The capital city of Ohio needs a name change.  Check out Tyler Woodbridge's excellent and eloquent petition to rename to "Flavortown" if you haven't seen it, but I request that you don't sign it until you consider this alternative.

The name Columbus, in honor of failed-discoverer-of-India Chris Columbus, has served us well, but the winds of change are billowing his sails and shipping our namesake out to sea.  The question we must ask ourselves is not whether to change the name, but what do we change it to?

I submit an option so tongue-in-cheek that you may not take it seriously (or at least not as seriously as "Flavortown", "Flavor Town", or my preferred variation "Flavorton"). Before you reject it, consider it. Take it for a ride down the High Street of your mind, air it out across the 3-C corridor, and toss it around like a cornhole bag.

I believe we must rename Columbus, Ohio to Io, Ohio. (Big i - Little o)

Jupiter has 4 moons and the innermost is named Io after a princess from Greek myth. She's fictional and therefore fairly controversy-proof.  We all know a good pun when we hear one, and that's really what this is about: finding a name that summons pride and joy simply by its utterance.

The truth is that I don't have to convince you that we should call our capital Io, because you already know that it's inevitable. We've been yelling it after Buckeye games and hollering it statewide for decades, and now we'll scream it with new meaning and fresh pride as our magnificent swallowtail flag is raised over the Ohio Statehouse.

The time is right, and this name is right. It's silly, it's fun, and it's easy to spell.  Welcome, neighbors, to Io, Ohio.  We all sign this petition, yadda yadda yadda, and we displace Oahu, Hawai'i as the voweliest city in the USA.

That's my pitch and now it's your turn. So you tell me what we should name our city after I shout these two lovely letters:

O-H !

I-O !