Where do I start….

So the 2 Police officers came out on the 4th January 2023. They made it clear within minutes of arriving that they WERE NOT here to look at the scene. 
They were basically here to agree that Police have fucked up and did I want a formal letter of apology! 
They said as far as they are aware no one is EVER going to come out EVER to the scene despite 2 failed investigations and countless failings and unanswered questions. 
I asked them why it’s okay for the Police to lie ( when they take an oath to become an officer of the law) but if you or I lie on oath we could face prosecution or prison!! 
They couldn’t answer just apologised again. 
Even after listening to me and agreeing that I have a right to be so angry and frustrated that basic policing was completely disregarded NOTHING further was going to be done. NOTHING. Police apparently can do what they like, lie, make there own rules up and they are untouchable! 

I got so angry that they are sat in my home, admitting cock ups and apologising but have no intention of doing anything about it that I flipped and punched hell out of the wall in front of them through sheer frustration and anger…… they quickly left!

3 days Later Saturday 7th January I looked out my living room window to see 2 police cars, 3 woman all with land yards around there neck staring up at my home, talking amongst themselves for what seemed like forever but possibly 20minutes or more ) I can only describe it as being a small fish with sharks circling in a tank). I was absolutely petrified beyond words that because my other 3 children were out for the night that they had come to tell me that Teddy who is now 16 and suffers with his mental health was dead!!
The last time so many people were outside my home was 1st September 2020 when I lost Euan.
Then a small grey ambulance van arrived(?which is now obvious what they were all waiting for)  and the woman proceeded to knock on my door. 

Turns out a warrant had been issued from court the previous evening for a 135 section!

They had come to tell me that I had to go with them to Chester hospital and the Police were there to forcibly remove me if I refused under the mental heal act. I wasn’t even allowed to see my children first. 
I went with them as had no choice really and saw another doctor ( Psychiatrist) as apparently 2 doctors need to be in agreement with a section. After she listened to me and I explained what had been going on, why I punched the wall, why I’m so frustrated as no one ever listens to me she agreed I have full capacity and that it’s help I need NOT sectioning and that it should never of happened and she apologised. No idea the trauma it brought back from seeing all those people outside my home especially Police as I have no faith or respect for them. 
Now i don’t trust the Police or mental health system. I don’t trust most family as I know some were aware of the warrant and no one told me. All so cruel. 
I’ve not turned to drink, I don’t do drugs, I don’t smoke, I don’t go sleeping around, I don’t go out partying and leave the kids, I haven’t hit or abused anyone which I think anyone in my position could easily of done. 
I do self harm and I did punch hell out of the wall but I’m NOT super human and everyone has a breaking point. 

Feel like everyone wanted me LOCKED UP so I’ll SHUT UP but it never worked snd they underestimated me. 

Euan is and always will be my son. My son deserves peace and justice. We all do!