Why this matters:

For too long, society has stood by and watched as unvetted individuals gain access to acoustic amplification equipment. The internet is currently overrun by audio files that could have easily been avoided if we simply treated microphones with the same regulatory caution as heavy machinery.

We are not asking for a total ban. We are simply asking for common-sense legislation: a brief, mandatory cognitive screening at the retail counter. If you cannot explain basic logic puzzles, you do not get to host a podcast. Let’s protect our ears, our peace of mind, and the sanctity of the airwaves.

FAQs

“What about headsets?"

Under investigation. Gaming headsets may require a separate, localised background check.

"Is there an appeal process?"

Yes. If a man fails the test, he can reapply after completing a 6-month silence retreat or successfully listening to an entire podcast episode hosted by a woman without saying "actually."

"Will this affect professional singers?"

No. The legislation strictly targets the "two guys sitting on a sofa talking about crypto" demographic.