An Essex mum bravely opens up about her teen daughter’s suicide, from school bullies through to an all encompassing mental health struggle, and the ‘intense pain’ she feels in her absence.
“I get moments where it feels real and the pain is intense," says an Essex mum, as she bravely relives the harrowing years which led to her daughter's suicide. Morgan Hart, from Chelmsford, was 18-years-old when she took her own life, while at an in-patient psychiatric unit in Harlow on July 12, this year.
She was 'very thoughtful and caring', and would always put others ahead of herself, but an intense struggle with her mental health meant Morgan was a world away from the happy primary school girl her Essex family once knew. Her older sister Mollie-Mai remembers her as an animal lover, who even set up a hamster rescue, where she would take unwanted hamsters to rehome and look after them. But when she moved to secondary school, she began to struggle, her family claim.
Her sister says she was bullied, with other girls allegedly telling her to “go and kill herself” and laughing at her when getting changed after swimming lessons.
"She’d pick at herself a lot, so it became an obsession. I think the anxiety that goes with it is severe. So, just being out in public was difficult for her."
Morgan’s mum, Michelle, believes this was when Morgan started to develop Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). Also known as body dysmorphia, it’s a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance, despite often being unnoticeable to others.
Mollie-Mai said: “Morgan would spend a lot of time in front of mirrors, just looking at herself. She’d pick at herself a lot, so it became an obsession. I think the anxiety that goes with it is severe. So, just being out in public was difficult for her.
“And the way she looked - her perception was that she actually thought she looked deformed. And people would make comments that obviously, over time, we think triggered the BDD, from the bullying.”
Morgan had also been diagnosed with autism, which can make it more challenging to interact and socialise with other people, especially at a young age.
Michelle said: “She also had minor learning difficulties. So when she was going through secondary school, trying to concentrate on anything was a huge difficulty when you've got a noisy classroom and she had to tune that noise out.”
It was a challenge to get any support put in place for Morgan at first, Michelle found. The mum claims she was told Morgan needed an official diagnosis first and while the school allowed some basic support, she feels it wasn’t consistent among the different teachers.
Morgan ended up changing secondary schools three times, moving from Great Baddow High School to the Sandon School, to Hylands School, all in Chelmsford. Her family claims she was bullied at all three schools, and eventually, Michelle decided to home-school her.
“This is when she kind of tipped over the edge, making her go back to Hylands. "
But then, Morgan suffered a devastating loss when her grandmother passed away suddenly, while she was staying with her. Michelle tried to get her bereavement support through the family hospice, who then referred her to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS), who allegedly told the family Morgan needed to be back in school.
Michelle said: “They threatened me with court if she wasn't back in school. So I said to them, we're going into each school and ending up with the same problems. We need the support in place to help Morgan that obviously wasn't put in place.”
Michelle continued: “She was getting bullied and she was so worried to go back to Hylands, we applied for another school, which was declined. So social services said that she would fall naturally back onto the register of Hylands School.”
Michelle was even taken to court on suspicion of truancy, which she later successfully appealed, but Michelle thinks going back to her old school caused Morgan more anxiety.
She said: “This is when she kind of tipped over the edge, making her go back to Hylands. And the school was ringing me up saying I've got to come and get her because she couldn't handle it. So they did make her go but she was so anxious.”
Then in 2020, around the anniversary of her grandmother’s death, Morgan began self-harming. Michelle said: “That would have been when the authorities said she's got to be in school.
“So her anxieties are pushing over and Covid hit. We’d got my mum’s anniversary coming up. And the first thing she did was an overdose.”
“And she came home one day and her brother found her.” She had tried to take her own life.
Trying then to manage as a family became very difficult. Michelle said: “I found that I was obviously experiencing something I've never experienced. We were trying to avoid hospital but she had her first admission that year to the Priory in Chelmsford. She was there about eight months and they wouldn’t discharge her.”
Michelle said the in-patient hospital unit wanted to see Morgan integrated into sixth-form college, thinking all she needed was structure. But allegedly there was no care plan in place for her.
Michelle said: “And she came home one day and her brother found her.” She had tried to take her own life. This was one of many suicide attempts Morgan made over the next couple of years, resulting in in-patient admissions in St Albans, Rochford and lastly at the Derwent Centre in Harlow.
It was at the Derwent Centre that Morgan took her own life, on July 12. Michelle said: “She had only been there for a few weeks.”
Michelle continued: “I get moments where it feels real and the pain is intense. But then I still think that she's in hospital. I think you go into autopilot.”
The family are waiting for the inquest into Morgan’s death to find out exactly what happened in the psychiatric unit. The inquest was opened on Thursday, August 4, and the hearing is due to happen at some point next year.