October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and the truth is; abusers do not keep getting away with abuse all by themselves. They thrive because people around them help them do it. I am talking about the support systems that stay silent, help push smear campaigns, help build new narratives, and make it easier for a perpetrator to keep controlling someone even after the harm is already known.

Enablers and supporters of domestic violence abusers have historically been able to hide behind the false social understanding, that there is such thing as a bystander in domestic violence, there is not. These family, friends, associates and new partners have the most important role to play to assure the abuser succeeds in prolonged abuse. The supporters of the abuser  are to spread the falsified justification far and wide, make sure the abuser looks like they have healthy relationships and lastly but most importantly, they must move on and forget the abuse all together. If the abuse is never named, spoken of or recalled, it is collectively forgotten.

Forgetting abuse in support of an abuser reinforces their reality, that it didn’t exist in the first place, the abuse is neither seen, heard or spoken about again.

Right now, too many survivors are expected to fight one person while dealing with a whole circle of people who help that abuse continue. If someone is helping a known abuser contact, intimidate, monitor, isolate, or retaliate against a survivor, that is not neutral. That is not “staying out of it.” That is participation. And survivors should not have to wait until more damage is done before the law recognises what is happening around them.

I am calling on state lawmakers to update domestic violence protection order laws so survivors can ask courts to include people who actively help an abuser continue the abuse. If a person is being used to carry messages, spread intimidation, assist harassment, or help a perpetrator keep control, courts should have the power to restrict that conduct too. We say we want accountability, so let’s stop pretending the support system around abuse is invisible when it is often part of the abuse itself.

This is about protecting survivors in the real world, not the imaginary version where abuse happens without the aid of passive witnesses and bystanders. We need laws that reflect how control, fear, and retaliation actually work. If you believe the people who help abusers should be held accountable too, please sign this petition.