Sirs, Madames,

That's pretty much it. The Public Library deserves to be operational 24/7. It's the town square. It is the nucleus of the free marketplace of ideas. That there should be hours of operation for exchanging and developing ideas is contrary to the very foundation of democracy itself.

Okay, there. We got the mandatory legal stuffiness out of the way. Now:

"We hereby decree that, after this hour, no one should be exchanging ideas, or otherwise engaging in the consumption of information." How ridiculous does that sound, right? Man, if the Planet Fitness (the hurr-durr Planet Fitness, all due respect); if the International House of Pancakes (the nom-dom fuckin' International House of Pancakes) can be 24/7, then so should the Public Library. The Public Library is no different than a Hospital - it is critical public infrastructure. And, you know what, if you need a guy with a nametag to just walk around inside or something so you can be like, "Hey, look, we got someone manning the station. The station is being manned," - I'll be the guy. Pay me 2 hours an hour - sorry, I meant "dollars" an hour (interesting slip-up, though, huh?) - I don't care.

Let's make it happen, Salt Lake!