how are we supposed to choose between these two badass hombres?! We can’t. That’s why we’re calling on the two best Presidential candidates in history to join forces and run on the same ticket. President, Vice President, we don’t care who does what. Although, if we had to pick which one should give the State of the Union Address and which one should cut down on the gridlock in Congress, well let’s just say Machete don’t filibuster. Yep. The country shouldn’t have to choose between two prospects this hot when we could have the threesome of a lifetime.
That’s why we’re asking all of you to sign this petition to ask Ash and Trejo to run on the same ticket. And we’ve only got a week left to do this, so let’s put a hurry-the-hell-up order on it, shall we? …Seriously, do it NOW, because we’re not even sure it’s legal!
Oh, and we almost forgot: TACO TRUCKS ON EVERY CORNER!!
Petition Closed
The Issue
America’s facing some tough times right now. Some say she’s looking more divided than ever. Some say she’s looking like she won’t make it through the next four years. A wiser man than all those pencil necks has said she’s “looking like the sad chick at the party no one wants to bang.”
One thing’s for sure: she’s facing a tougher choice than ever, (Even tougher than that one every high school guy’s afraid his girlfriend will have to make after that thing that happened on Prom Night.) It’s the choice of our next President.
You see, with both Ashley J. Williams and Danny Trejo running for the highest office in the land, what we’re looking at is an embarrassment of riches.
You want foreign policy and military experience? One of these guys fought off an army of darkness in another freaking dimension. You want someone who’s tough on drugs and crime? One of these guys took out a whole freaking cartel singlehandedly. You want someone to protect you from terrorists? One of these guys will kill them and the other one will kill them ALL OVER AGAIN – with a freaking CHAINSAW HAND! You want someone who will cut your taxes? How about a guy who’s named after his Machete? Oh, and you want immigration policy? …Well, you’ll have to talk that over with Trejo yourself.
Seriously, how are we supposed to choose between these two badass hombres?! We can’t. That’s why we’re calling on the two best Presidential candidates in history to join forces and run on the same ticket. President, Vice President, we don’t care who does what. Although, if we had to pick which one should give the State of the Union Address and which one should cut down on the gridlock in Congress, well let’s just say Machete don’t filibuster. Yep. The country shouldn’t have to choose between two prospects this hot when we could have the threesome of a lifetime.
That’s why we’re asking all of you to sign this petition to ask Ash and Trejo to run on the same ticket. And we’ve only got a week left to do this, so let’s put a hurry-the-hell-up order on it, shall we? …Seriously, do it NOW, because we’re not even sure it’s legal!
Oh, and we almost forgot: TACO TRUCKS ON EVERY CORNER!!
The Decision Makers
Petition Updates
Share this petition
Petition created on November 1, 2016