It starts with us standing up for our childen’s protection and for ourselves!
It ends with us– or does it?
Seeing the movie’ it ends with us’ and the fact that the author of the book wrote this because of seeing her father hit her mother as a child – reminded I also endured this as a child and teen in my family and watching it happen to my mother and I left home. I vowed that when I had children I would never put them through this violence I had to witness which had wounded me deeply. Asking my mother why don’t you leave him? made no difference. I made sure my children would never have to go through what I went through as a child, but I never counted on someone in the disabilities sector hurting my most vulnerable child. My baby my vulnerable child. My son having a disability and being told the providers would care I trusted, but the trust was broken when they did harm him and then covered it up, and it brought up all the fears from the past and I never thought it would happen to James. Going to so much trouble to protect him and care for him just like his sisters and then it hurt when I couldn’t protect him at all from the violence that lurks in disabilities care. I took him out but we had to heal from what happened and James too.
The movie starring Blake Lively and Baldoni both directors and acting in it, is called “it ends with us” - but does it really end though the violence when you break with a man who is harbouring a violent side? The story ends with the portrayal that now the child would be safe because she was with her the mother and she would protect her. The mother would no longer put up with violence. Yet it does not show the reality of what happens when you split from a violent man, taking a more almost romantic and lighter take. At least the movie will make young women think about who and what they are getting into with a relationship. Its not all pretty and its not all nice even with the flowers. We cannot be so silly and gloss it over with so many girls dying from their boyfriends, ex boyfriends, partners and husbands now. If the girl, Lily, had gone to the police what would have they said to her? There are no guarantees they will listen – we must seek to protect young women and those who need to flee more in our society. Blake lively’s character was too in love with him to even do that go to ask for help or run. Girls need to take a reality check on their relationships and their need to be safe now. It is not romantic to be hurt by a man because that is not love even if you love him he is not loving you and worse he is destroying your self your confidence and your future.
If you break from a violent man it is right to walk away, albeit as quickly as possible. Unfortunately this is not the end of the struggle to be free and protect your child, but the beginning of a fight for your child’s safety and your own. You may have him threatening you in person, on mobile phone, on facebook, and through the courts. You might have him hit you even after you leave him. You might have to hide and go to a women’s refuge. The middle class flowery image of the movie doesn’t quite match that reality. At least girls can think about it now when they enter a relationship that what they see is not always real from a charming man. If you were rich of course you could buy your own house equipped with cctv cameras, and big fences and security guards, bodyguards. When my son was attacked by his disability support workers I said to the police the second time I need cameras for him, I need a bodyguard for him because he is nonverbal and he cannot defend himself he is so vulnerable. The policewoman a young girl said I know the system is broken. She showed me the cameras the police now wear and I said James needs one of those I don’t want him killed in care he needs protecting. James was running around the police office and opening doors up to see what was in the other room where the police were sitting - the policewoman took photos of the bruises on his arms I felt angry with despair that we couldn’t stop this happening. Cameras are allowed said NDIS but we cant make them have cameras - why not you should I said. Why would they do that they would lose too much money. I told the NDIS you have let your providers hurt my son I should be suing you, I want one on one carers for James in his next funding. He is too gentle and being nonverbal open to attacks the workers know what they can get away with and the providers are not keen or diligent to protect our vulnerable children.
I felt that I too could protect and would always keep my daughters and son, safe and to protect them from harm – a primal part of motherhood and fathers, is to care and defend any harm coming to our children. We teach them not to talk to strangers or not accept lift in cars. Yet I never counted on my baby son being hurt by a disability worker I thought it was against the law and workers wouldn’t do itl I thought negligence wouldn’t be allowed or outright assault, it shocked me to the core. Even worse not being able to prove they hurt him. My son had no voice. Not only because he was non verbal, but he had no rights upheld for him by the justice system, just like abused women never had before. It is against the law to assault your wife or girlfriend now, and it should be against the law for anyone to hurt a disability person. Yet the law seems silent on that count.
In disabilities, police are not taking it seriously enough. Violence is left invisible while providers cover it up and make their money. I never counted on James being hit to the head by a worker who then denied it when she brought home and said what bruise? His head was swollen, the police said you need cameras to prove anything ok I will do that I said. The inspector said to me but then some poor sod has to sit through all the footage - it’s the least they can do for sure. Do they have to be so slack? After the police refusing to question the worker “ she will just lie, no we wont question her’ I realized it was a brick wall and the whole justice system is set up to ignore the needs of the most vulnerable and police are not even trained to know, there is no special help available in the police for the situation. Now even the police sport cameras to protect themselves and have proof for court of what happened in an incident. We need cctv cameras in disabilities for that accountability by providers and extra protection for our vulnerable children. Allowed legally already but not mandatory, it should be a must.
Parents give up after reporting numerous times to the NDIS quality commission where you go for complaints they remain untransparent say they are investigating and come back a few months later saying they found nothing. Because of course the providers cover up any incidents as much as they can not wanting a suing to occur. The providers behave like corporate organizations even though calling themselves non profit they are only in it for the profits.
Parents are broken by the NDIS and justice system refusing to acknowledge the abuse when it occurs. They are tired from fighting for the funding and traumatized if their child is attacked by a worker or hurt through negligence by the provider’s system not providing enough health and safety protections. Bullied or cut off if they speak up.
Mothers want to protect their disability children from violence I thought I could protect my son but I cannot protect him against untrained uneducated or uncaring workers and a money hungry provider who will not do the right things. Parents now have to make the providers accountable themselves. We live on the edge worrying constantly what will happen to their vulnerable child now and in the future. Trying to protect them from harm we are made helpless hampered by a disability system that doesn’t want to know, and a society that does not notice and turns a blind eye. The disability providers remain largely unaccountable when the government should make them accountable.
The second time my son was hurt at a day program and the workers lied, the manager lied, and the CEO suspended James, and he was the victim! She did it because I talked about him being punched in the arm severely at their day program and that it happened in their watch. The CEO acted as if she had all power, she didn’t like me writing about it even surprised that a mother would be upset about her child being assaulted! If I had the cctv footage I could have sued or taken criminal proceedings against the organization. We need to change things so that parents have the power to protect and get justice for their children who are so vulnerable - please sign my petition for CCTV cameras in disabilities and stop the providers being able to harm our children and get away with it.
It ends with us – the parents - we have to stop the violence in disabilities places and classrooms against our innocent and vulnerable children we have to make it end but we have to fight for that and for the right for our children to be safe. A child having a disability should not leave the door open for violence to happen against them all their lives. We need to break that pattern also and give our children that equality of human rights. Women and children need to be safe from those who would harm them because they are vulnerable and they need to be protected and listened to it is a right that must be always upheld and fought for. Sign my petition for cameras in disabilities so that we can stop that violence and catch it, even prevent it from continuing - change.org/disabilitycameras
All the best
Anndrea x

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