Matt Damon should be my friend
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Hi, my name is Joe Zimmerman and I believe that Matt Damon and I should be close personal friends. I can tell from watching all of his movies and interviews that we would really hit it off. I've felt this way for a long time, but the years have gone by and we've never crossed paths. Therefore, I'm taking action and petitioning Matt Damon to be my friend. Please join me in my cause!
Justifications for Matt Damon to NOT be friends with me:
JUSTIFICATION 1: He's extremely famous and I'm a fan, so therefore I'd just constantly tell him how much I like Bourne Identity and Good Will Hunting (and how great he was in The Departed and Saving Private Ryan and Oceans 11 and True Grit), which might get old for him. But honestly after the first 4 or 5 times hanging out, I think I’d move past that and begin talking about normal friend topics like basketball and Elon Musk, and we could play golf together, and watch movies (movies that he’s not necessarily in) and we could play poker. I know he must like poker because of Rounders and Oceans Eleven (and Oceans Twelve).
JUSTIFICATION 2: He lives in LA while I live in New York, and it makes more sense to make friends who live nearby. Here's the thing, many of my best friends live far away from me, so living in a different city is NOT a good justification. We could text and talk on the phone, and I travel to L.A. at least twice a year as is. Also, I bet he comes to New York for film shoots and awards, so we could meet up for brunch or hit the gym during his free time (it's not like I'm high maintenance).
JUSTIFICATION 3: Studies show that men have a hard time making new friends after age 26: https://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html The thing is, Matt and I are both progressive and open-minded. I'm sure we could set aside work and family from time to time, for the sake of friendship. I mean, I know I could.
JUSTIFICATION 4: Wouldn’t it feel uncomfortable for him to be friends with someone who is petitioning him for his friendship? Initially, yes. I can see how this might feel uncomfortable. However, if you talk to my current friends, they will all tell you I'm not that strange, and in fact a good friend. I've been a groomsman in FIVE weddings, and I am frequently invited to birthday parties. I’ve read How to Win Friends & Influence People, so I understand the basic concepts of good listening skills, eye contact, and remembering names and birthdays (For example: I already remember that Matt Damon's name is Matt Damon, and his birthday is October 8). The only thing weird about me, that I can think of, is that I'm not currently friends with Matt Damon.
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