Matt Damon should be my friend

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I think Matt Damon should be my friend because I can tell from his movies and interviews that we would hit it off and be buds.  I've felt this way for a long time, but the years have gone by and we've never crossed paths.  Therefore, I am taking action and petitioning Matt Damon to be my friend.  Please join my cause!

Justifications for Matt Damon to NOT be friends with me:

JUSTIFICATION 1: He's famous and I'm not, and therefore I'd constantly tell him how much I like Bourne Identity and Good Will Hunting, and how I think he was great in The Departed and Saving Private Ryan and Oceans 11 and True Grit, which might get old for him.  But honestly after the first four or five times hanging out, I think I’d be able to move past that and begin talking about normal friend topics like basketball and Elon Musk, and we could play golf together like friends, and watch movies (movies that he’s not necessarily in) and we could play poker (I know he likes poker because of Rounders).

JUSTIFICATION 2: He lives in LA and I live in New York, and it makes more sense to make friends who live nearby.  Here's the thing, many of my best friends I only see a few times a year, so living in a different city is NOT a justification for us to not be friends.  We could text and talk on the phone, and I travel to LA quite a bit, so I could increase how much I go to LA.  Also, I bet he comes to New York for film shoots and award stuff, so we could meet up for brunch or hit the gym during his free time, it's not like I'm high maintenance.

JUSTIFICATION 3: Studies show that men have a hard time making new friends after the age of 26:  The thing is, Matt and I are both progressive and open-minded.  I'm sure we could figure out a way to set aside work and family from time to time, for the sake of friendship.  I mean, I know I would.  After all, shouldn't friendship be a priority?

JUSTIFICATION 4: Wouldn’t it be weird and uncomfortable to be friends with someone who is petitioning to be friends with you? Initially, I can see how this might be uncomfortable.  You'd think I'd have to be very strange to create a petition to be friends with Matt Damon.  However, if you talk to my current friends, they will all tell you I'm not that strange, and in fact, a good friend.  I've been a groomsman in FIVE weddings, and I am frequently invited to birthday parties.  I’ve read How to Win Friends & Influence People, so I understand the basic concepts of good listening skills, eye contact, and remembering names and birthdays (For example: I already remember that Matt Damon's name is Matt Damon, and his birthday is October 8).  The only thing weird about me, that I can think of, is that I'm not already friends with Matt Damon.

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