100 votes and Jack gets a cut:

Citizens, we come to you today not out of levity, but out of a grave and growing concern. A situation has arisen—one that transcends personal hygiene, defies social norms, and threatens the very fabric of public composure. We speak, of course, of Jack Fei’s hair—or more precisely, the absolute anarchy erupting atop his scalp. What began as a few missed barber appointments has now escalated into an unchecked follicular rebellion. What was once a head is now an ecosystem. A thicket. A monument to chaos. It has no discernible part, shape, or plan. No fade. No line. No law. This is not a joke. This is a humanitarian concern. Eyewitness accounts have painted a disturbing picture. One unfortunate soul, upon catching a glimpse of Jack in profile, dropped their coffee and whispered, “It’s like his hair is trying to secede from his head.” Another, visibly shaken, likened the silhouette to “a haunted shrub with commitment issues.” Symptoms among the general public include: Sudden fits of laughter Acute secondhand embarrassment Temporary loss of spatial orientation An existential whisper of, “But... why?” The Department of Aesthetic Stability has issued a Code Level 4: Unkempt. Neighborhood barbers have been placed on standby. Stylists are consulting with therapists. A GoFundMe has been proposed to purchase a mirror and some professional-grade clippers. This is a full-scale effort. Yet amidst the chaos, we must hold onto hope. We must believe in the possibility of redemption—in the healing power of scissors and symmetry. We must believe that Jack can, once again, be seen in public without triggering flashbacks in small children. But hope alone is not enough. We must act. Let this be a rallying cry. A call to action. A reminder that while hair may grow wild, our standards need not follow. Together, we can bring balance back to the head of Jack Fei. Together, we can restore peace. Together... we can trim the madness. #JackAttack #HairpocalypseNow #InterveneForTheSheen #ScissorsOfJustice