Dear Ben Collins and Tim Heidecker,

I know you are busy, what with doing the right thing and being everyone's heroes, so I invite you now to put your feet up, linger over a gin and tonic, and let the jokes write themselves. We, the people of Greater Satanistan (and beyond!), would like to nominate Lucien Greaves to act as Religion Correspondent in your new journalistic endeavor. 

This Satanic leader has been correctly touted by the Boston Globe as "straight out of central casting" for his rugged and diabolical aspect already, so you can't do better. We also feel that this appointment would be a lovely parting gift for the generous and warm-hearted Alex Jones, who recently claimed that Infowars would certainly be occupied by Satanists after his inevitably shirtless and blubbering departure.  With the appointment of Lucien Greaves, Mr. Jones could hit the bricks with a sigh of relief, knowing that for once in his entire worthless life, he wasn't lying about something.

Please consider our humble nomination.

Best, 

Your devoted fanbase, esq.

https://www.alternet.org/alex-jones-infowars/